I Need Help...

[ineedhelp]

Hello everyone,

I am a P addict who has suffered under this addiction for the past 5 years- In the past few months I have had short spurts away from P, but am powerless over stopping this addiction by myself, for good. I need the help of a community that allows me to share my problems and see the problems of others, and in doing so overcome my habits and replace them with a healthy, guilt-free lifestyle.

I am 3 days sober from P as I write this, and would like to be free from P indefinitely. The problem I've had in the past is that I will go P-free for as much as a month or so, and feel like I have gotten out of my old habits, when I suddenly feel an urge for P, and think that "this can't hurt very much, or effect me in a large way", and then play into the temptation and lose my sobriety. This is not a good feeling, and I want this cycle to stop: of getting away from P, feeling as though I am out of the habit, and then giving in to urges and going on a binge.

What can I do to set up a net for myself, so that if I feel that I'm at the brink of giving into my addiction I remember all of the terrible ways in which it has effected me in the past: sleepless nights, physical pain, broken relationships, etc.?

What can I do to change my habits enough so that I am constantly working to get away from P, and knowing that I will always have to work to stay away from P (and not just saying that, but living it)?

How can I change my brain so that the emotions and feelings that I know are charged by P go away, and how can I change my personality into someone who doesn't use P, and never will again?

Thanks for your time,
ineedhelp

[JenMac]

Welcome ineedhelp!
You have come to a great community, one that is supportive and caring, with many wise members who will help to support and guide you as you move forward in recovery.
Wow, those are some big questions you have asked.
I believe that you being here says a lot about what you already understand about what this is doing to you in your life. Awareness is indeed the first step towards recovery and a Pfree life.
I believe your learning will come in stages, if it is anything like my H Mac's. We have been here together for about 17 months now and over that time he has had ever deepening understandings and revelations.
I would suggest you consider an internet filter to begin with. There are also many good books from which you can arm yourself with knowledge about this ever increasing problem. We particularly like 'the Porn Trap'. Mac and I also delved into the industry itself in way of anti P material, and that had a profound affect on him for certain. It is important though to be careful of some of that as it can have some triggering material attached to it.
I would invite you to start a journal in the recovery journal section. That will assist you in getting your thoughts and feelings out as well as putting you on the road to developing a network of people who have experienced the same struggles you are facing.
Wishing you all the best ineedhelp as you begin this journey! I hope you find TTF to be the blessing in your life that it has been in ours!
Jenn
Also

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hello I need help

I am glad you have found this wonderful site. I am sorry that you need to be here, but I am glad you are here. by you being here, you will find ways, to get this addiction out of your life.

So welcome to TTF, and we are here to help you all we can.

Right now, you need to do what ever you can, to get this under control. And you can do this, by finding a recovery plan, which works for you in all areas of this addiction. Only you are the one that really knows what your plan should consist of.

As Jen said, a filter is a must, in order to keep you from getting to you old sites that you are so accustomed in going to.

In your post, you was asking how to change habits, how to change your mind, and so fourth. But what you truly need to change is your Heart. This is my belief, but if you are to even have a chance of beating this addiction out of your life, well you need a brand new heart condition, in order to do it. You need to condition your heart, to where it wants nothing to do at all anymore, with this addiction. And if it is in your heart, to rid yourself from this, to be honest, there is no reason at all, in why you cant beat this, and do so, with much less stress.

So what you need to do right now, is to get a good recovery plan in store for you, and never waver in it. Just fight this crap with all that you have, and you will be free from this. No not easy as hell, but it can be done. Another thing I do need to say is, that if you have any file hidden on your computer, delete them now, do not wait for another time to do it, because I will assure you my friend, that you will look at them, the first time the going gets tough for you.

Listen, this is the toughest addiction to beat. But if you make it a heartfelt determination, to get it out of your life, then you will do it. It is only as hard as you make it, to beat it.
It can be done. I am 55, and I have over 40 years of this addiction in my life. I have been free from it now for 9 months this weekend. So if I can do it, there is no reason as to why you can’t do it.

