new here

[caramia]

Hello, everyone!

I am the wife of a porn addict. I knew my husband was looking at some pornographic movies, but never imagined the extent of it.
I have discovered today that he has been looking for escorts, trolling the adult classifieds, even considering becoming a male escort.
I don't know what to do or where to go for some advice. One of my friends recommended me this site.I have never imagined that I was going to post on it, but here I am and need desperate help.
When confronted with it, my husband didn't deny it. On the contrary, he has acknowledge his problems and wants to stop, but he is afraid of failing.

[JenMac]

Hello, everyone!

I am the wife of a porn addict. I knew my husband was looking at some pornographic movies, but never imagined the extent of it.
I have discovered today that he has been looking for escorts, trolling the adult classifieds, even considering becoming a male escort.
I don't know what to do or where to go for some advice. One of my friends recommended me this site.I have never imagined that I was going to post on it, but here I am and need desperate help.
When confronted with it, my husband didn't deny it. On the contrary, he has acknowledge his problems and wants to stop, but he is afraid of failing.

Hi Caramia,
Welcome to TTF! I am sorry you have to be here but if you must, I am so glad you have found us! I know you will find support and wisdom here.
Acknowledging the problem is indeed the first step for your H. Awareness. Acceptance. Action.
Do you think he would join us here as well? There are many couples who are here working together and are finding healing together.
I welcome you to start a journal in the SO journal section. I found that to be so healing for me to be able to get my feelings out. I hope you will find it the same for you!
Hope to hear from you often Caramia!
Wishing you well!
Jenn

[caramia]

Hi Caramia,
Welcome to TTF! I am sorry you have to be here but if you must, I am so glad you have found us! I know you will find support and wisdom here.
Acknowledging the problem is indeed the first step for your H. Awareness. Acceptance. Action.
Do you think he would join us here as well? There are many couples who are here working together and are finding healing together.
I welcome you to start a journal in the SO journal section. I found that to be so healing for me to be able to get my feelings out. I hope you will find it the same for you!
Hope to hear from you often Caramia!
Wishing you well!
Jenn

Thank you for your words, Jenn.
Mu husband has accepted the fact that he is dealing with sth. beyond his powers. He is aware of the damage that this addiction has infflicted on our marriage.
He is not currently at home.But we have been talking on the phone about what we need to do.He is afraid that I will leave him if he dosen't break free from his habits.He is even afraid that he will miserably fail.I hope he will want to start a journal.He doesn't feel comfortable exposing his problems in the plain sight of the world.
We will see.
In the meantime, I am discovering more and more pieces of his activity on escort websites, adult classifieds etc.

[likeafish34]

Caramia, Welcome to the site. I'm a recovering PA and have found the site invaluable in my recovery. Keeping a journal has been particularly helpful. Let's me unload my feelings and I find it really encouraging when other members comment. Let's me know that other guys understand and care. Your husband has nothing to fear about writing a journal. It's anonymous and nobody here is judgmental. The recovering PAs on this site (including me) all have some big hang ups. We wouldn't be here otherwise.

I hope you persuade him to start using the site, so that he can begin his recovery. It will help him not to fail.

Good luck

Simon

[HopefulsRock]

Caramia... Welcome to TTF and I agree with the others as it would be a great benefit indeed to you both if he joined us here because he'll realize he's not alone in this addiction! This site has been a Godsend for me and second only to my wife's unbelievable support in this recovery from PA! It was her that got me to join after confronting me over a year ago and then sending me some good posts from here that she thought would catch my interest! Finally I joined in September... (I'll admit that it takes me a while to get it!)...I thought that by just quitting I was cured and was basically still in denial about it all! It was a post from a long time member called "cityfool" that finally got to me and what he said was, "I feel sorry for any SO that's on here without her PA because they are starting out behind the 8-ball!" ...I felt like a turd for not seeing that she really needed me and over the last year I've learned what it takes to help her heal from the betrayal of it all... Hoping and praying he joins Caramia!

[caramia]

Thank you, guys, for your kind words. Like I said in my first post, my husband is not home right now.He is completing his army reserve annual training and will be back Monday.But, we have been exchanging text messages on this topic. I really don't want to discuss this over the phone. It should be discussed in detail face to face. Every time, he tells me that he is scared that he will fail and mess things up between us. I know he is scared. I am scared too. But we must do sth. about it otherwise our marriage will be destroyed forever.
@Simon and HopefulsRock, were you, guys, afraid of failing when you have started your recovery?

[IN NEED OF HELP]

caramia

I would like to welcome you to TTF.

As a PA, I am sorry that you are needing to be here, because of your husbands action. It truly hurts me, knowing what us addicts have done, to the women that we love so much. I am just happy that you are here, to get the healing that you also need.

I do pray that your husband does see, that this site would be very good for him also. I am glad to see that, he does want this out of his life, and also out of yours. you said that he is scared, that he will fall/fail in this, and mess things up between the two of you. all of us addicts, do worry about failing in this recovery. we are scared, to have this addiction in our lives now, because we have learned, that even though we saw nothing wrong with it, we see just want it can do to us, and our relationships.

There is no reason as to why, he cant get control over this addiction, and have it out of his life for good. But he can only do this, if he seeks help for this addiction. Even if he doesn't chose to come here, I do hope that he seeks help with this issue.

