Ready and Willing

[StollenHeart]

Hello everyone!
Thank God for this wonderful site, and everyone who is here to support one another!
Like many of you, I am knew to this...and very frightened, confused, and all the other roller coaster of emotions that I go through daily.
Just a few days after Valentines Day I caught my H and confronted him, and he admitted to being a PA. I was devastated and it pretty much feels like my heart is a pile of dust. We have been married just over 5yrs now, and for the past few I always felt "something" wasn't right, and that he was keeping a big secret from me. We would talk and he would always assure me nothing was wrong but I had always been skeptical.
We have been through amny tough years-lots of bad luck-and with my own health problems and depression, I cant help to think this is somewhat my fault.
Reading everyones own stories I am finding that I am definetly not alone (as I do feel) and that all the emotions and guilt etc that I am feeling are normal. We are heading to couples therapy that deals specificaly with PA, but every now and then I come across SO MANY failed marriage stories and that scares me!
I love my H very much and I am determined to help him and beat this together! I have even ordered some books to help me cope and understand-has anyone read any books on PA??
Also each day is different, I can wake up depressed and so sad, and the next day I will be very angry and just want to scream at him "how could you do this to us!".
I feel terrible and so confused, I wish I could see into the future and know it will be ok. I keep thinking I am stuck in a bad dream...my white knight isnt so heroic as I thought :(:((

Trying to stay strong and beat this...but it has only been a few weeks and I am exhausted and so scared and broken!
Any advice?? Will it get better or worse? What should I expect and how can I help my H??

Thanks all!

[2frustrated]

From what I've read from all of the SO's on here, if you both are committed to making it work (and he's committed to stopping p for good), then you're on your way to better times. The pain will diminish, bit by bit. Hang in there!

[StollenHeart]

Thanks, its good to hear positive feedback, my first so far! lol ;)

[want2bebetter]

Welcome to TTF! This is a place of trust. Thanks for joining. Where's your H? He should join.

[JenMac]

Hi StollenHeart!
I am Jenn and I am an SO here. I have been here since April 2010. My H Mac is also here and we are working our recoveries together.
Mac and I have been married 34 years and the discovery of this intrusion in our lives was heartbreaking to say the least. The devastation felt huge and came as quite a surprise to me at the time.
We have been through a very difficult time the past 11 months since discovery and the first few months were very painful. The emotional upheaval was huge and I can identify with the ups and downs that you are describing.
But I can tell you SH, that recovery is possible if you are both committed and choose to work at this together. Mac and I are in a better place, we are stronger and more connected, closer and yes, wiser than we were a year ago. It has been a long and at times painful journey, but also an awakening of sorts. We have learned so much in this time and TTF has been such a blessing to us. I am not sure where we would be without it!
I hope you will find support and healing here SH! You have come to the right place! I am glad you have found us!
Take care of you at this time! You need time to just look after you, be kind to you!
Wishing you all the best! You are not alone now!
Jenn

[Hopeful]

StollenHeart...

Welcome to TTF and I have to say that you are so lucky to find this place. If not for all of the caring people here I wouldn't be where I am today. It is so hard, as the SO, to understand and try to figure out how to get through all of the emotions that we have to deal with...no matter where we are in our healing/recovery.

You definitely will find the support and understanding you need here.