tried doing it without this site

[clearmind]

Hello all,
I'm new to this site. I found it while searching the internet for help forums. I have a problem with P and M. I has been ongoing for the past couple of years, but recently I have noticed that it has been getting more intense. It is becoming more frequent and that scares me! I am married now almost 4 years and have a little girl just under 2.
Truth is that I found this site a while ago and would often check it out to read stories and advice. I never actually joined because I thought that just seeing what others were saying would be good enough. It isn't.
I tend to do okay for a little bit (couple weeks maybe) and then I go on a spree for a day or two. I am getting into harder stuff than I use to. I feel so incredibly guilty that I don't even know how to express it. Problem is is that the guilt wears off after a time and I find myself back at it again. I hate to think that I am a pervert and am objectifying women the way I am, but the truth is is that I am doing exactly that.
My wife doesn't know about my issue and I know that at this point it would cause more harm than good to tell her. Just from knowing her I know that she would be able to take it much better if she knew I had it was under control and that it is a thing of the past. I'm am seriously afraid that she would consider leaving me if she knew about it. Since that is true I really want to put this behind me.
I know that by writing this and in my journal and with all of your help that I can get a better handle on this. I feel that making myself more accountable to you all will really help me. I really want to be a part of the 100 days challenge! I think that by seeing how long I've gone P and M free and the friends that are doing it with me will really help. I consider myself a competitive person and knowing that I need to hit that 100 day mark is just what I need.
I really want all your friendship and support! Thank you so much!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

clearmind

Welcome to TTF

Though I am sorry you are here, I am glad that you are. wanting to get this addiction, out of your life, is the best choice, you may have ever done. being addicted to this crap, destroys everything around us. it does not limit itself, to just hurting the addict, and also, hurts all who are in our family.
Why do I say this?, because, it takes away from who we truly can be as a person. it steals all the attention, that we should be putting in our household.

I know first hand, in what this addiction can do to a addict, and to the one that he loves. I have over 30 years of life wasted on this crap, and 6 months ago, when it cam to light, that I had this addiction, it just destroyed what I had with my SO of 12 years. we are finally getting a little better in our relationship, but we still have a long way to go

there are a few things that you need to do, to become free from this addiction.

If you do not have a filter on your computer, I would suggest, that maybe you get one?
we need this, so we can not get to any of our site, when those temptation come, and they will come to you.

If you have any hidden file on your computer, it is a must, that you get rid of ALL of them NOW. many have felt that they can delete them at a later time, only to find themselves, giving in to them. I don't care how much time, and effort you have in those files, you need to hit that DELETE button right now

We as addicts, needs to change so much. one thing that you may already know, is that no matter where we go, or what we do in life, this addiction, is right there with us. there are so many things that can trigger us, to act out, give in to this addiction. so we need to be so carfare in the way we live our life now. we need to be careful in what we watch on TV, in what magazines, or books that we read. even a billboard on the street, can trigger a lot of addicts.

We need to have a recovery plan, that will work for us. this plan, needs to be Taylor made just for us, because others plans, may not work for us. only you know, what it is, that you need, to overcome this addiction. once you find a plan, and you see it is working for you. then work it hard. we can not relax on this plan, because the moment that we do, this addiction, can find a way, to sneak right back in us again.

You are on a long, bumpy road my friend, but how much you work your recovery, determines just how smooth it can get for you along the way.

Now I need to say this. it is up to you, if you are to tell your wife about this. this is not something, that we will tell you that you HAVE to do. but you will come to see on your own, that if you want to have a very successful recovery, YOU NEED TO BE HONEST IN ALL THINGS.

I also will encourage you to start a journal, and come here as much as you can, to write in it. let us know what you are going through, so we can find a way to help you. you are not here alone with this addiction.
As long as you are willing to help yourself, there are many here, who will be right by your side, guiding you in the right direction.

I wish you the best in your recovery. be strong, and fight this crap, and get it out of your life for good

[HopefulsRock]

Hello Clearmind and welcome to TTF! It's a good thing you did by signing up as a member so you can benefit from the open communications here and indeed begin to put this addiction to P & MB behind you. I'm glad your already familiar with the site and having your own journal and such but also be aware that this is more of a process then just a matter of quitting. Phase 1 of the process and a must for a successful recovery is quitting! ...for good and that's the only way it can actually be behind you! Phase 2 is about changing who you are a bit and becoming what most people are trying to be ...a better person! It takes time but you'll find that the journey is well worth it!

May you gain strength in your journey Clearmind and I wish you success!

[WayFarerNation]

I think, besides the overwhelming guilt I felt, the environment of P is definitely devolving into a scarier and scarier thing. Weird instruments like the rubber tube with fake moldings in it being used to M... To me it is enough to just say no. It feels like a trap.

If you can get through your stressful moments without it, you will probably find yourself able to handle stressful situations better because you are forced to find a healthier way to deal with it.

[clearmind]

Thank you guys for the support. I know that I need to work on changing myself. If I only quit and nothing else changes than it will be impossible for me to truly recover. I am working on changing my whole mind set.
As I once heard our minds are like a stage. Something is continually performing on that stage, be it good or bad. It is up to us to make sure that when a destructive performance creeps in from the wings that we quickly get it back off. If we allow ourselves to give audience to these undesirable performances than we are headed down a road of destruction.

[jimmy78]

Hey Clearmind,

It's scary how identical our stories are; I am in the same boat. Married for 4 years, a 2 year old son, and a SO that knows nothing about this terrible addiction. You nailed it; the GUILT just eats at ya, doesn't it?

Good luck in your fight. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice as I haven't really found (or honestly, 100% TRIED) to beat this, but like everyone on this site, you have the support. PM me if you want to chat more.

J

[clearmind]

Thanks buddy,
It is always good to hear about someone that is similar to you going through the same troubles. I don't mean that as if I'm happy that you are struggling too, but just that it helps remind me that everyone has problems and that there is that support system for me to be help as well as lend a helping hand out to others.

[Teemo]

clearmind,

Welcome to TTF. I hope the journey you are starting will take you where you want to be. It is clear that you feel this addiction is threatening your marriage. That can be a powerful motivation to do this right, no matter how difficult it gets. Put all possible supports into your recovery plan. Do it right, and you really can put it behind you. Yes, there is work you need to do on yourself, both to repair the damage you have done and also to give yourself the best chance of not failing in the future. But for now, it is enough just to do whatever it takes to put pornography out of your life. That means getting rid of anything that feeds those thought patterns. Do you have someone you can talk to face-to-face? It is hard, but it is a great help. Accountability is what gets us through the times of strong urges. And I hope you take all the advice you have received so far. Get rid of anything you have downloaded, collected, etc. Be sure you have a filter in place that works. There will be times it doesn't seem worth the fight, but you know it is. Keep writing, and let us know what is helping.