By him getting the help that he needs, he will truly come to see in his HEART, just why he cant allow this to continue anymore. he will come to see, just how much damage this can have, not only on him, but how it affects all that he loves.
He needs to find the right tools, to get him through this recovery, so he can become a better person. there is so much that he needs to do right in this. this is why, I do hope that he comes here, so all of us will be able to help him. Once he has a good plan in front of him, his fears of failing, will go away, because, the tools he uses, help him to take control of this addiction, and he starts feeling better than he has in many years.
Once you have this new feeling inside you, you will do all that you can, to never allow yourself to fail in this.

You said:
I hope he will want to start a journal.He doesn't feel comfortable exposing his problems in the plain sight of the world.
Assure him, we don't even know who he is. no in the world will know it is him, writing these things down here. all we will know him as, is a fellow addict, wanting help, and is tired of having this crap in his life. this is what is so wonderful about this site here. we can come here, spill our guts to everyone here, and there is no shame in doing so, because we don't know who anyone is.
For all we know, any of us, can be helping someone here, and they can be a neighbor of ours, and we just don't know it, because they don't broadcast, that they have this problem.

When you talk to your husband, let him know, that we do want to help him. we do want to see him free from this addiction. let him know, that we can show him, why he can not allow this addiction to be part of his life anymore. let him know, that we can do all we can, to help him, to become the Man, that you as his Wife, needs him to be.

As for your recovery, I wish you the best. Again, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with the things like this, because of his actions

Gerald

[caramia]

caramia

I would like to welcome you to TTF.

As a PA, I am sorry that you are needing to be here, because of your husbands action. It truly hurts me, knowing what us addicts have done, to the women that we love so much. I am just happy that you are here, to get the healing that you also need.

I do pray that your husband does see, that this site would be very good for him also. I am glad to see that, he does want this out of his life, and also out of yours. you said that he is scared, that he will fall/fail in this, and mess things up between the two of you. all of us addicts, do worry about failing in this recovery. we are scared, to have this addiction in our lives now, because we have learned, that even though we saw nothing wrong with it, we see just want it can do to us, and our relationships.

There is no reason as to why, he cant get control over this addiction, and have it out of his life for good. But he can only do this, if he seeks help for this addiction. Even if he doesn't chose to come here, I do hope that he seeks help with this issue.

By him getting the help that he needs, he will truly come to see in his HEART, just why he cant allow this to continue anymore. he will come to see, just how much damage this can have, not only on him, but how it affects all that he loves.
He needs to find the right tools, to get him through this recovery, so he can become a better person. there is so much that he needs to do right in this. this is why, I do hope that he comes here, so all of us will be able to help him. Once he has a good plan in front of him, his fears of failing, will go away, because, the tools he uses, help him to take control of this addiction, and he starts feeling better than he has in many years.
Once you have this new feeling inside you, you will do all that you can, to never allow yourself to fail in this.

You said:
I hope he will want to start a journal.He doesn't feel comfortable exposing his problems in the plain sight of the world.
Assure him, we don't even know who he is. no in the world will know it is him, writing these things down here. all we will know him as, is a fellow addict, wanting help, and is tired of having this crap in his life. this is what is so wonderful about this site here. we can come here, spill our guts to everyone here, and there is no shame in doing so, because we don't know who anyone is.
For all we know, any of us, can be helping someone here, and they can be a neighbor of ours, and we just don't know it, because they don't broadcast, that they have this problem.

When you talk to your husband, let him know, that we do want to help him. we do want to see him free from this addiction. let him know, that we can show him, why he can not allow this addiction to be part of his life anymore. let him know, that we can do all we can, to help him, to become the Man, that you as his Wife, needs him to be.

As for your recovery, I wish you the best. Again, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with the things like this, because of his actions

Gerald

In need of help, thank you.
Right now I am extremely sad and hurt. I can't say anything else at this point.
It's hard to me to understand that the man I love and to whom I have given all my love and support would hurt me so badly.
It's so painful.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

In need of help, thank you.
Right now I am extremely sad and hurt. I can't say anything else at this point.
It's hard to me to understand that the man I love and to whom I have given all my love and support would hurt me so badly.
It's so painful.

My SO is wondering the same thing. you did not deserve ANY of this, and NONE of it is YOUR fault. from my Heart, I am sorry it is happening to you

[JenMac]

In need of help, thank you.
Right now I am extremely sad and hurt. I can't say anything else at this point.
It's hard to me to understand that the man I love and to whom I have given all my love and support would hurt me so badly.
It's so painful.

Hi Caramia!
I am so sorry for your pain! There are many of us here who have experienced what you have and know that it is a difficult place to be. That was so very hard for me to come to terms with too. How could my dear sweet H choose to hurt me in this way knowing full well how I felt about all of this? It has been a long journey but with my H by my side here and at TTF, we have worked our way through it and are at a much better place. We are still moving forward in our lives caramia. It may not seem possible to you at this moment but it is!
I hope you come here often Caramia! I think you will find it helps you in your healing. May you benefit from all the wonderful support and guidance here! I know it has helped me tremendously!
Sending you hugs and prayers Caramia!
And wishing you the very best!
Jenn