new to ttf

[jm2011]

I am a p & mb addict. I have had problems with it over the last 15 years, I was clean for a while but then had a relapse last year. I have been fighting to stop since last year but continue to relapse every few days. It has affected relationships/friendships I have with people. I am desperate to stop, any helpful reading on the subject would be gratefully received. thankyou.

[waterlily327]

Hey JM, and welcome to TTF! I am an SO, here with my boyfriend, and we have both found TTF a wonderful, supportive place to heal.

I do have some suggestions for you to start off with:
--Get rid of all P you have on your computer, magazines, movies, etc. “Waiting for later” is a recipe for disaster!
--Start a journal here on TTF and make a habit of writing so you can monitor your progress, get advice, and meet people here
--If you have an SO, be honest with them
--Read through PA and SO journals here on TTF. Both sides have a lot to offer
--Install an internet filter, such as K-9 (which is free), and make the password long and inconvenient to access (I suggest giving the password control to someone close to you, putting it in a locked safe, in a favorite book, or anywhere that will make you think twice before accessing it for P)

You are making great steps just by taking the initiative to come here. Also, the fact that you were able to stay clean for a while shows you (and us) that you have it in you to succeed! Again, welcome to TTF and I hope to read more from you soon!

[Love in a Lifeboat]

Hi Jm,

I'm an SO here and just by signing on was a big step in the right direction. You will find a lot of people with lots of good and helpful advice.

Here's mine. You weren't born with it, you don't need it to breathe or exist. It is not you, you are not P. P is a vehicle you use for something else only you can answer. It's instant gratification, like any drug or addiction for something only you can answer. You should seek professional counseling to find that something out. But like all of those addictions, it still leaves you empty and unsatisified.

Now picture your life and how you want it turn out and make it happen. Picture the kind of person you want to be and make it happen. It's going to be difficult, but we're humans capable of the most amazing things, you are not an exception. Imagine life where you don't have to hide from the world, imagine a life where you walk unafraid, imagine sharing a life with a SO and not having to feel ashamed and make it happen. Don't listen to popular media about it being okay. It's not okay. And you are here because you know it.

You will find inspiration, information and support from people around here. Read PAs journals and SOs journals, they can make a real difference. Stay strong.

[jm2011]

Thanks Waterlilly & Love in a life boat. Really appreciate your replies, I've made a start on some of the advice. I find it difficult to talk about this but this forum looks like a good starting point.

[HopefulsRock]

Hey JM... welcome and congratulations on reaching out to us here at TTF! ...it's a huge step in the right direction! I am in my 50's and struggled with this for lot's of years and tried to quit on my own several times but to no avail. It was my wife who saved me (Hopeful) back on D-day... March 22, 2010. It was very traumatizing for her to say the least but through it all she has been by far my biggest help.

One good thing is to start a journal of your own in recovery journals forum so folks can understand your situation and help... your not alone in this JM.

PS. 2 good books that were helpful and full of info were, "the Porn Trap" by Wendy & Larry Maltz... and "Every Man's Battle" by Fred Stoeker.

May you find the strength you need in this journey of recovery my friend! ...it comes one day at a time from staying clean and sober from this ever consuming addiction!

[phil]

welcolme JM

i'm new here too. But joining this site has been my biggest help, reading that i'm not on my own. you will have good days and bad days. try not to dwell on the bad days and learn from the good days. try to keep busy too. away from your pc.

as waterlilly said get the filter. it reminds you to stay strong and that p is not the answer your looking for and to look somewhere els for the answer.

Also everyone is different. try to learn wat is triggering your relapses and change that. Knowleadge is power!!

good luck bud