new here

[veevee]

Hi,

My name is Vee, and I learned that my husband of over 14 years has a porn addiction and has had this problem since before we got married.

He told me about it after an episode of one of his angry moments. (three weeks ago)During the angry moment..I told him to get help or leave. He chose to leave and then wrote me a letter the next day confessing to his addiction.

Since that time I have gone down 2 pants sizes(which is a good thing cause I was getting up there in weight) I just can't seem to eat and when I do I am so sick afterwards.

Um, I was on the fast track promotion at my job and now I have screwed that up and My perfect work ethic is now barely acceptable to my bosses. I have to go into work tomorrow and be reprimanded for a mistake I made a few days ago.

I have been lurking here as a guest for a week..debating on joining and then once I joined debating on posting. It is very hard for me to post at all because I seem to have become detached from it. I almost feel like I have been pulled into my husbands fantasy life without approval. I feel like I am listening to a show when I talk about it with him...Like I am not the wife in this devastating situation. That is some other poor soul...Of course, for me to post this on here makes me cry because it forces me to face the truth.

So in this first posting, I have overcome... one step...one fear...one lie...I hope I have enough courage to continue onward with an unasked for journey riddled with thorns, scary beasts and devils.

[rosie]

Hey VeeVee! :) Welcome but SORRY that you have to be here :(
It is so bitter-sweet.

I am Rosie, and I'm the SO of a PA - although we are in the process of separation/divorce at the moment after a 10 year relationship which started in P prior to the marriage.

Suffice to say that P was not the ONLY things he did, and it led him into full blown sex addiction.

Well done for overcoming your fears - You are among FRIENDS here. Please don't feel scared to share. We all know what you are experiencing.

I felt just like you did - that I was pulled into his addiction WITHOUT a choice in the matter. My whole life was changed and I lost myself as a person.

I hope you find peace soon V :)

Take care of you.

[JenMac]

Welcome Vee!
I am glad you have found us!
Yes it is a sad thing that you have discovered in your life. The affects from this discovery in our lives can send us into turmoil and trauma. What you are experiencing is not uncommon on this site. You are not alone!
I am sorry for your pain and for the physical effects this is forcing upon you. The stress can make us physically ill, if we allow it.
I too felt like I could detach a bit in the beginning. I seemed to operate on 2 different levels, one in which I could be supportive to my H and one in which I dropped into a pit of emotion and stayed buried for days. I felt absolutely crushed by what I was learning about my H of over 30 years.
I can tell you Vee that it is a hard road we are on but my H and I are working through this together. While it has been difficult, I can tell you that we are in a much better place after 10 months time.
You will have decisions to make along the way Vee, but they don't all have to happen at once. Right now the most important thing you can do is to take care of yourself. When you are ready, you will need to determine what your boundaries are and what it is you are prepared to do for yourself and your relationship. It all takes time! It is a process.
When I first came to TTF, it was suggested to me that I write my H a letter, which I did. It had a huge impact on my H Vee. And it was good for me to sort out my thoughts and feelings. It is definately something you may want to consider.
I am glad you are here Vee! I know you will find support and kindness here. TTF has been a lifeline to me for the past 9 months. I hope you find it the same for you!
All the best!
Jenn