Lucky to be here

[RobP413]

Maybe that sounds strange, but I believe that myself (and all of us here) are lucky in that we have the opportunity to change, and resources to help us.

I'm Rob and I'm a PA. As a little background, I am getting married in about 8 months. When I met this woman ~4 years ago, I had a long history of P use that I didn't feel was a problem. Strangely, though, when I met her, I decided I didn't want P anymore (wasn't totally sure why), and deleted it all. Desire to look at that stuff dissipated. I went a very long time without looking at it again.

But as time passed by, once every month or couple of weeks, P would pop up again. Each time, I would think to myself, why in the heck did I just do that.. I knew I didn't like it, but I seemed to come back to it for some reason and wasn't sure why. Well, then it hit me: I was addicted!

That's terrifying. So I found TTF about 6 months ago and started reading. Mainly I would read the SO journals as a reminder of the consequences (some of those, truly heart wrenching, my heart goes out to ya'll as well, such wonderful people). Once I got engaged to my bride to be, I was sober for about 3 months, and then had another relapse (3/23), at which point, I said enough is enough, I need to do something serious about this now.

So here I am. I am taking this as seriously as possible because I truly believe there is the potential for life-altering consequences living a life of addiction. I believe that if I continue down this path, it will eventually ruin my marriage, hurt my work performance, destroy my self esteem, and ruin my integrity as a person. Really, there will be nothing left.

So although I am scared at that prospect, I consider myself lucky for several reasons: 1) I have an understanding of where the road of PA takes you, 2) I have a desire to get off of that road, any way possible, right now, and 3) There is this wonderful resource, with so many supportive folks, SO's and otherwise, to help along the way during the thick and thin. Many people in our shoes are missing one or all of those at this point.

Thank ya'll for having me and thank ya'll for being here.

[stillandagain]

Quote: "I truly believe there is the potential for life-altering consequences living a life of addiction. I believe that if I continue down this path, it will eventually ruin my marriage, hurt my work performance, destroy my self esteem, and ruin my integrity as a person. Really, there will be nothing left."

Welcome RobP413! I haven't figured how to do the quote thing yet, but the sentences above jumped out at me from your post.
Very smart words, and so true. YOU are "lucky" that you believe this. Believing this whith all that you are is a great place to start. I wish you the best.

[JenMac]

Welcome Rob!
I am glad you have found us and that you are committing to this recovery for yourself and your relationship! I don't think you will regret it!
I know you will find much support here Rob and if your SO is aware of your addiction, I know she would benefit from the support of others here too!
I encourage you to start a journal in the recovery journal section Rob!
And keep coming back! Keeping this in the forefront of your mind will help to keep you on a positive path!
All the best!
Jenn

[betrayed family]

RobP413, If you only knew how long it takes for some other addicts to TRUELY see the destruction and pain P addiction can cause..... You are on your way to making a bright and connected future for yourself and your SO!! WELCOME and Good Luck!!
Keep coming back... the resourses here are priceless!!
Betrayedfamily