If only one more chance.....

[edjames71]

Hello,

I don't even know where to start. I am a sex addict. I have been married for 15 years now and my marriage seems to be coming to an end. See...my addiction has been like so many I have read about. She discovers me doing things...I deny it or would say I would get help. I never did. I kept taking advantage of her caring nature. Over and over again I did this. Then in March I was caught yet again and she had news for me about what she was doing. This was rock bottom for me. As for her...she is at the end of her rope and can't see us ever working it out and being together again.

I have started therapy and joined a 12 step program. I have been doing this for 2 months now. She still won't change her mind and give me one last chance....but I have had a lot of them. For the first time in my life I'm passonate about her and my marriage but she believes it's too late.

I'm having a very hard time believing my marriage is over. I have hope maybe she might change her mind.....but I have my doubts as well. I wish we could walk this recovery together like so many people here.

I look forward to all the support....I really need it.

Thanks,

Ed

[JenMac]

HI Ed!
Welcome to TTF!
I am glad you are here to face your problems! I am also glad to see the other steps you are taking to put you on the path to recovery.
I am an SO here, along with my H Mac. We have been here for a year now. It has been a long tough road but we are in a much better place now. We continue to work on our marriage and recovery for both of us.
I don't know how your relationship will end up Ed, but I believe that you will discover that you will feel like a completely different person as you move forward in your recovery. You will realize the benefits of leaving that all behind. It is a long road Ed but one that can be worth it in the end.
Not sure if you have told your wife about this site but she may find it helpful for her own recovery. Just a suggestion if you feel it would help in any way!
Hope to hear more from you ED! I encourage you to start a journal in the recovering journal section. That will help you to put down your thoughts and feelings and enable others to respond to you as well!
All the best Ed!
You will find support here! This is a good place for you to be!
Jenn

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Ed
First I want to welcome you here to TTF

I am sorry that you need to be here, but I am glad that you are here. you are not the first one, nor will you be the last one, to say that your marriage may come to a end, because of our addictions. The thing is, as it is with a lot of addicts here, we where given so many ONE MORE LAST CHANCE. The thing is, we never follow through with our promises, and to be honest, our SO's are so very tired of all of our lies, cheating, secrets, unfaithfulness, that now they are just fed up with us, and no longer are willing to trust us anymore.

So the thing is, just what are you going to do to try to save your marriage.

I am glad to see that you have already seeks some help. I attend SAA meetings, and they have proven to one of the important things that I need in my recovery.

Now is the time, to make changes in your life. tough changes. you need to now, become a new person. all of your old ways of doing things, needs to come to a end. The best thing now that you can do for yourself, is to put together a recovery program for you that works. when you put one together, and you see that it just may not be working for you, then change it, and keep doing this until you get one that works for you 100%

If you truly love your wife, and you want to save what you have left of your marriage, then you should be willing to do what it takes to clean up your act. I am not saying that if you do this, all can be saved, but it just gives it a little better chance of being saved.

our addiction is not one to take lightly, it requires a lot of work to fix what we broke, but yes, it can be done

The one thing I do need to say is, that this recovery needs to be yours, and that you are doing it for you, so you can become a better person, not only for you, but for all who are around you. I am saying this because, if you are ONLY doing it to save your marriage, then, it will not work, because it really needs to be within your heart, to want to clean up your act.

If you are doing it for you, then please get going on your recovery. never waver on it, and never slow down. once you start making the changes, and you start feeling better about yourself, in time, your wife should be seeing the changes also.

Helping your wife deal with all of the pain that you put her through, should be a big part of your recovery. you need to be willing to listen to her, give her a shoulder to cry on, if she needs it. you are on a very long bumpy road right now in your recovery, but in time, this road does get a little smoother for you to be on.

Right now, find all of your tools that you need for your recovery. get a very firm grip on your recovery, and work the hell out of it. fight off any temptations that come your way, that will lead you right back on the wrong path

There is no reason as to why, you cant end this addiction, no reason at all. If you fight this from your heart, then you will come out a winner in this battle.
Change you to a better man, a man your wife will be proud of having as a husband. Prove to her, that she is your only one, and no one else means a thing to you . fix what you broke my friend. Us addicts didn't care about how much time it took to screw things up, so it shouldnt matter, how long it may take, to fix things

Good luck to you in your recovery. You can do this. Please be patient with your wife, she is going through some very tough times right now. and if she needs to express how she feels, no matter how much it hurts for you to hear it, LISTEN to her

Hope to see you back here soon. I would encourage you to also start a journal, and come here often, and write in it.

I will check in on you to see how you are doing

[edjames71]

JenMac: thank you for the warm welcome. Actually my wife found this site and sent it to me. I'm sure she is in the partners forums already.

In Need Of Help: Wow, thank you so much for your response. I'm not sure where to begin. I can tell you I'm in recovery for me. I WANT to be a better person someone not only my wife would be proud of....but someone I can be proud of. One thing about me is when I get focused on something there is no stopping me. I'm focused on recovery so this will never be an issue again. Once I hit rock bottom and started working my program and with my therapist my eyes opened and love flowed out. My wife told me my behavior was predictable in the past....now it's not. My wife really doesn't talk to me about how she is feeling. I know she has a lot of anger which she hasn't even begun to look at yet.

I love my wife....she is the only one I want to be with. If she changes her mind that would be wonderful...but either way I will become a great person in the future.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

EDIT

Meant to post in your journal

[FaithStrengthLove]

Hello, Ed. I'm glad that you're here seeking support in your recovery. My SO is a PA (reformingforher). Let me tell you, sometimes relationships don't make it through this, but this change and recovery is for you just as much as it is for your marriage. Maybe she just sincerely wants to see a change in you before she gives you another chance.

I hope you find the support you need here, and I wish you all the best in your recovery.

[mforward]

Welcome to the site Ed,

It's amazing how we all are from so many different walks of life, yet addiction affects us all in a similar way.

You've taken a right step. All the best,
mforward.