1st posting

[CurseTheBeast]

OK I'm a newbie. I just recently recognized my addiction to P. Although I don't know why it wasn't very apparent to me before. I also recognize that I need support. When I recognized the issues, I started to immediately search for help/support sites. Doing alot of reading etc. and now actually becoming a participant.

Until I get to feel more comfortable here, I hope I don't do or say anything that doesn't meet the sites rules. Alot of the concepts and words are new to me, but I want this to work (help). I recognize that this is my problem, but I can't overcome it by myself.

Since my PA has become knowledge to my family, although they are hurt, they have been very supportive. I came to grips with this a few days ago and even before I read some of your suggestions I immediately erased every bit of P from any source that I had control over. I even went to the extent of smashing with a sledge hammer an external hard drive that I couldn't get working to erase "stuff". Also trashed anything that I could relate to my problem.

I have quickly realized the amount of time and damage P has taken in my life. I am retired and had to much spare time for 12 years, as I recognize the void that has now set into my life. I now find myself doing alot of chores around the house, but there are limits to that outlet. When I start to lose my ability to keep busy and I start banging my head into the walls, I have to get out of the house and walk. The boredom and guilt are overwhelming at this point, I am having trouble eating and sleeping as a result. Hopefully, I will start to find new and meaningful activities to occupy and direct my life through.

My family has been to good to me, I don't deserve it. But I am truely thankful

[JohnnyLan]

Welcome.

This group has been incredibly supportive as I have wrestled to become free. Check in often! And read the posts. I try to everyday just to keep myself aware of the reasons I want to he free.

The 100 day sobriety challenge Phil is doing has been a good motivator for me. And the spouse pages are very open in just what this addiction does to them.

May you find the freedom you really long for.

[CurseTheBeast]

Thanks Johnny....I know that I have to come here to have positive results by visiting here. As well as several outside sources of encouragement. I had really been doing P for about 12 years and never really felt badly about it until I came to that moment of understanding. It made me realize how much wasted time and harm P was causing ot only to me but my loving family.

I now know that it was a beast and I must struggle to succeed. While I am just 5 days into complete withdrawal, I generally feel good, and while I haven't had any desires to return, I know that it lurks around every corner.

Wishing you all the best in your fightso just remember "Curse The Beast"

[IN NEED OF HELP]

CurseTheBeast

First, I want to welcome you here to TTF. I know that this is a place that you never want to be at, but I am glad that you are here. Here you will receive the Encouragement, and the Support that you need, to help you overcome this addiction. The one thing that you need to understand, is that there are many, many changes that we all need to make to be able to beast the monster that we are fighting. And if this is in your heart, to fight this addiction, then the changes will not be all that hard to make.

As you may already know, this addiction is so much harder to overcome than any other. No matter were we go, or what we do, this addiction follows us around. We ALWAYS need to be on guard against anything that may trigger us to give in to this beast. WE CAN NOT HIDE FROM HIM AT ALL.

We may need to change the way we think, the things we watch on TV, or the way we view women that are walking down the street. The good thing thou, is that we can win this battle. It is not going to be easy, but YES we can win it. We have a very long road to travel on, that has many bumps and potholes that we will hit along the way, but it can get smoother, if we work our recovery, and do it whole heartily.

You are not here alone my friend. We are here to help you as much as we can. We are not able to cure you in any way, but we will encourage you and support you in your fight against this monster. So right now, look for all the weapons that you feel you will need to conquer this beast. Just make sure you have a very good breast plate, so you can protect your heart. This is where this monster likes to attack.

Never feel that you have this addiction beat. You can be sure, that as soon as you feel you have beat him, and you start getting relaxed in your recovery, he will pounce on you faster than hell. So always be aware of him

I encourage you to come here as much as you can, and read through the journals, to see what others are going thru, and what they are doing to make there recovery work for them.
I also encourage you to start you OWN journal, and write in it as much as you can. If you write down your struggles, someone who reads it may be able to give you the right support that you may need.

I hope that you are able to get your two feet on the ground, and have a solid foundation, so you can fight him off the best that you can. I have only about 85 days clean, I do struggle, but It does get easier as time passes. I am 54 years old, and I have many years of this crap to get rid of.

If you are to slip in your recovery, never get down on yourself. But use it as a learning experience to fight him better. Figure out what it was that made you give in, and make those needed changes that you need to

Again, remember, that you are not alone in this. We are all trying to fight this beast together

I wish you the best of luck in your travels. I will always come and check in with you, to see how you are doing my friend

[CurseTheBeast]

Thank you for your response, support and knowledge. I hope to remain strong, but know that I have weaknesses. But with the help of God, my family and people like you I will have a better chance to Curse The Beast.