new here

[feelingbetrayed]

Hi everyone, I'm a SO of a PA. I found this site a couple of weeks ago and decided to join after catching my H viewing P again. He basically lied to me and said it wasnt him and blamed our 17 yr old son. I finally got the truth out of him later that day. I'm so disappointed and feeling betrayed. Thanks for listening!

[JenMac]

Hi Feelingbetrayed!
Welcome to TTF! I am glad you are here!
First and foremost, now you can know that you are not alone! That was huge for me when I joined here almost one year ago, as I had noone to share this with in my everyday life, at least noone I chose to share it with.
I know the feelings you are experiencing as the SOs here have all had those very feelings! It is a tough road you are on but with support from others here, you can begin to heal! Be kind to yourself, make decisions that work for you!
I encourage you to start a journal in the SO journal thread. There is much to be said for getting your thoughts and feelings out!
YOu will find much support and wisdom here FB! I hope you find TTF to be the blessing that I have! It has been a Godsend for me and my H!
All the best!
Jenn

[rosie]

Hi and welcome.

Wow, i would be livid if my husband tried to blame my son - you poor thing, that would be hard.

I hope you find what you want here, and I hope to see you back getting the support YOU need.

Take care. xxx

[Hopeful]

Hi feelingbetrayed,

You are so lucky to have found this site. There are so many understanding people here that will give you support and help you to see that you are not the
only one with these feelings.

We are all here to help you!

[maggie]

Hi Betrayed,

I am another hurting SO that was....and still am... shocked at what a good man will do to keep this secret lifestyle going.

Think how desperate your H must have felt to pin this disgusting activity on his own son!! Actions like that convince me that looking at and acting out to pornography...really is a physical & psychological addiction. A nasty one to come to terms with for everyone; the user and his partner who feels so betrayed.

I was so shattered and confused after I found out about it all, I couldn't eat or sleep.
He was defiant at first, denied it all, blamed it all on me " not being good to him " and then after months of fighting, I could see him beginning to realize the filth of it all and I could see his embarassment and shame.

I think when they are heavily using p, they are so brainwashed and hooked, they don't even realize how sick it is and how sneaking and lying become a daily part of their lives and their relationships.

I guess what I am trying to say is; this is a multifaceted challenge, not only to admit to it all, ( not point the finger at someone else or blame others ), to realize how bizarre this behavior is, and finally to understand how hurtful this is to your partner.

Maggie

[Beanhead]

Hi and welcome.

Wow, i would be livid if my husband tried to blame my son - you poor thing, that would be hard.

I hope you find what you want here, and I hope to see you back getting the support YOU need.

Take care. xxx

Rosie, just a thought in regards to triggering people...

You used the letters "xxx", which is the rating given to P materials produced in the USA.

Just wanted you to know.

[rosie]

You can't be serious beanhead!

[tntang]

hi i to am sorry to hear he blamed your son too pa addiction is very shame ful addiction i know what i have put my so through and my heart goes out to u be strong and understanding the best u can u will find lots of support here

[Disillusioned]

Hi Feeling Betrayed,
You weren't just feeling it, you were betrayed by someone who is very caught up in a world not of his own making. I am sure there is more that will come out here as you deal with your PA H. It tends to trickle out a little at a time, and keep the so bleeding and waiting and wondering if there is more to come, more that your H has done, stuff he hasn't told you, etc.
Suspicion is a natural reaction as is feeling betrayed. If you read, most of us (SOs) feel plain stupid for not catching on sooner to what was going on with the person on the pillow beside ours who had promised to "forsake all others" in wedding vows. They tell themselves it is not cheating, but it is. There may not be bodily fluids exchanged, but the mind of the PA records the action the same as having had S--, the same chemicals are released.
Wait till you learn about the industry that supports these P sites and how the women participants are treated. You will hate the activity even more.
I hope you read this and the responses by others. It is a sad place to be, and a place that takes up a lot of time that could have been used productively in other ways if our Hs had not gotten involved with this modern plague that is P.
Good luck in what you do, what you decide and in getting your PA H to reach out and realize he needs help and a new bunch of understanding of what has hold of him and what he needs to do.
disillusioned

[Cupcakemomma]

Welcome to TTF. I am sorry you find yourself here, but there is nowhere quiet like it if you need to be somewhere.