New guy wanting to share his story

[thestig]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to share some of my story. I have been a PA for about 11 years. My addiction began when I was living alone and I found P through the internet. I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time and to deal with things, I turned to P when I was stress and wanted to escape.

The relationship finally ended about 5 years ago when she left me. I was devastated and fell into a depression. I seeked out councilling and was able to move on about a year after the break up. I am now married going on nearly 3 years and my wife is aware of my P addiction. We have a good internet filter but I still manage to get P through mags or rentals. I get a rush renting a movie, feel dirty and ashamed after I view it, and return it (or throw out the mags).

I am depressed, angry, sad, and take out my frustrations on my wife. I feel P is a major reason for this. I feel like if I don't change it will cost me dearly. It already has cost me dearly with my spiritual walk with God.

I'm sorry for the long rant but I just wanted to share my story and encourage everyone with their battles. I am 4 days P-free and I feel clear and at peace. I want this feeling to continue.

Regards,
Thestig

[Cupcakemomma]

Welcome to TTF. Feel free to rant away, it helps, I promise :)

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to share some of my story. I have been a PA for about 11 years. My addiction began when I was living alone and I found P through the internet. I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time and to deal with things, I turned to P when I was stress and wanted to escape.

The relationship finally ended about 5 years ago when she left me. I was devastated and fell into a depression. I seeked out councilling and was able to move on about a year after the break up. I am now married going on nearly 3 years and my wife is aware of my P addiction. We have a good internet filter but I still manage to get P through mags or rentals. I get a rush renting a movie, feel dirty and ashamed after I view it, and return it (or throw out the mags).

I am depressed, angry, sad, and take out my frustrations on my wife. I feel P is a major reason for this. I feel like if I don't change it will cost me dearly. It already has cost me dearly with my spiritual walk with God.

I'm sorry for the long rant but I just wanted to share my story and encourage everyone with their battles. I am 4 days P-free and I feel clear and at peace. I want this feeling to continue.

Regards,
Thestig

Welcome to TTF
Glad you are here, but wish you didn't need to be.

No matter how good that we thought P was, it just turns out, being the worst friend that we can have. it has, and never will prove, to be good for us. the wonderful thing is, that you can live a good life, and P does not need to be in it.
I am going to be 55 in a few months, and I remember being as young as 12 and M to magazines. then videos came along, and then the world of the internet. so most of my life, has been involved with this addiction in it. I am very close to being 6 months free from it, so that just show, that no matter how long it has been a part of our life, we can overcome it.

You did say that you have a filter on your computer, and that is great news. we can not free ourselves from it, if we didn't have it installed.

But there is a lot more than a filter that is needed to help us in our recovery. we need to find a plan that works for us, and use it in our everyday life. if you are determined in your Heart, to rid yourself, the there is No reason, that you cant stop this problem.

you said:
I am depressed, angry, sad, and take out my frustrations on my wife. I feel P is a major reason for this. I feel like if I don't change it will cost me dearly. It already has cost me dearly with my spiritual walk with God.

This addiction, will destroy everything in our path. it takes away the ability to be a good man, and man with good thoughts. you feel that that this has already cost you dearly with your spiritual walk with your God. so why don't you take the opportunity to talk to him about this, and ask him to help you with this problem, so your relationship with him, can be restored.
The next thing that can happen, is with the relationship that you have with your wife. you say she knows about this, but I will bet my last dollar, that she is not happy about it, one little bit.

you say that just after 4 days of being free from this, that you feel clear and at peace. just think how good you are going to feel, after many months free from this.

Right now, you need to stop the renting of the movies, and the looking at the magazines. you need to make sure, that if you have anything in your home, that you can turn to, and look at,you need to get rid of it now. No time but the present, to get rid of this filth

Learn ways to cope with the temptation when they come around, because they will come my friend, and you need to deal with them right away. be careful in what you view on the TV, because, there are so many triggers there, that can lead us to want to seek P.

I would suggest that you spend time here, and read through the journal of others, who are fighting this addiction. this way, you can see first hand, in what they are doing in there lives, to fight this, and coming out a winner.

we are here for you with this problem, so just know that you are not alone in any way.
no one here can cure you from this, because it is only you, that can free yourself of P.

Make sure that it is in your Heart, to get rid of this addiction. because if it isn't 100% in your heart, then you will be fighting a losing battle.

I am very encouraged by the 4 days that you have clean. believe me when I say, this is a very big step in your recovery. so lets see you go 5 days, then 6 days, then 7 days. you can do this, I know you can

It will also be good, if you was to start a journal, and write in it as much as you can. as you come here to share with us, in what you are dealing with, we will be able to help you the best that we can. even if you are to give in to the beast, please let us know. it is not so we can belittle you in any way, but so we can give you the much needed encouragement, to get you going on the right track again

You are on a very long and windy road, but depending on how hard you work your recovery, it will get a lot smoother, and straighter for you

So start this fight, and come out a winner. let this addiction know, just who is in charge of your mind and heart

Good luck to you

[HopefulsRock]

Hey Thestig, Welcome to TTF where sharing is what it's all about so thanks for sharing a bit of your story. It's always good to start your own journal in the recovery journals as this helps you get things out and also allows you to look back at your journey. In my recovery my wife has been my biggest support so you having yours on board is priceless and I'd encourage her to join here as well because she can find great healing from the other SO's on TTF. We gain a lot of strength from each other here at TTF and I wish you the best in your journey of recovery Thestig.