A new SO...

[Carly_Woa]

Hi Everyone,

So I'm new here, X_X and new to this posting thing, so I'll dive straight in...

I've been with my SO for over 5 years now and we are meant to be getting married next year. From day 1 we have had problems, not just with his P habit but after things became between us became more serious, the P habit has been our one persistant problem.

Time and time again he has hurt me with his lies about P and I'm feeling pretty low about it at the moment. It has always been "this is the last time" and "one more chance" over and over, but about a month ago we had a huge blow-out about yet another 'discovery' and this seems to have been the turning point - for him at least (I hope).

I'm left hurt, yet having to be supportive as he tries to battle his PA. Planning a wedding and not knowing if it will happen/or even if it will last? And with no trust but having to believe him when he says he has been 'clean' for 16 days. It's so hard and it hurts. I want to believe him, I love him and I know he is so good inside. but I just don't understand his need for lies - it is almost to the point where I think he is more addicted to lying than to P, but he is convinced the two are related.

So, I'm here, reading other peoples stories has helped me loads, and so I decided to join and share too. I amazed at how similar most SO's stories are and looking for motivation to get through this!

Thanks guys,
CW L-) x

[mell]

Hi Carly and welcome to TTF,

I am a PA, approaching 6 months of sobriety.

I'm glad you have come here. There is an amazing group of SOs here who are very supportive. I'm sure you've seen that and the benefit of sharing your struggles.

Would your SO consider joining? If he is serious about getting help, this is a very good start. There are many PAs here who are happy to help out, share stories and struggles, and just be there for support.

IMO the lying is a very big part of any addiction, so yes, I agree with the relation.

Again, welcome. I hope you find the support you need for yourself. And if he hasn't already, please encourage your partner to check us out too. Best wishes to both of you.

[rosie]

Welcome Carly! :)

I am a SO too. So, I now where you're at! :( Sorry that you find yourself in this situation, but glad that you are here!

Many of us have and are in your situation so I hope you will find support and understanding from all of us here. The important thing for you to focus on is YOU in all of this. You have your own recovery from the trauma and hurt of the fallout to work through. I didn't realise that when I first started here...that I had healing to do of my own, I was just too focused on the PA and "him".

I don't have much to say that will not offend you about the marriage situation..suffice to say if it were I, the p problem would be my #1 focus at the moment before any wedding plans were continued.

I hope that you find the support you need here!

Love and peace to you friend. xxx

[BelieveInHope]

hi Carly,
Welcome. Sorry you have to be here, but this is a wonderful place for you to find support. I've been at this healing/recovery thing for 14 months now, though I'm pretty new to this board. I have found it very welcoming. Most of the action seems to be in the journals, as members follow each other's journeys and offer hope and advice.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I will also step out on a limb and second Rosie's suggestion to concentrate on the p problem first. As you do more research on p addiction, I think you will find that recovery for the PA, healing for you, and rebuilding the relationship takes a long time and a lot of emotional energy. Please take care of you.

And welcome!