Struggling...

[rumblebuffin]

Hello everyone. I'm a 28yo single Christian guy, and I'm sick and tired of being in bondage to P and M. I've been struggling with P and M for probably over 12 years now, and I've lost count of how many times I tried quitting on my own. Usually, a couple days after I decide I want to quit, my urges are back stronger than ever. Before long, I can't remember why I wanted to quit...because I want it so bad. I usually end up feeling like I must not really want to quit bad enough, or I would be able to. I'm sick of the in-ability to overcome the temptations. I sometimes will make conscious efforts to combat the temptations, but as they keep coming back, eventually I find myself enjoying the thoughts I'm having. Of course, it doesn't take very long with thoughts like that, and I'm looking at P again.

I've read a lot of content/articles on this site, and I plan to start a journal so that I can get some accountability.

Also, I've installed dozens of different filtering programs over the years... Unfortunately, it's very easy for me to get around them, as I work with computers. However, my current opinion on filters (for myself), is that if I have to rely on the filter to stop me from looking up P, I'm usually already wallowing in bad thoughts & mental P (which is no different, imo). And of course, there's no filter for M.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

rumblebuffin

Welcome to TTF

I am so glad that you are here for help with your addiction. As you will see, there are so many here, that are going through the same things as you are at this time.

If you do want this out of your life, then it is going to require a lot of work on your part, to rid yourself from this crap, we have as a part of our life.

You say, that you have tried filters, but you just know how to get around them. this is true, because many have the know how, to get around them. Well there is a filter that you can use, and if you set this filter up right, then it should be just what you need to help you to have a good recovery.
Of course this filter I am talking about, is not for sell on the market, and you cant even buy it over the internet, yet it is there for you to use, if you want to use it.

With this filter, you will have the ability, to control what is allowed to filtered through it. Ok yes I did say that you can not buy this filter, so where can you get one to use?
Well to be honest, you already have it, because you was born with it.

This filter is your HEART. it is your heart, that allows you to do things or not to do them. you use your Heart already, in everyday life, to be able to make the right decisions. If there was a flame in front of you, I am sure that you would not stick your hands in it, because you know what damage this flame can do to you, if you was to stick your hand in it. And you know in your HEART, that it would not be a wise thing to put your hand in the flame.

Use your heart to help you with this addiction. I say this because, if it is not in our hearts to have this addiction out of our lives, then there is no way we will be able to overcome this problem.

If you do have a HEARTFELT DESIRE to end this addiction, then you will be able to do it, along with any other tools/weapons, that you plan to use in your recovery,

You can do this I am sure of it. No willpower will do it for you, but a good recovery plan, made just for you, will make it so much easier for you in your recovery

We will help you all that we can. we will be here for you when we can be. You are not alone in this at all.

It would be good that you start a journal, and write in it, as much as you can. by you coming here and writing in your journal, we will know how we can help you.

You are on a tough journey right now, but if you work your recovery, then it get a lot smoother for you on this journey.

I wish you the best, and again, I am glad that you are a part of our little family

Gerald

[waterlily327]

Hey Rumblebuffin, and welcome to TTF! I am sorry you find yourself in a situation where you need to be here, but it is a great place to be for your path to recovery. I am a 22 year old SO (the girlfriend) here on TTF, along with my boyfriend. This site has been a blessing for both of us.

I do have some quick suggestions, though it sounds like you are off to a good start!
--Get rid of all P on your computer, in your home (magazines, videos), etc. NO exceptions!
--Make a habit of writing in your journal—I like writing every day when time allows
--Come to TTF whenever you have urges for P & MB and post, read, etc.
--Find an accountability partner
--Write down why recovery is so important to you, and keep those reasons on you so when you are having a tough day you can refer back to them for support.
--Continue to read through PA and SO journals and articles on TTF…both sides have a lot to offer!

I am sorry that you have not had luck with filters. If you find a good one, make the password long and crazy so you won’t remember it, and give it to someone important to you or put it someplace that will make you think twice, like in a bible, a locked safe, or your car.

Remember, TTF is a supportive community. We here cannot tell you how to recover because that needs to come from within you. We can offer advice, opinions, and support. I hope you find TTF a good, productive community to heal. Best wishes!

[HopefulsRock]

Hey young Mr. Rumblebuffin... Welcome to TTF! As you can see you'll get plenty of help and advice here and some heartfelt scoldings once in a while too! I too encourage you to start a journal for two reasons, so, we can get to know your situation and struggles better and so you can track your own journey and better find your way!

I commend you for discovering that you have a problem and reaching out here for help and at such a young age... you are definitely not alone and have come to the right place... a safe place to talk to others who have been where you are and found their way out. I can tell you don't expect any quick fix because this is a more of a process but once you get yourself free from the clutches of this addiction you'll feel so much better about yourself and your relationship with God as well.

May you find strength in your journey my friend!

[rumblebuffin]

Thank you all so much, for your encouraging words & great advice!

I'm excited about getting these P and M addictions out of my life, and I can already see the benefits of a strong community like this. For one thing, I've never told anyone about my addictions, so it helps to have a place like this that I can open up and be completely honest about them. I find it helps me be more honest with myself, about the reality of these addictions. But more important than that I think, is that I now (because of TTF) have an "official status" of quitting these addictions. Before, when I was going about quitting on my own...it seemed that I always ended up at the same places: "Do I really have to quit, yet?", or "What will it hurt if I go just a little longer before quitting?", or "No one will know if I do it one more time...". Obviously, I always ended back up in the same places, with those attitudes/thoughts. I'm convinced that the accountability and support of a strong community like this will help tremendously.

I think a big part of my struggle, is the whole "being honest with myself". The family/culture that I came from, seemed to be very secretive when it came to dealing with issues like P and M. It was just not something anyone talked about, so I continued to get better & better about hiding my addictions. I wish I wasn't this way so much, but I seem to have a huge problem with wanting other people's perception of me to be something specific. I think that's also part of the reason I never really considered sharing my problems with someone (unfortunately). I want to be able to be real about who I am, without having to worry about someone who may not understand my struggles. But also, I want to be able to be a "safe friend" to others who may experience similar struggles (as the TTF community has been to me). Then, if/when that happens...I want to be able to give them real-life, practical methods of overcoming their struggles.

Thanks again for listening, and for all of your support!