The hope of a better life

[stranger0]

I might as well introduce myself since I found here after all.

I have a compulsion to watch P and MB. I've tried to get rid of it on and off for a long time using the traditional methods - with no success. Then I stopped trying for two whole years. I did get into philosophy in the mean time - and while my compulsion became worse, my life in general went better thanks to ancient greek/roman and eastern philosophers.

But now I'm at the point of my life where I know my progress will be severely hindered if I do not let go of this compulsion. So, I've once again started to seek help. But this time I'll choose the alternative methods. I realize now that the traditional 12-step way really did nothing more but make my life worse: by "admitting" to myself that I'm powerless against addiction and that addiction is a disease that will be there with me always I'm only shooting myself in the foot (or actually in the rational part of my brain) rendering an important part of myself completely useless. So, I refuse to play the victim anymore.

I am the one who got myself in this mess by being lazy and not caring of my own well being (those are some of my biggest faults). However, if I am the one who got me into this, then I am also the one who can get me out of this.

So, I refuse to accept that my addiction or compulsion is a disease. I am responsible for how my life will turn out and I am responsible for getting rid of this compulsion.

So, hello to everyone - this is me: guilty of neglecting myself.

[2frustrated]

Hello philosopher! We are like gardens. We decide which parts to nurture and grow, and which parts to neglect. A beautiful plant cannot coexist with a large hideous weed. Nurture the plant; neglect the weed. The weed will shrivel up and die. You've been feeding both. Now is the time to starve out the weed, so that the most beautiful part of your soul can grow.

[stranger0]

Thank you for the warm and insightful welcome, 2frustrated. I appreciate it.