Hello everyone!

[kanzi]

So where do I start?

I think it all started about eight years ago when chronic depression was diagnosed. Reality slipped through my fingers while I was spending most of my day behind the computer. One thing led to another, I started looking at P and well I guess like with the rest of you it started getting problematic. Actually I never thought it would be so harmful. But it came to the point that I started having a bill up to 7.000 dollar, it makes me laugh now due to disbelieve and discomfort.

But three years ago I finally thought to myself that I have to deal with my depression, which I thought was the root of my problems. So I decided to pack my bags and live some place far away from anything that reminds me of who I was. I found a home approx 80 miles away and settled down. While there i started hanging out with people made so many friends, had a job, did sports and went to school. Depression was gone but watching P wasn't. I felt like I missed out and partied every single day, drank and used (soft/hard) drugs. Well that was when I was putting my P addiction to practice I used women for my sexual needs as in i lied and deceived, even paid twice for it in a drunk haze. Other than that it went good and I got accepted into University.

So i moved again to the old place and went to University but I am failing it now. I am back spending most of my day behind the computer looking at P, and I don't even like it. But it is holding me in its grip, my grades are horrible, I sleep less and i can't find the energy to do anything about it.

So i found this site several weeks ago but didn't really acknowledge my problems back then. I do now and i am very embarrassed about it. But today is when the rest of my life is going to start, I am going to quit and never look back.

I wish you all a great day and apologies for my spelling.

Greetings,

K

[IN NEED OF HELP]

kanzi
First let me welcome you to TTF, we are here to help you

You will get all of the needed support and encouragement that you need to help you with this addiction. We can in no way cure you, but we can help
There are many things that need to be done to fight this addiction, and you need to want to do this in your Heart, to fight it good and strong.
Right now, you need to get rid of any stash that you may have hidden on your computer. DO NOT kid yourself, thinking that you can saver a few files, because if you have that thinking, YOU WILL FAIL.
SO PLEASE DELETE THEM NOW IF YOU HAVE THEM
It is the best thing to put a internet filter on your computer, so you cant go to those sites, that you love to go to.many have thought that they do not need a filter, but believe me, you do need one. If you don't have one, again, you will FAIL.

You are fighting a very powerful beast in this addiction. He does not want you to give him up in any way, so he will fight you hard to keep him around. He is very sneaky, and he will be always waiting to find a way to get to you, and lead you back in the path of porn
So now is when you need to work out a recovery plan, that will help you in fighting him off. this plan has to be well thought out, so you can find the best tools, weapons, that you are going to need to be in this battle.
Learn what your triggers are, and find a way to fight them off when you come around them. When you feel temptations, urges to look at P, have a plan of action ready in what you can put your thoughts to. just find a way to change the thoughts to something so much better.

You can do this, and you can come out being a winner. You are on a very long bumpy, road, filled with many potholes, but It can become a better road, if you just work your plan, and stick with it. Always be on guard against this beast, and fight him off when he shows his ugly face

It will help you so much if you come here often, and continue to read through others journals, so you can see how they are fighting this addiction, and freeing themselves from it.
I encourage you to start your own journal here, and write down how you are doing. this way, we can learn more about you and your struggles, and we will be able to help you a lot more

I wish you the best on this journey. If it is in your heart to beat this addiction, then YES, you will beat it

Good luck to you. we are here to help, so you are not alone in this battle

[kanzi]

Thank you!

I have to think about writing a journal, want to look around for a bit first. I removed all the P but i still managed to browse on the internet and search for it anyway! You wouldn't know how often I tell myself this is the last time. So I will take your advice and install the internet filter.

Have a nice day.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

=D> I am so happy to hear that. you can not recover if you can still look at things. You are making some good steps towards a real good recovery

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Thank you!

I have to think about writing a journal, want to look around for a bit first.
Have a nice day.

I understand that you may want to wait, but once you do get a journal going, and you write in it, you will see that it helps you in your recovery.
I am not rushing you in any way my friend, but for us to see what area of help you need, we still need to read more about you. All we want here is to see you get a firm grasp on this addiction, and get it out of your life for good.
There is no reason as to why, no one can be P free.

Again I do wish you the best