Hello I am an internet porn addict

[Advertiser]

Hello, my name is Pete and I am 57 years old.
I was speaking with my wife of 25 years last night about my depression, the therapy I am having and the meds my doctor prescribed. She said she thought I am an internet porn addict.

A light went off! It is true. I was addicted to online gaming (SecondLife to be specific) for 3 years and it nearly ruined my life. I am in recovery from that for more than 1 year thanks to another fellowship.I have to admit porn was a big part of that addiction.

My porn usage has continuted unabated since I quit SL, and my wife has made me realize that Internet Porn has been the greater and longer underlying addiction.

I have quit today, just for today. I have prayed to my Higher Power for Help and take the opportunity to admit to you my disease.

I will not delete my stash of movies and images and stories, yet. I will not go near them for now and I will delete them when I have a few days or a week of recovery.

Thanks for letting me share and thanks for being here and your help.

- pete

[Phil413]

Hi, Pete! Welcome. I'm glad you've found us, and I'm glad you're ready to get porn out of your life.

I get the impression, though, that you may be underestimating the power of this addiction. You said,

I will not delete my stash of movies and images and stories, yet. I will not go near them for now and I will delete them when I have a few days or a week of recovery.

That's a big mistake. You say you won't go near them for now, but if avoiding porn was simply a matter of deciding not to go near it, you wouldn't need to be here. You could just decide not to go near it and that would be that.

Deleting your stash is the first thing you must do. I mean, if you intend to free yourself from porn, why keep it anyway? Why wait until you have a few days or a week of recovery?

The second thing you must do is cut off your access to new porn. Put an Internet filter like K9 on your computer right away. This is a very powerful addiction, and it can be just about impossible to make any progress in recovery until you put porn out of reach.

Again, welcome. I hope you'll start a recovery journal. It's a big help and I look forward to reading it.

Wishing you all the best!

Phil

[Advertiser]

Thanks Phil,

That's a big mistake. You say you won't go near them for now, but if avoiding porn was simply a matter of deciding not to go near it, you wouldn't need to be here. You could just decide not to go near it and that would be that.

It is possible you are right. I am approaching this in the same way that I was able to quit Online Gaming - SL after several attempts.

My stash is in a portable hard drive locked away in my safe in the basement. So its not handy. I am feeling a little fragile at the moment and prefer to do that when I am ready.

I should also explain that my compulsion is not, at this point, intense. I was without porn for about 2 weeks. Not deliberately, just didnt feel like it. Then yesterday I went online a couple of times.

I guess what I am saying is that I had one of those Aha! moments yesterday. I dont have an overwhelming compulsion at the moment but I do realize I have to get this out of my life and get on the right path.

Again thanks for your welcome.
- pete
PS I discovered that this site is IE friendly and Firefox unfriendly and it might be worth Admins posting this somewhere on the welcome page.

[Crisodian]

PS I discovered that this site is IE friendly and Firefox unfriendly and it might be worth Admins posting this somewhere on the welcome page.

You can find some information on FF compatibility here:
Firefox issues

Peace,
~C~

[Advertiser]

I have spent some time on this Forum and thinking about my addiction and how to recover.

I also read some of the SO posts and I am grateful that my wife is supportive and does not evidence feelings of shock and betrayal. But she has known of my past infidelity both physical and virtual.

I also spoke to a couple of people about Sex Addicts Anonymous and decided that is not for me, as I have not had physical sex with anyone but my wife for 8 or 9 years.

My disease is about fantasy. My most recent obsession has been Live Cam porn. At this point I still have some credits (not much about $20) on one of the sites and I have a private arrangement with one girl.

I am not going to deal with that today, just focus on not relapsing, one day at a time. Just for today. I am also going to work a 12 step programme on this and admit that I am powerless over this addiction and my life has become unmanageable.

I think one of the biggest issues is to get over my addiction to hiding. I will try to be as open and clear with my family as possible.

I have removed the password protection from my computer, removed all porn links and images.

This is my first day of recovery.

Thanks guys for your help and support.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Advertiser

First off, Welcome to TTF

Best place to be to get started on your recovery
Just know that we will be here for you, and help you in anyway that we can.
I am going to put my two cents in, and please know that I mean no disrespect at all in what I say. But in all fairness, I will not sugarcoat anything about this addiction

YOU SAID:
I have removed the password protection from my computer, removed all porn links and images.
=D>Good for you my friend.

I think one of the biggest issues is to get over my addiction to hiding. I will try to be as open and clear with my family as possible.
To beat this, we must be honest, and opened about our addiction. If we are not honest, and mostly with ourselves, we will never overcome this addiction

I also spoke to a couple of people about Sex Addicts Anonymous and decided that is not for me, as I have not had physical sex with anyone but my wife for 8 or 9 years.

I dont know what these people told you to make you decide that SAA is not good for you. Ok, so you havent had physical sex with anyone but your wife, for the last 8 or 9 years, but you said that you was talking to your wife of 25 years, so what was happening in the first 15 or 16 years before that? Unless I am not thinking right, to me, it shows that you once was a cheater, having affairs.
So why do you feel that you dont need SAA?
I have come to see that the best thing that I ever could have done, to help me in my recovery, was to join SAA. they are so important to me in my life. I dont care if I get 10 years free from this addiction, SAA will still be a part of my life.
Just keep the meetings in the back of your mind, for now, but please my friend, never say you dont need them. you will never know if you need them or not, until you go to one. once you do go, then you will know for sure if they are what you need or not, in your recovery. just be opened minded about them.

