Need Help

[MoveForward]

Hello. I’ve been browsing this forum on and off over the past few months and feel that it’s time for me to make my first post. I, like many of you have struggled with P addiction for quite some time. I’ve decided that it is in my best interest to kick my internet P addiction in the butt before another year goes by and gets even worse.

My addiction to P started probably a little over a decade ago when my family first got the internet. Prior to this, it was just VHS and magazines. Oh how I miss those days so much. Unfortunately, the internet came along and the beginning of the end was set in stone. I wont lie, up until a couple of years ago, I still thought that internet P was amazing. Every day there were hundreds of thousands of new pictures and videos to choose from. Porn of any imaginable fetish, all at the tip of my fingers. During the first 8 years of my now 10 year addiction, I was completely oblivious to any problems with my excessive P use. Day after day, month after month, and year after year, I’d spend hours browsing the net for Pand MB. Constantly seeking out new and occasionally more bizarre material. Frequently, I was searching for that perfect woman/body that closely resembled what I envisioned and always longed for in my own life. I knew this beautiful woman, so similar to all those gorgeous women on the net wouldn’t be coming along today. But someday, a woman just like the ones I so lusted over in the pictures and videos would enter my life and make it complete. After all, what was the harm of looking at and dreaming of all these perfect, beautiful women until a real one came along? The problem is that the days came and went just as the years have steadily gone by, and after all that time I wasted, I have no one. Just a bunch of digital pictures and videos of women that I’ll never meet, never fall in love with, and certainly never have intercourse with. I’ve wasted so time lusting over women who will never physically exist in my life. Another problem is that the sexual stimulation of these images and videos never seems to last. After a day, rarely two, I find myself once again spending hours searching for new more stimulating material. It seems like an endless battle and I’m tired of it.

PA hasn’t been my only problem, as I am in the process of addressing numerous other self destructive behaviors, addictions and psychological issues (OCD- severe Anxiety). But I now realize how much porn does play a part in the whole scheme of things. I indulge in P for the same reasons I excessively use alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and over-eat. It’s all short term gratification, but the highs never last. I always want more and more to compensate for how crappy I feel about myself. In the end, P and these other habits-addictions have only made things 10 times worse for me. Unfortunately, P addiction is not as easy to talk to about and still heavily stigmatized in society. I think this is why I feel so helpless when it comes to my PA. I just wish that people would recognize how debilitating this addiction can be. It can totally consume your life just as alcohol and drugs can.

I realize that porn isn’t a problem for everyone who views it, just as alcohol isn’t for everyone who drinks. But it just isn’t working for me like it used to. It has become “Old Magic” to an addictive personality such as myself. I now realize that it’s memories and experiences in life that last and fulfill us, and not MB to digital images of people we‘ll never meet. I want to focus on building my confidence, and working towards a lasting relationship with a real person. Right now, this seems unimaginable, but it’s is my only choice as I think I’ve finally hit rock bottom. I'm just not sure how to go about doing all this? Porn has become such a huge part of my everyday life now.

[JenMac]

Hi MoveForward!
Welcome to TTF! I think it is a good sign that you are recognizing the harm that P is doing in your life! You have come here of your own doing and that really says something M!
You will have a long hard journey but you will learn much from being here! You will gain a support network which will be so important to you in your recovery!
Check out the many tools and resources here, read up on others' stories. I invite you to start a journal in the recovery journal section. That will help you to sort your thoughts and feelings and to get the support from others that is so helpful. If you haven't installed a filter on your computer yet, I would encourage you to do so. That has helped many who are here.
Visit often M! TTF can be a lifeline in times of struggles and there is nothing like having people who walk the same path there to support you!
All the best!
Jenn
SO/Mod

[IN NEED OF HELP]

MoveForward

Welcome my friend, to TTF. I want to say that I really enjoyed reading your post. It was to the point, But mostly, it was from your HEART. You have come to the best place to start your journey to make yourself a new life without Porn in it. As Jen stated,this is going to be a long road. over coming this addiction, is not easy, But yes it can be done. Everyone here at TTF, understand the struggle that you are going thru. We are all here for the same reason that you are here, That is to get help. Of course, no one here can cure you of this nasty, life ruining addiction. That is something that you need to work on. But all of us can give you the much needed Support and Encouragement, that WE all need to rid ourself from this problem. You are not here alone by any means.

The first thing that you need to do, is to work on YOU. There are many changes that we need to make in our life, so we can free ourself from this. We need to figure out what our triggers are, what our weaknesses are, We need to have a whole new way of thinking, in our everyday dealings with life. One thing about this addiction, that is so different from many others, is that it is always in front of us. If a person has a problem with drinking, they can alway stay away from places that people are drinking, and with drugs, they dont go where drugs are. But being an PA, everywhere that we go, we need to be on guard. Porn is sneaky, and that is what it loves to do, SNEAK up on us. all it takes for PA'S is a TV show, a picture in a magazine, A bill board sign, or a beautiful woman walking down the street. Any of these things, can act as a trigger, and set us off in the wrong direction. So we really need to protect ourself, everyday, all day lone. But if we do these things to protect us, all we are going to get out of it, is a much better life, A life of No Porn.

Stop all of that wasted time, that you admitted to using, and start using that same amount of time, to better yourself. Lets face it, We were lusting over women, that if they met us on the street, they would turn their heads at us and have nothing to do with us. Another thing, all theses women we look at, and we dream of having in our life, because we say they are PERFECT, we wouldn't say that if we saw them before someone spent countless of hours using computer SOFTWARE, to make them look so perfect. So us men are only fooling ourself with that crap.

So my friend, start working on YOU, start making whatever changes that you need to make, so you can have a better, cleaner life. A life without Porn. You will feel so much better once you do.

I am 54 years old, And I have about 30 years of regular porn use built up in my mind, and that was 30 wasted years. And I am no expert on this, I am just putting into words, how I feel. I also am new here at TTF. I only have 63 complete days of porn free life, But I can tell you this much, I have never felt this great about my life. One day without porn, is a great feeling. So jump on this long bumpy road, that gets easier as you travel it. Though we may never see the end of that road, I will guarantee that in time, It gets so much smother to travel on.

Good luck my friend on this journey. We are here to Support you the best we can

[2frustrated]

My heart goes out to you. You described the internet p experience to a T. I doubt there is any PA on this site who cannot relate.

I want to reinforce what INoH said: you need to do this for you. This is about transforming yourself. Finding out who you really are. Finding out what it is about yourself that you fear facing and so instead resort to p. Doing this for the [even secondary] purpose of finding a mate is counterintuitive. "Seek ye first . . ." and the rest shall be added unto you.

[MoveForward]

Thank you all very much for your kind words of support and encouragement. It means a lot. It’s time to make some major changes in my life. Breaking my addiction to internet P is going to be a tough battle, but it’s one that I have to win. Thanks again, M.F.