Introducing Myself

[Eastrojanica]

Hi Everybody,

It's hard to know where to start. I am addicted to P and have been since I was 14 or 15 years old. I am 33 now. I am married with a wonderful wife and we have a really great kid. I now feel that I'm in a place where my relationship with P is hurting my marriage, hurting my prospects of being the kind of dad I want to be and putting me in very real danger of losing my livelihood (upon which all three of us depend).

I thought for years I was smart enough to "just stop." But it isn't really about smart, is it?

My drug of choice is the internet, but absent that I will look for alternatives. None of them any better, just different. I tell myself I'll look for a minute. Or "just check on" some thing or another that interests me. I'll bargain and tell myself I can have this much if I never, ever go past some arbitrary line. I'll tell myself that I need to sit and watch myself to learn my behavior so I can better develop a plan to solve it later.

I need a supportive community. Someplace to share my journey to sobriety. I need people who get that after a certain point this is as much a disease as alcoholism or cigarette addiction. My brain craves certain "fixes" that P provides.

That's why I'm here. I don't know what it will take to get sober. I'm going to make a good choice for the next hour. Then the hour after that. But sooner or later, a good choice will get harder and harder to make.

[apuleius]

Welcome, Eastrojanica!

Bill W. got it right. The spell is broken when one addict talks with another addict. Alone we are as weak as a toothpick. Together we are quite strong. Thank you for sharing. You are helping me to stay P-Free today. I think this "disease" more closely resembles food addiction or, perhaps seen it its absurdity, McDonald's addiction. You see, I want to be sexually healthy. So, I need to cut out the "junk-food" that P offers. The problem is not that I have desires. It is that I have foolishly and lazily supposed that P can satisfy me. P actually undermines my sexuality and virility with my mate. It makes me LESS of a man in the relationship. I just want to be a healthy male. I am not interested in asceticism or renouncing my sexuality. I want to be, one day at a time, full of the life that nature has intended for me.

We are all here with various perspectives and various challenges, but by talking with one another, we know liberation.

[HopefulsRock]

Eastrojanica... Welcome to TTF! As for what will it take? ...realizing everything you just said to be very true about how P is threatening to ruin your life as you know it because it certainly is! Congratulations on figuring that out as that is the first step and actually one of the hardest but now that you know it to be true there is no looking back or accepting it in your life any more! It will take time because recovering from this is a process that can take a while and be quite difficult at times but well worth every bit of effort my friend! ...well worth it!

Starting your own journal in the recovery journals section is a great place to start explaining yourself a little more and it will be helpful to look back from time to time in this journey and see where you've been and help mark your progress. Your totally right about making good choices and staying sober for an hour and so on and so on... eventually it is a life changing experience for most and one for the better! Your off to a very good start with all that your saying! ...it will take just more of the same and following through with actions to back up your words!

Once again, welcome and we look forward to sharing with you in this journey and may you find the strength you need to succeed!