New PA here

[mwanzo]

Hey TTF universe.I'm a 21 year old guy in college who has been under the hold of P for the past 4 years.It started like a normal teen fascination while I was in high school.I would stay up late at night watching.Fascination turned into obsession and pretty soon I was hooked.Funny thing with P is the denial.For 3 years,I had convinced myself I had absolutely no problem at all.I had become pretty good at living a double life:A quiet kid during the day,but behind closed doors,an addict that would go to any lengths to get his fix.P has basically ruined so much for me:school,relationships & faith.Worst of all I've been turned into this person that now sees human beings like animals.
For the past,I've tried quitting on and off without much success,but to be honest I wasn't really trying that hard and I managed to tell myself I would have time to quit 'later' or when I got into a serious relationship.The other day I woke in the middle of the night,turned on my computer ready to view my large stash,but instead I inexplicably searched PA.It brought me to TTF and after reading some of your stories here,I deleted everything on my computer.I've decided to fight this thing to the bitter end and change my life altogether.Glad to have a community like TTF around.

Best Wishes,
mwanzo

[exteberria]

Welcome Mwanzo. I am 23, and also grew up in a similar situation as yours. I always thought it was just a bit of fun, but when your looking at p at least once a day, and your only in grade 10 or 11, there obviously is a problem. It didn't take long before I started seeing the disastrous implication of getting into it, and I'm glad I see now how pathetic the stuff really is.

Welcome to tff.

[mwanzo]

Thanks exteberria.It really is pathetic.I'm just fighting this thing one day at a time.Glad to know there are others who been through the same thing

[JenMac]

Welcome Mwanzo!
I am glad that you have found us! You won't regret the decision you made which brought you here!
You have recognized and admitted the struggle you are having and now you are seeking help to deal with that!
Those are indeed the first steps to changing your life!
i encourage you to start a journal in the recovering journal section where you can put down your thoughts and struggles. This is where you will also receive invaluable support and guidance from the many who have walked the same path.
All the best to you Mwanzo as you begin your journey to recovery!
Jenn

[Cupcakemomma]

Welcome to TTF. Glad you found us instead :)

[mwanzo]

JenMac & Cupcakemomma thanks for the welcome,i'm glad i found this place too and i do intend to write a journal :)

[TYC113]

Welcome, Mwanzo. I am glad that you came here. I am a new member too. I, like you, started watching P in my teens and it became an addiction quickly. I started out before you at age 13. I have been addicted for 8 years. Your story really describes me. I put up the good boy front for so long while still being addicted to it. I figured I had no problems because everyone else did it, while I did because it ruined chances for friends, my school life, and my view on people. I, like you, started to see girls only for their body parts instead of their whole person. So I feel like you & I are really alike. And to top it off, you're 21. I'm 21 too. That's cool. So let me pleasure meeting you, Mwanzo. I am glad you are here.

TyC113

My story is here if you want to see. My Story. Introduction #2

[mwanzo]

TYC113,thanks.I read your story and it really is similar to what I went through.Amazing thing about P addicts is we really think we don't need anyone in our lives because we 'got it in control',but we don't.Don't know if your still a religious guy,but I'm trying to be.I think being responsible to someone else at the end of the day (God,SO) really is.
Again thanks.

[TYC113]

Yeah, I'm still have faith in Christ. I am still about him. I know I'll never be perfect, but I try my hardest. I keep falling. But I don't use God to hold my actions accountable. What I mean is, I don't blame him when I am wrong like I used to. I have faith and read his word (or at least try my best to) because of what it has to say on how to live life. It's so true and I believe that I can be saved if I believe. I realized in my story that I was wrong and that I was leading down a bad road, but I feel that by doing my best to follow his word, that I started to change. That's why I really want to have faith. It not only makes it easier to do this, but it also provides me what to do when I fail. That's why. He tells me that I can always be saved if I choose to believe and that I should never give in or give up. Just keep going. It doesn't matter how many times I mess up, as long as I learn from the mistake and never lose faith. But I will tell you this from other PA that I've listened to, having a SO does make it easier to overcome P. That way someone could stop you whenever you think of looking at P.

[TYC113]

By the way, thank you for looking at my story.