Need some support

[this_guy]

Hi everybody, this is my first post here on TTF. I've been lurking for a while, and after I lapsed yesterday I decided I needed to join. I really am trying but I hardly ever stay clean for more than a couple of days, I hate it. When I was younger I struggled with drug addiction, and this is so much harder to kick. I first encountered P when I was about 11, and over time it became a kind of coping mechanism for me. I don't know what to do, I put a filter on my computer, but I need to know the password b/c the filter will block non-P things that I need to get to. I started keeping a journal, it feels like it's helping, but I still lapse two or three times a week. Hopefully being on TTF will help. I beat drug addiction by cutting out all of the people that gave me access to drugs. I wish I could just throw away my computer or cancel my internet, but I'm a college student and I just don't think that's an option. Nobody in my life knows about this, and I don't want them too. I'm hoping I can just beat this quietly and nobody will have to know it was ever a problem. Please reach out, give me some advice/support, going this alone is not working.

[Phil413]

Hi, this_guy. Welcome! I'm glad you're here. This is a very tough addiction to beat, as you know, but with determination (which you already have), and a sound strategy (which you'll develop), you can do it.

I put a filter on my computer, but I need to know the password b/c the filter will block non-P things that I need to get to.

Try K9. I've been using it for months and I've never had it block something that I really needed to get to.

However, in case that happens, what you might do is create a password that is a really long string of random numbers and letters; something you can't possibly remember. Write it down and then put that paper in a difficult-to-reach place. Then, if you really, really need to change a setting in the filter to allow a certain page, you can do so.

I can't over-emphasize the importance of cutting off all access to P. Especially early in your recovery, it's essential. Putting P out of reach will give you the breathing room you need to begin to establish some sobriety and to begin your recovery.

Good luck to you!

Phil

[IN NEED OF HELP]

this_guy

First I want to welcome you to TTF. This will prove to be your first big step to get you on your was to recovery. There are so many here that can help you by offering Encouragement and Support. You will never feel like you are alone in all this.
I also want to really Encourage you to listen to Phil about the filter. He knows what he is talking about on this matter.

Now I need to say something that I do feel I need to say.
you said:

I beat drug addiction by cutting out all of the people that gave me access to drugs. I wish I could just throw away my computer or cancel my internet, but I'm a college student and I just don't think that's an option. Nobody in my life knows about this, and I don't want them too. I'm hoping I can just beat this quietly and nobody will have to know it was ever a problem. Please reach out, give me some advice/support, going this alone is not working.

You can Throw that computer in the trash, but that still will not help you with your addiction. The computer is just your main source of feeding your addiction. So yes do put a filter on it, so you can not feed from there anymore. But in reality, the only way you are going to beat this addiction, is by you changing, and making MANY changes in your life. So why do we need to make changes??
You said:
I beat drug addiction by cutting out all of the people that gave me access to drugs.
How my friend, are you going to cut out all the things that can trigger you to want to view porn? No matter where you are in life, where you go, the people you hang around with, the movies that you watch, the books that you read, This addiction is right there with you. and this addiction is cleaver, and it loves to be sneaky. It can jump on you at any time it wants to. So we need to change the ways we view things.
You said:
Nobody in my life knows about this, and I don't want them too. I'm hoping I can just beat this quietly and nobody will have to know it was ever a problem.
We do not know what you do in your life when you are not doing your studies. Remember, if you are to beat this addiction, and you no long want it in you life, there are changes to be made. My question is this, What are you going to do, if you are with a group of friends, and you see a beautiful woman walking, and everyone starts making comments about her?. what are you going to do, if one of your friends, wants to share a pic of some nude woman that he has on his phone? What are you going to do, if they want to go to a certain club, that lets just say, only woman work there, are you going to go.?

You see, if you want this monster gone, many changes are needed to be made. Theses questions I asked you , was for you to think about. Because they all can be a trigger to put you right back into your addiction. It may happen come to be, that you may need to tell your friends, that you cant look at that Pic, you cant go to that club. and if they are friends and true friends, they wont influence you with this
My point is this, WE all need to take a good look at ourself, learn what is a trigger, what is it that makes us want to look at porn. When we get theses answers, then we need to adjust our ways, and our thinking, so we can have a strong recovery.

I hope I did not say anything that upset you, or hurt you in anyway. The only reason I did this was because of what you said:
Please reach out, give me some advice/support, going this alone is not working.

That is what we are doing right now. You are not in this alone. We are here for you

[this_guy]

Thanks to both of you for reaching out. I already took the suggestion of making the password something random and out of reach, so far I think it's helping.
IN NEED OF HELP, don't worry you didn't upset me, I really do appreciate the advice. Your right, I need to make some serious changes. Luckily I live out in the country, so there are no clubs to speak of, and most of my friends think P is exploitive and destructive. But there are still other things that I do need to change. Keeping a journal has made me realize that alcohol and boredom are two of my biggest triggers. Alcohol is something that I can be wary of, but boredom sneaks up on you. I'm going to have to learn how to deal with it in a new way, a constructive way.
I really appreciate the encouragement and the advice, today is my second day clean and I really believe I can beat this.

[hannah]

Hello This Guy,
Well done for working out your triggers which, are the same as my boyfriends. He doesn't have a drink addiction but, if he is feeling down and has a drink he becomes very self destructive and used to view porn.
Now he is P free for two months and has not had a drink at all for 6 weeks, I have not had a drink either. Seeing what it does to people now gives me now enjoyment from it. It is making a huge difference in ways we never realised, for example, like many people we would have a drink on Friday night to relax and really look forward to opening that bottle........ now we don't even think about it and feel on an even keel all the time, there is no need to drink and it's a lovely freedom.
Do you like walking@ We live near the countryside and this also helps.
Love
Hannah x