Sick and tired

[honeybee]

Hi to everyone. I am new here. I am a spouse of a SA. I am really at my wits end and have no idea of what to do now.

This all started a few months back when I began catching my husband MB and watching Porn. It has began to get really bad and I thought about leaving him but he started SAA so I decided to stay.

I am now 7 weeks away from giving birth to our first baby and things have hit an all time low in our relationship. We don't have any intimate relations what so ever. I have talked to him about this many times over the past few months and how it makes me feel that we lack this part of our marriage. He listens and nothing changes. He has excuses and the one he uses the most is "I'm tired!".

On top of this issue, I have caught him MB and now this whole cycle continues. He talks of getting help and wants me to stay around to help him.

I feel horrible and alone. I wonder if I wasn't pregnant if this would've happened. Does he just find me disgusting?

[Crisodian]

honeybee,
Unfortunately I am short on time tonight but I wanted to send you a warm welcome to TTF. I am the SO (wife) of a PA who has been in recovery since 2009.

I will tell you with a resounding NO that he does not find you disgusting and regardless of whether you were pregnant or not, he would still have this addiction. You could be a super model, we ALL could, perfect in every way and yet, we'd all still be married to, dating or in a long term relationship with an addict. Sadly, this really has nothing to do with us. It affects us. Hurts us. Destroys our self esteem. Devistates us to our core. But it's not "about" us.

You did nothing wrong. This is not your addiction to deal with. However, you will need to find strength and healing for yourself.

Here you will find hope and healing from those of us walking the same path. I encourage you to start a journal in the Partner's section and share your journey. You will find a large group of caring, supportive partners who are in all stages of this journey.

Find a path to peace,
~C~

[HopefulsRock]

I completely agree with Crisodian! ...his addiction isn't about you at all and there's nothing more wonderful than a pregnant woman and the miracle of birth!

Sadly, your husband is an addict and needs help but your not alone and you've landed in a place where support and caring can abound and I wish you the best in your healing! ...and the next 7 weeks! Maybe you can read around the site and find some things that your husband can relate to and get him to see things for what they are and then maybe even get him to join you here in this community we call TTF.

Oh yah! ...Welcome to TTF Honeybee and may you find the strength you need in your journey!

[dave42]

Welcome! So glad you are here. This website has helped so many folks like you, the SO, and me, the porn addict. In my opinion, it's NOT about your being pregnant. I'm a porn addict. I am 46, and I've been addicted to porn since, I guess around 15. That's over 30 years! Yikes! And during that time I've had two major relationships (one for 8 years and the current one for 6 years). My 2 partners over the course of my life have been at various times thinner, fatter, fitter, flabbier, younger, older. For me, it was never about my partner's looks. It was about my addiction. I looked at porn when I was happy and sad, doing well, doing poorly. You have come to the right place, where your fellow SO's can console you and folks like me can tell you our stories: I tried countless times to quick. Countless! I made vow after vow to myself that I'd never look again. Even once I got here, I had a great deal of trouble staying sober. It's a tough, tough addiction. But happier days are ahead of you. The good news is that you have come here to get support, and we support you 100%! Encourage your husband to come here, if you think it's a good idea. We'd love to support him and get him on the track toward recovery. Also, I LOVE this organization: Sex Addicts Anonymous . They have helped me so much. Here is the other part of my story: my partner wanted to leave me at least twice. I'm so glad we are still together. I'm so glad that my partner did not give up on me. Write back and keep us informed. God bless you!

[Charly22]

I feel horrible and alone. I wonder if I wasn't pregnant if this would've happened. Does he just find me disgusting?

This has nothing to do with YOU. Why he does this is not your fault. You did not send him into this addiction. It does have plenty to do with you, in the fact that you are in a relationship with a broken partner. But this is not your fault. I think it is a good sign that he tells you he wants help. But more important is that you take care of yourself and your little one that's about to arrive in this world.

He is spending all his sexual energy on his addiction, and has nothing left for you. I hope that you can put yourself first for a little while, and stay strong for you and your little one. And find a way to stand strong on what it is that you know you deserve. I hope you will continue to visit TTF, and I hope you feel welcome and find strength and peace.

[prnadict]

As everyone has said, it most defiantly has nothing to do with you. I'm a PA in recovery and I can tell you with the experience I've gained from years of struggle that addiction is a disease, it's like diabetes, and the patient nor his family is the cause for him having diabetes. Addiction only effects a small percentage of the population. I've been sober for awhile now and feel great. Almost everyone one watches porn these days ,it's almost similar to drinking, and don't mean to say its the right thing but its prevalence is appalling. And if someone is predisposed with an addictive personality it makes things complicated. I've abstained from my craving for quite some time and the rewards have been priceless. It takes some time to recovery from the cycles of craving and despair but seeking help will produce results at some point. Wish the very best for your husband's recovery and hope things fall back into place.
Cheers.