My disease is about fantasy. My most recent obsession has been Live Cam porn. At this point I still have some credits (not much about $20) on one of the sites and I have a private arrangement with one girl.

So was mine. Dont use the credits. It is just $20.00. dont let $20 be the price that you pay for a relapse in your recovery. to me, no dollar amount is worth me giving up the way I feel about myself in being a little over 3 months free from this addiction. cant put a price on freedom.

I will not delete my stash of movies and images and stories, yet. I will not go near them for now and I will delete them when I have a few days or a week of recovery.

NOT GOOD MY FRIEND, NOT GOOD AT ALL
You can not have this crap around if you are to beat this addiction. Mark my word my friend, if you are honest with us here, and you share your struggles with us, you will come back and say that you gave in, and you looked at your stash.My friend, this decision will come back and bite you in the ass big time. I seen it happen way to many times. It happened to me.
Please do not underestimate the power of this addiction. If we have stash around that we can get to, we will use it.


My stash is in a portable hard drive locked away in my safe in the basement. So its not handy. I am feeling a little fragile at the moment and prefer to do that when I am ready.

Is this how valuable this crap is to you, that you put it in a safe with all of your other precious things that you want to protect ?
Come on my friend, GET RID OF IT NOW

Listen to me. All we want, is to see you do good in your recovery. but if you are to do good in it, you must do what you can at this very second, to protect YOUR HEART from this addiction.
None of us are strong enough to fight this beast off on pure will power alone.
If you are to even have a chance of beating this, It has to be in your heart to do so. If we are not willing to fight this fight that we are going to face, and if it inst really in our hearts to do so, or if we are doing it for other reasons than doing it for ourselves, WE DONT HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL TO WIN THIS BATTLE

I hope that you come to see, that you can not have anything around that you can turn to in order to feed your addiction. we want to see you free from this.
You will never be alone in this battle, because you have a lot of people here that will fight this with you.
But in order for us to help you in anyway, You need to start off by helping YOURSELF

I really do hope for the best in your recovery. I hope that you have many days of being free from this addiction.

My friend, Good luck to you. We are here for you when you need us

[Advertiser]

Hello, thanks for the good advice.
I take the point regarding SAA - I did not see any listings for The Netherlands on their site so I mailed them this morning.

Regarding the 'stash' perhaps I was misunderstood. At the moment I am feeling too fragile to delete these things. Porn is mouse click away any time I am online. The stuff I have is actually on the backup of my USB stick - I already delete from my current personal files - so I will have to delete the backup. It is a bit of a project to go searching around for those files.
- I will not keep this stuff, only wait for a time I feel spiritually stronger.
- The credits on the cam site, I need to delete my accounts there, I dont care about the money vs my recovery. The only issue is whether the money goes to the cam company or a girl. Again I dont want to be tempted right now but I wont wait longer than a week to address it.

I had an argument with my wife last night. She does not believe in online groups for recovery, wants me to go to a priest or counsellor and confess. I will think about that. In the meantime I will keep posting here.
- pete

[Winston811]

Hello, thanks for the good advice.
I take the point regarding SAA - I did not see any listings for The Netherlands on their site so I mailed them this morning.

Regarding the 'stash' perhaps I was misunderstood. At the moment I am feeling too fragile to delete these things. Porn is mouse click away any time I am online. The stuff I have is actually on the backup of my USB stick - I already delete from my current personal files - so I will have to delete the backup. It is a bit of a project to go searching around for those files.
- I will not keep this stuff, only wait for a time I feel spiritually stronger.
- The credits on the cam site, I need to delete my accounts there, I dont care about the money vs my recovery. The only issue is whether the money goes to the cam company or a girl. Again I dont want to be tempted right now but I wont wait longer than a week to address it.

I had an argument with my wife last night. She does not believe in online groups for recovery, wants me to go to a priest or counsellor and confess. I will think about that. In the meantime I will keep posting here.
- pete

Hi Pete,

Welcome to TTF,

I understand that you think you are feeling to fragile to delete your stash, and that you are waiting to be spiritually stronger in order to do so. I believe that you need to delete these before you can begin your recovery.

Think of an alcoholic. Its going to be very very difficult to stop drinking as long as there is a bottle of vodka around the house.

I believe that you will feel stronger when you have rid yourself of the "stash". This is a big step in the right direction of recovery, and needs to be done asap.

All the best to you Pete, with the right plan and determination you will beat this thing.

Winston

[Advertiser]

Allright, since all the advice I have was to delete my stash I did it.

I went to my backup hard drive and uninstalled all photos and movies. I also logged onto the cam site, deleted three accounts and paid remaining cash to some of the models.

I am pretty sure that is it.

When I have some time later today I will look through my CDs to see if there are any photo CDs I burned.

- pete

[Phil413]

Porn is mouse click away any time I am online.

You need to change that, my friend. As long as that's true, you're like an alcoholic living in a liquor store.

I suggest you download and install an Internet filter right away. I use K9; it's free and it works very well. Make a password that you can't remember (e.g., a long string of random numbers and letters). Put that password where you can't get to it easily.

I can't overstate the importance of doing this. I've seen several guys try to get sober without a filter on their computer, but I haven't seen anyone succeed that way yet.

Wishing you all the best!

Phil