Newbie

[Beanhead]

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to say that I'm new to joining this website (although I've been perusing it for about a week).

I am a PA and my addiction has caused many loses....of jobs, one marriage...and am now probably going to lose another. I have certainly hit rock bottom with my addiction and my need for P has caused so much damage and pain.

I am looking forward to the support and resources in this website. I appreciate in advance the support that I already feel from the people here.

Here to heal and experience new life,

Beanhead
(college nickname)

[PER50NA]

first welcome this is a fantastic place to start so good job on I think of it like this your stuck in a hole and someone throws you a rope (I would say a ladder but ladders are to easy to climb) that rope is your way out there is a way out even though it might not seem like it at times it will get easier you just gotta stick with it this site is a fantastic resource and a great place to start I havent looked at P in over two months and I own alot of that to this site and the people on it

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to say that I'm new to joining this website (although I've been perusing it for about a week).

I am a PA and my addiction has caused many loses....of jobs, one marriage...and am now probably going to lose another. I have certainly hit rock bottom with my addiction and my need for P has caused so much damage and pain.

I am looking forward to the support and resources in this website. I appreciate in advance the support that I already feel from the people here.

Here to heal and experience new life,

Beanhead
(college nickname)

First, let me say Welcome to TTF

I am glad that you are here. You are in the right place to start a new life, a life without Porn.
As PER50NA very well explained, we are in a hole, and we allowed ourself to get very deep in it. But now you need a way out of it. so that rope that PER5ONA was talking about, we are going to throw it down to you, to try to get you out of this hole. we need to try to get you on some stable ground, so you can get a firm hold on this addiction.

You need to understand, that none of here are able to cure you in the slightest bit. all we can do, is try to make your journey a little better for you. Dont get me wrong in any way, we are here to help, and we will do all that we can. we are not know for giving up on members of our family

Now that I said that, I need to say this. We can not help YOU, if you dont help YOURSELF. there are many thing that you need to do, to get your life started to be free from this crap. in no way is it easy, but it does get easier down the road

Right now, go to your computer, go to any files that you know of that may contain some personal stash that you are hiding. if you have theses files, then you know where they are, so you dont need to open them. click and delete that file, or files that you may have. I know what I am talking about. you will be so glad that you got rid of them, if down the road, you get temptation to look.
YOU CAN NOT HAVE ANYTHING ON YOUR COMPUTER THAT YOU CAN USE TO ACT OUT WITH.
Get yourself a good recovery plan going. make sure it is one that will work. if you see it isn't working, change it.

If you dont have a filter on your computer, then get on. you must stop anyway to get to this crap on the internet. If you have problems trying to figure out how to set it up, we have another member, that I am sure will help you through this.

many of us, really needed to change our ways of thinking and doing things. only you know what is needed to get you free from this addiction. But, if we feel that you are doing something wrong in your recovery, and we see it is not working, We will let you know about it. we only do this, because we care about you, and we want you to change to a better person.
Just do what you can right now from this start, to get rid of this addiction. you already know the pain that it causes to us and to our families. dont let another day go by without having that recovery plan down.
Very important now, you must want to do this with your HEART. if it is not deep in your heart to be porn free, then you may fail. You must be doing this for you first, to make you a better person.

Always be on guard my friend, because this beast that we are fighting, is a fighter also. He wont back down. He wont run away. He will always be there ,hiding so you dont know that he is there, and at the right time, HE WILL JUMP ALL OVER YOU MY FRIEND. so please, just be on guard.
only you know what your triggers are. dont allow yourself to be somewhere, or look at something that can trigger you to act out.

All we want my friend, is to see you happy. We want to see you fight this beast, so you can no longer have this addiction in your life

The only way that we can help you, is by knowing what your struggles are. so please, start your own journal, and come here as much as you can to write in it. let us know what is going on in your life, so we can help you
You are no way in this alone.We all have been, or still are, where you are at. Somehow, we will fight this beast together

Good luck to you my friend in your recovery

[Beanhead]

Thank you both for your comments and your encouragement.

I am so sick of giving in to this "beast", as you called it In Need of Help. I'm fighting and fighting it hard.

I never downloaded any files into our home laptop as I knew my wife would find it. Attempting to hide internet history was so stupid and she found that several times in the last 4 yrs.

My biggest trigger and downfall was when I got a Blackberry. Correction, when my wife bought me a Blackberry. Then later a Blackberry Storm. It was so easy to get on that browser and find P.

Ultimately, the high amount of data that went through my phone caused Verizon to call and find out what was going on. And so I was caught - dead to rights.

However, I've experienced and continue to experience the shame/need more P to feel good cycle and I'm intent on breaking the cycle once and for all.

I'm joining a 12 step SAA group, seeing a therapist (male) with and seperate from my wife and have joined this website. I read the resources found here and in the links every day. We've purchased NetNanny for the laptop, my wife took my phone and I'm now using a Motorola Razr with no browser capabilities.

All of these in order to fight this beast.

Thank you so much for being here and for sharing your experiences - they sure encourage me to fight this hard.

Beanhead

[IN NEED OF HELP]

I'm joining a 12 step SAA group,

GOOD FOR YOU MY FRIEND
You will be so happy that you did. Best thing that I done to help my in my recovery

[presson]

Head up bean, like the lowest of the low in a good movie plot, times are about to be a changin'!!!

(yoda)

[Beanhead]

Head up bean, like the lowest of the low in a good movie plot, times are about to be a changin'!!!

(yoda)

Well presson, I sure needed to hear that this morning.

Thanks!

[HopefulsRock]

Hello Beanhead, I noticed you said this in another post;

Like most PAs, I have hidden so much and kept so much inside that I can't just become transparent and sharing with a snap of the fingers. It takes time, which seems to be one of the things that angers my wife so much

And rightly so that it angers your wife so much because the break in trust that this discovery has laid on her has caused her a great trauma in her life! That's why the time is now for you to be forthright and become transparent so she can see just what she's dealing with and up against... No more hiding or keeping to yourself because in order for both of you to deal with it, it has to come out... because in the end, you're only hiding from yourself!