Finally found some companionship

[Cantina]

Hello everyone,
I've been shuffling through posts for a few weeks now and found that it is time to introduce myself.

I'm in round 10 (i've lost count by now) of the PA confrontation/arguement. I've decided that this time, I am going to focus on helping myself heal.

Again, I've gone through the range of emotions: suspicious of unusual behavior, paranoid that the P is back, trembling fear as I check the computer, sick to my stomach as the suspicion is warrented, anxious about the confrontation, then lonely and angry, and hopeless for the weeks to follow.

My S/A and I have been together nearly 8 years and half has been a struggle with the PA.

Now, I am trying to heal myself, learn to not blame myself, start to feel good about myself.

As I ready everyone's stories I feel as though I could be telling them myself, or all of you have been flies on my wall. I feel better knowing that I am not alone in this struggle. That this struggle is real, that what I feel is real. This is the beginning of MY journey and thank you all for giving me the strength to take the first step.

-Cantina

[Crisodian]

Cantina,
A very warm welcome to TTF. I am the SO (wife) of a PA in recovery since September 2009.

You have come to a great place to seek help and healing for yourself.

I strongly encourage all SOs to start a journal in the Partner's Forum. You will find a large, supportive, helpful and compasionate group of SOs to help guide you on your journey towards healing and hope.

Find a path to peace,
~C~

[Yechezkel]

Welcome to the forums Cantina, may you find peace and healing here.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Cantina
I am so sorry that you need to be here, But I do want to welcome you to TTF. I am a PA, and I do know the pain that you have at this time is very bad, and I do know how you are feeling. I destroyed my SO so much because of my problem. I just ripped her beautiful heart right out of her chest. I wish I could make her feel better, but I know that I cant. I caused all this pain, So somehow I will fix it.

You said that now is the time to starting yourself, and not to blame yourself for this. You dont have any reason to blame yourself, Because you did not do anything wrong in any wrong at all. It is US men that are to blame for all this pain that you Women are going through. I guess that we just dont take to heart, what the outcome will be, when we do something wrong. And we do know it is wrong, because we are doing it behind you backs.

Well I just wanted to welcome you here, and I do hope that you get all the Support and Encouragement that you need, to start your Healing

God Bless You

[Cantina]

Thank you everyone for your welcome. I have found that reading posts in the PA section and So section to be very helpful.

IN NEED OF HELP - thank y ou for your welcome, I know that it is hard for me to find myself here as a SO with a PA so I can only imagine the courage it took to bring yourself here. I'm glad you are on the road to recovery and wish you all the best