New Person Here

[dstine1234]

Hello all - thanks for the responses. I think I needed to air out a lot stuff in my last several posts to kind of "introduce" myself here. I am sure everyone has their story so I have said a bit about mine. And again I am grateful that I was able to turn it around with the help of a therapist who saved my life. So yes Maggie, I can't understand the experience of a SO and what that feels like. Just like you can't understand (I am assuming) what it feels like to be loved for the first time in your life in your mid 30's. It's really hard. I am not married by choice, and a big part of that is the PA. I live on Faith a lot these days, I hear people on here saying it can be done and I call that having faith. I don't have much else to really rely on as far as feeling any closer to being free of this A. Take care everyone and thanks again, I feel a little safer here each day.

[maggie]

hey dstine,

whatever has happened... however your feelings have changed... just log in and post to so many who know what you are going through!

even if you think that posting here won't help you now... it just might help someone else.. reading your post.

hope you are ok...

[IN NEED OF HELP]

dstine

I just want to step in and let you know, that we want to help you, in all that you are going through. we all need support when it comes to this addiction, and there is just no way, we can do this, without the support. This is what this site is all about my friend. Helping each other to get through the tough times that we all have, with this addiction.

Like maggie said to you, even if you feel that posting here wont help you right now, I know it will help so many others that are here, looking for ways, to get out of the darkness that we are in with this addiction. but I will say this to you. even if you feel it wont help you to post, I bet if you was to come back, and start posting on a regular basis, you will see that it can and will help you, with your problems.

The one thing about this wonderful site is, that no matter how we are doing in our recovery, no one here will ever make us feel bad. it is just the opposite here, because if we see that you are going through some tough times, we will do what we can, to try to guide you into the right direction, so once and for all, you can become free from this crap.

Let me tell you my friend, there is nothing, nothing at all, like the freedom from this crap, we had in our lives for a long time. I am 55 years old, and have had this problem for over 40 years, and I am just under one year free from this, and I have NEVER, felt as good about myself, as I do now, in my life.

This is a tough battle we are in, but you know what?, it is very much worth the fight. it is worth everything, that we have put into our recovery, to have this wonderful taste of freedom, from this addiction, that has proved to nothing but destroy every bit of us. it has taken away so much from us, but what it has taken away, we get back so much more, when we are in recovery

Please, come and let us know, how you are doing, and give us a chance, to see if we cant help you or not. You are addicted to the same crap as I am, so I am just worried about my fellow addicts. I just want to see them get the much need help

Hope to see you soon

Your fellow addict

Gerald

[dstine1234]

Hi Gerald and all:
Thanks for the posts, Gerald your words especially reach me, I can't say why, but they do, hope you keep posting here. My PA has been on the up and down phase lately, this happens to me a lot, it actually gives me some hope, just to have a few days relief, but alas it returns. I am blown away Gerald that you have a year under your belt, I commend you on that and I wonder how you do it? I guess your writings tell the answer, lots of difficult work. I am going to an SLA meeting tomorrow, haven't been to a meeting in a long time. I have more time on my hands these days than before so I have less of an excuse. It's interesting to think of myself as a "love" addict. It kind of makes sense in that I always crave relationships, regardless of the PA. Someone told me recently that addicted people can't ever get what they want, they (me) want a solid relationship, with physical affection etc., but when they have it, they self-destruct through things like PA. It makes sense, that has been my pattern to have something special but not have it all because of the A. Well I have said a lot, thanks for listening and blessings to all tonight!

[dstine1234]

Hello, me again. Having a bad week, not easy being unemployed for anyone. When I have so much time on my hands, the PA gets much worse. I guess I get restless and that's how I deal with it. And I feel pretty alone and think of dating which is what I usually do. Do things ever get better? Someone is going to tell me they do I think! Not funny. But it is very hard to believe that things get better. I went to an SLA meeting few days ago and met a bunch of nice guys struggling, mainly with relationship issues as much as anything else. i didn't hear so much about PA so I don't know if I fit in but I will go and see a few more times. Just being in a room full of supportive anybodies is a nice thing these days!!! Well that's it for me, hope everyone else is hanging in there and G-D bless you all!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Destine
It is nice to see you again here. I can relate to being out of work. I have been unemployed now for a little over a year and a half. Being an addict, it is not good at all, in having all of this free time on your hands. So all we can do is try to stay busy, doing other things.

You asked if things really do get better. Well the answer is, YES it does. But in being honest with you, it will only get better if you allow it to. The only way that it gets better, is if, we as addicts work our recovery, the best that we can. Whatever tools you have to help you with this crap, they need to be used 100% in your recovery. You can not use them one day, and then put them away for a few days. This is a very very hard addiction to get over, but if we work our recovery, and we do so, with 100% determination from our hearts, then it will be so much easier for us to get through this recovery.

The thing is, when we are having a bad day, we can not just sit around and dwell in what we are going through. We need to change our thoughts, and put them somewhere else. I know for me, that if I am having urge’s to look, and I don’t do something about that RIGHT AWAY, then I am going to look. My neighbors’ must think I am weird at times, because I have been known to cut my grass a couple of times in the same week. I just do what I need to do, to get away from the temptations.

Just a thought my friend, you say you went to a few SLA meetings have you ever considered SAA meetings? I really do not know the difference in them, but I do know that the SAA meeting I go to, as many PA in it. Maybe it may be good in trying to find one in your area. I always like to say, that if you go, and you just don’t feel good about the people in there, don’t stop going to them. What you need to do, is try to find a meeting, that you feel very comfortable in going to. I am luck that as soon as I walked in mine the first time, when it was over, I knew I found the right one. There are a bunch of very nice, respectful; people in my meeting, and I love everyone of them
The meetings are very vital to our recovery. Sure this site is good for us also, but just being in a room, face to face, with others who are dealing with the same issues, helps out so very much in our recovery. We need to take advantage of anything that may help us, in dealing with this crap, to get it out of our lives.

As always, I wish you the best in your recovery. I will check in from time to time, to see how you are doing. And please keep coming here, so we can help you.
May I suggest that maybe you start a journal now, in the recovery area, so we can help you better? The new member’s area is a great place to introduce yourself to the family here, but it is always so helpful, if we start our own journal

I will see you soon my friend

Your fellow addict
Gerald

[dstine1234]

Hey Gerald, haven't connected with you in a while and just wanted to mention that I took your suggestion and started a recovery journal and I thank you for your help! Hope to catch you again.

Dstine.