Hello everyone

[Jamie09]

Hi there! This is my first time posting so I'm not to sure what to say. I am having a hard time dealing with my H PA and I'm not even sure if he realizes what a problem this is? It has been an ongoing problem for about 3 years now. I find stuff, then he denies it all. Between the lies and his PA I just don't think I can do it anymore! He finally the last time we fought about this he admitted to having a PA and is willing to go talk to someone, whatever it takes to save our marriage. The thing is I made the appointment and he is making it seem like we are going for me because I have trust issues. I want to make this work for us and our family I just don't know where to begin! I am glad I found TTF, I have been reading forums for days and I don't feel alone anymore...I think it will be nice to be able to talk to others going through the same thing. Thank you for listening.
Jamie

[JenMac]

HI Jamie!
Welcome to TTF! I am glad you have found us!
Jamie, it sounds like your H is still in denial. It often starts out that way, I am afraid. It did for my H as well. It was only with time that he came to know what he knows now and that real recovery began.
In the beginning Jamie, I had to set my boundaries. I had to decide what I was willing to live with and what I was prepared to do if those boundaries were not respected.
I knew I could not live with P in my life and feel safe, loved and respected.
I am glad you are going to counselling. I hope that the counsellor is trained in PA. My experience with a counsellor was not really that good in that she didn't really think P was that big a deal. We were not on the same page!!
Jamie, I know you will receive much support here at TTF! There are many here who know exactly what you are experiencing! You are not alone!
I encourage you to start a journal in the SO journal section. This will help you to get your thoughts and feelings out and to receive support from others.
I wish you peace and healing! TTF has been a blessing to both my H and I. I hope it is the same for you!
Perhaps your H would join us?
All the best!
Jenn

[Mac]

Hi! Jamie
Welcome to TTF.
I know it is sad to have to be here but you have come to a place that has already made you feel a little less alone. That's a great first step by you and for you.
I saw Jenn mention your H still being in denial. She's right for sure. This is a really hard thing to bring ourselves to admit to and it can take a bit of time for us to understand where we are at and come to terms with it all so we are able to admit it.
When you guys go to your appointment don't let him make it about you, be strong and get your voice in there.
This is such a great site to share as a couple, hopefully you can get your Hto come here. You will both get so much from being here.

Good luck
Mac

[Jamie09]

Thank you Jenn for making me feel welcome here! I have not told my H about TTF yet, although I don't know what I'm waiting for. We go see the counselor for the first time this weekend so we will see how that goes first. I will also start writing my journal this week. Thank you again!
Jamie

[Jamie09]

Mac, thank you for the advice! I am a very quite person but I know I have to be strong when we go for our appointment and make it about his PA. I am glad I have found TTF, it's just nice to have somewhere to go to and vent when I'm mad or feeling down and out. It's just nice to talk to others who understand and who are going through the same thing.
Jamie