We are here for you, and we will help you the best that you can. You said that you need help, and I am in need of help, so let’s say, we do this together, and fight this crap out of our lives for good.

I wish you the best in your recovery, and I will be looking forward in reading more from you. start your own journal, and write in it, as much as you can. let us know what you are going through, good or bad, so we can help. no one here will sugar coat this thing, so please read what is said with a open heart, in knowing, all we are tying to do, is to help you to become free from this crap

Gerald

[ineedhelp]

I installed the K9 filter on my computer after reading the above replies, e-mailed the password to a friend (without seeing it, which involved typing it without seeing the screen), and deleted all traces of it from my computer. I work with computers alone all day, so I think something that involves another person will be a helpful deterrent.

The concept of "heart" is a good one, even though at the surface it sounds hokey. Working on changing the very essence of myself that causes me to be addicted to P (getting to the root of the problem) is a good idea, and a lot of work. But, it is possible, by being constantly vigilant, i.e. "never wavering" from my plan.

My only question at this point is what exactly does a recovery plan consist of? I will search the forum for descriptions of what is involved.

I also will be starting a journal soon- I have done this in the past with P, and think I will try something different this time. In the past I have tried to be very philisophical and to rationalize and even intellectualize my problems, but I think this time I'm just going to have a journal where I can go to type out my thoughts when I'm feeling a craving: a short, simple craving journal.

Thank you all!

ineedhelp

[JenMac]

Hi Ineedhelp!
Good job on the k9! That is such an important first step! I hope it works well for you!
I have found this article for you which might help you get started in your making of a plan.
TTF community forums - Breaking pornography addiction, a getting started guide.
I believe that giving yourself the benefit of this site will be a huge help to you in times of struggle. I hope you will come here and reach out to others here during those times. If you have shared this with anyone in your real life, you could also use them to assist you.
Hoping to see your journal entries soon Ineedhelp. That is one of the biggest things you can do to get started on the path to recovery.
All the best!
Jenn

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hi Ineedhelp

It is nice seeing you back. I love that you are doing what you need to do, to get a good start on your recovery. installing the filter, is the first big step in your recovery.
Jen sent you a link in how to start a recovery plan, and it would be very good for you to look at it. the thing thou about a plan, is that it has to be custom made for you.

Have you considered in maybe SAA meeting? if not, I would suggest them for you to go to. I know that I just didn't want to walk through that door when I went to the first one, but being honest with you, it was the best thing i have done, to get help with my recovery. But, if you are to go, and for some reason, you just don't feel it there, don't stop going. maybe find another meeting close by to you, and keep looking until you find one that you feel comfortable in going to. I was one of the lucky ones, to find a good meeting right away. there are a bunch of great people, that do go to the meetings.

Just do whatever you feel that you need to do, to get this crap out of your life. you already have a good jump on your recovery, just by admitting, and realizing, that you have a problem with it.

Remember, we are here for each other. we will do what we can, to guide you through your journey, for a P free life.

Good luck to you

Gerald

[BestShot]

Hi "Ineedhelp",

It was good to read what you wrote. What helps me the most is remembering that you are not alone in your battle. There are MILLIONS of men and I assume women who are going through the same struggle.

I completely understand the "urges" to view "P". They can be incredibly powerful. It's almost bizarre that something that really isn't "real" can tug at you so strongly. It sucks!

I can tell you that the longer you stay away, the easier it becomes...HOWEVER, that does not mean you will never get urges to view the stuff. You will.

My new strategy is to come to this website when I get urges. I read, I write if I feel like it and I talk to somebody in the chat area. At the very least, it distracts me and keeps me out of where I don't want to go :)

Please feel free to send me messages in times of weakness. I will respond as soon as I receive it. Maybe we can arrange a time to chat on line. Accountability partner like deal???

I am with you in your fight!

BestShot