Feel so alone

[Redemption]

Hi, I have been an addict for about 20 years. My wife just recently found out an I now am living in a hotel while she decides whether to divorce me. I have been P and MB free for only 2 days. I could really use some help. Thanks for listening.

[JenMac]

Hi Redemption!
Welcome to TTF! I am glad you are here but I am sorry for what you and your wife are going through!!
I am an SO here and I have been here for a year now along with my H Mac.
There are many here who share your story and who, like you, came here with their relationships in tatters!!
The road can be long and tough Redemption but with hard work and determination, this can be a life altering experience, in a positive way. I would never have believed possible, one year ago today, how much wiser, closer and happier, my H and I are today. There has been much learning along the way but we are in a good place now R! I am telling you this to let you know there is hope! I don't know your situation, or how this will turn out with your wife, but I can tell you that this could be the best thing you have ever done for yourself, if you committ to your recovery with determination.
I know in the beginning, my H was only doing this for our relationship but somewhere along the way that changed R, and he began to do it for himself and his wellbeing. There has been a wonderful change that has happened within him and he is a stronger, deeper and more confident man because of that. It really is awesome to see! As a partner he couldn't be any more caring and nurturing and so the long hard road to recovery has been so worth it for both of us!!
Redemption, I encourage you to start a journal in the recovery journal section and to install a filter on your computer. I also would like to encourage you to let your wife know about this site as she would find much support and friendship here, which she will be needing greatly right now.
Wishing you all the best R!
Stay strong! It is worth the committment!!
A stronger, better you is waiting!
Jenn

[mell]

Hello Redemption and welcome to TTF.

I am also a long time addict.

Sorry to hear of your situation. It seems like you know you have a problem, which is the first step. This forum is full of addicts, recovering addicts, and SOs (significant others) who are here to share their struggles and give / recieve help.

I would advise you to check out some of the recovery journals. There are many methods of recovery. Find something you agree with and follow the steps. And keep coming back. We have all been where you are at now. You are worth recovery, for you.

You said you have been an addict for 20 years, are you in any type of recovery program? I am in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). If you would like any info on SAA, feel free to PM me, or you can check out their website to find a nearby meeting. There are also other 12 step groups (SA Sexahaulics Anonymous, SLAA Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) and other recovery groups (Recovery Nation), and many other resources.

My very best wishes to you and your wife.

[chasman62]

Just wanted to add my voice to those of the others welcoming you to TTF. Do some reading, think about starting a journal to share your story with us. There is lots of good advice here to help people with this problem, and it has truly been the key to my recovery (8+ months now after being involved with this for 15 years).

Hope to hear more from you soon.

Chas

[stillandagain]

I was thinking that perhaps a bridge toward your wife might be honest, heartfelt, remorseful conversation, and leading her to this site and WE SO's. My hunch is that she will be helped by the real help and support that is here. She is not alone in her devastation and despair. It helped me to know and experience that here at first. Perhaps you might be willing to real some SO journals, to enhance your sensitivity to the anger and bwtrayal that your wife is feeling. As I learned, the other side of all this is indeed possible, but not without work. You can choose to work separately or together. Either way, to survive and recover from this climactic moment, you will both need to work, and take care of yourselves. I will pray that you come to a place where you can take care of each other.

My best to you both. This side is REALLY HARD: the side toward "recovery," that is.

[artguy34]

Redemption,

There is not much to add that the others before me have posted. Except, that many of us PA's know what you're going through. I never knew I was an addict until the blinders came off and the walls I put up came crumbling down. Then realizing that I've been an addict for nearly 30 years of my life really hit me hard. Now is the time you need to choose, Either a clean life or Porn?

I recommend that you read as much information as you can and educate yourself for the long journey ahead of you. Success can be achieved, though you need to be determined.

Good Luck on your journey to recovery.

AG

[waterlily327]

Hey Redemption! I don't have much extra to say, but I wanted to welcome you to TTF. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with the others: begin to research this and start a journal to help you through. I am the SO of a PA, and I have found TTF wonderful for both myself and my BF. Like Stillandagain suggested, talking to your wife and opening up those lines of communication are essential right now. Communication-good, open, honest communication-is the hardest part of this journey, but also the only way through. Suggest TTF to her as well. The SO's have been wonderfully supportive of me, so I am sure she would find the same welcoming support here. Best of luck to you and your wife.

**Edit: oops! Just realized you started a journal...sorry for re-stating what everyone else had said since you already listened to their advise!