In need of help supporting my husband...

[RORAMO]

Is this where I post my story? Introduce myself? I guess this is as good as any place, right? I'm a wife of one amazing man, and a mother to 3 (soon to be 4!) beautiful children. Recently, my husband hit me with the news that he is addicted to P. It wasn't a complete surprise as we have had many issues with this topic in the past. The last time I caught him MB, I lost it...and it wasn't until we had another huge argument (including me throwing various household items at him) that he realized the extent of the issue. It is breaking up our family. And, although our children are too young to understand any of this, it begins with my unhappiness from what he's doing and ends up altering my mood, in turn, making me a not-so-fun Mommy to be around. And how fair is that to our children? Because this is between myself and my husband, I know that I am the only one he can count on for support. I'm trying my best to do what I can to remain positive and help him. But, being that we've never been through anything like this, I am grasping at straws on finding ways to help him. I am open to any and all suggestions. I'm just hoping to get my husband back. I want this family to remain together...and I know he does too. So, I'll do all I can to make that happen.
So, there it is...in a nutshell. My story. Don't know if this was the right place to tell it, but hopefully someone gets a chance to read it and help me out. Thanks for reading.
R

[HopefulsRock]

RORAMO, I'd like to welcome you to TTF and I hope your husband finds his way here as well. This site has been my second biggest help in my recovery next to my wife Hopeful.
Thanks for sharing your story and I hope the best for you and your family.

[JenMac]

Hey Roramo!
You found your way!! Yes this is a great place to introduce yourself and to get responses from members. You can also start your own journal in the SO journal section by starting a new thread there. That way you will be able to telll your story as well as journalling your thoughts and feelings and get feedback from others. I can't tell you how helpful that was to me.
As for what you can do to assist your H, I felt what has worked for me, is to first get my head around what I needed, what I could accept. I needed to set my boundaries first.
You say your H has shared with you that he is addicted to P. You don't say if he is wanting to work towards recovery though. If he is, that is a positive sign. Then he will need to put a plan in place to fight for his recovery and there are many things he can do to do just that. My H went to counselling, he put filters on the computers and he was trying to save our marriage which made him open to sharing information with me and committing to honesty. It didn't happen all at once but it was a process that became easier over time. Would he be willing to join TTF as well? He would find much support here.
Welcome to TTF Roramo! I am glad you are here to seek ways to support your H. It will be a learning experience for both of you but together it can be done! It takes 2 to make our way through!!
I am glad you are here!!
Jenn

[Kathy]

Good Morning Roramo...

First let me welcome you to TTF...even though I was really hesitant to this site in the beginning (I didn't want to have anything to do with a computer since I discovered my husband's 'fault'); it truly has been such a blessing for me. You will learn very quickly that you are not alone in this 'discovery' and there are many SO's and some PA's here to support you.

The first day that I 'finally' heard 90% of what was going on, my first response was throwing my very large glass of ice water at HIM!!! Wow - that shook him up a bit...discussions of him needing help, pleading me to let him stay and working things out with our marriage and family were on-going all evening. I don't think I could look at him and truly believe him. But, the next day, we made the appointment of seeing a therapist/counselor and THEN that day was when the rest was revealed. OH MI GOSH...what the heck was going on??? It's in our journals - feel free to read.

Anyway, here we are...he is doing great - he is committed to his road to recovery and the change is remarkable. I wish this for you both...

Take care...

[RORAMO]

Thanks, Kathy. I will be sure to read your journal. Thank you for letting me know there are others out there in my situation. As unfortunate as that is, it is also comforting. I hope you have a wonderful day.

[RORAMO]

Thanks, JenMac. I am very appreciative of your response. To be clear, my husband was actually the one who found this site and mentioned it to me. I don't believe he has joined yet, though. He is taking baby steps to help his situation...and I am so happy for that. It has to start somewhere, right? I'll have to talk more to him about joining. People have been very welcoming and supportive to me...I can't imagine how it would be for him. Thanks again.

[RORAMO]

Thank you, Hopefuls Rock. I'm glad you have a wonderful support system in your wife...it's a good reminder to me that I need to be that for my husband. No matter what.

[JenMac]

Hi R!
It would be very welcoming for your H too! I know it would be!
I also know how difficult it is for that first post! Mac tried to post 3 times and ended up losing that post the first 2 times. After working so hard on it and then poof it was gone. How frustrating that was, after pouring his heart out into those posts.
I know your H will feel welcomed and glad he found us R! It will be so great for him to feel less alone in all of this, just as it is for you.
I hope we will see him soon!
But I am glad that you are here for yourself and your healing! That is so very important too!
All the best!
Jenn

[waterlily327]

Hey Roramo! Welcome to TTF! I am a new member myself...I have been writing the Journals for SO's almost daily since joining, and I have found it really helpful. It is a good place to rant (if needed) and the community here is so supportive! My boyfriend-a PA- actually found this site, much like your H. We actually decided to join together, and we have both found TTF to be helpful, supportive place. I have posted a lot more than he has--I think he is taking "baby-steps" too, but we are both finding this helpful so I hope that your H will consider joining soon! I wish you and your H the best! :)

[stillandagain]

In your first post you wrote "it is breaking up our family."

This really strikes a chord with me. I just don't understand why risk US, the children, the job, everything. Why did he not see that he was doing, yet there was consistency in his consequences.

I am so thankful that he got it this time. And I pray it provides another source of motivation to succees.

And I pray the same for you!

(I like to change colors, too! :">)