hello everyone

[pixiedust]

I never imagined that this would be something I would end up doing but I have reached a point of impasse....It is almost my birthday and I am terrified I will be presented with an engagement ring and proposal and will say yes even though I know my bf and his PA will effect our future greatly...I have always prided myself on fighting until I couldn't anymore and not giving up....if he truly has an addiction I don't want to run out on him and give up but...it is eating me from the inside out....and I'm not really sure what to do..no body wants to assume....

[Cupcakemomma]

Welcome to TTF, Pixie. I hope you find some help to ease your mind here, and to help yourself manage all the things you must be feeling right now.
Take care :)

[pixiedust]

I hope so too...I am feeling soooo many things...also, I have been seeing mention of journals and I wanted to know how to start one...

[Borrowed Hope]

I never imagined that this would be something I would end up doing but I have reached a point of impasse....It is almost my birthday and I am terrified I will be presented with an engagement ring and proposal and will say yes even though I know my bf and his PA will effect our future greatly...I have always prided myself on fighting until I couldn't anymore and not giving up....if he truly has an addiction I don't want to run out on him and give up but...it is eating me from the inside out....and I'm not really sure what to do..no body wants to assume....

I think it might be time to comfront the addiction head on. Be honest about your feelings.

It isn't hard to assume on that situation. I know that it makes women feel like they're inadequate, unattractive and so on. It isn't a comfortable feeling. Although I'm a man who's recovering, I've read the journals, and have had personal friends talk to me about porn and their boyfriend/husbands.

Every marriage needs communication. It starts before the rings are present.

Hope this helps!
Borrowed Hope

[JenMac]

HI Pixiedust!
Welcome to TTF! You have come to a great place to share your troubles!
You can start a journal in the SO journal section just by starting a new thread which will be your journal. Name it what you like. People will respond to you there and you can get your thoughts and feelings out which I know you will find tremendously helpful!
All the best PD!
Looking forward to hearing more from you!
Jenn

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

Greetings pixiedust. I am a RA (recovering addict). Me & my SO have found this site to be a GODSEND for us & I pray it will help you just as much. Everybody here is very friendly & understanding as you have seen from the others who have posted here. You will not be judged by anyone, for we're all here for the same reason. I'm sorry for the pain your going through, but if you have to be some place like this. This is the best one to be at. Again welcome to the family. God bless.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

pixiedust

Welcome to TTF. You will find so much support from the other SO's here. They will help you get through this the best that they can.

I am so sorry that you are a victim to this sick addiction. I hope that your BF. will come on here to get the support that he needs also. It will help the both of you if he dose.

I hate seeing another woman in pain. I know that I hurt my SO so bad because of my actions.

I wish the best for you pixiedust. And may GOD bless you.

[RichBlack]

Hi Pixie. I know this is a naive point of view, but my gut tells me to tell you that you need to come at this from a place of how you feel about your boyfriend. I get the sense that you love him alot. I think you need to talk to him about it. Obviously don't prevent him from surprising you with an engagement ring if that is his plan, but be prepared to talk with him about his recovery. So, that is my advice. Don't throw away a chance of happiness with him. Here is what I think you should do. When he asks to marry you, think about your feelings for him and answer from that. But then, sit down and talk to him about recovery as a condition for a future with you. I know that is a very weird concept, conditions for a future relationship. But that is exactly what you need. You need him to be loyal to you, which includes not cheating by using porn. Which is cheating by the way. Something that significant other's like yourself tend to understand immediately, but recovering addict's like myself take much longer. Tell him how his acting out/cheating makes you feel. Bring up options like k9, which you can download on his computer for free, set up the blocking software, and choose the password yourself, so that you know he has no way of turning it off. I have heard that Covenant Eyes is also a good program, although it doesn't block, only tells you what your partner has done on the computer. I wish you the best, and sincerely hope that your boyfriend makes the right decision, to choose you and throw away his addiction forever.

Rich

[RichBlack]

K9 Web Protection - Free Internet Filter and Parental Control Software | Free Internet Filtering and Parental Controls Software <--- Link to k9 if you are interested.

Rich

[pixiedust]

That's just it...I DO love him and I know that I do because I wouldn't feel this way about his habits I don't think if I didn't. I know that my own personal weakest link here IS communication...I feel like I already made it ok by just complaining about one certain aspect of his problem and that I can't retreat and complain about all of the pictures too...I also sort of feel like I have to give him something so he is not tempted to cheat with a tangible woman. This is hard for me because I have never been one to tell someone they couldn't do something or to nag or impose lots of rules..I just want him to WANT to assess how much he distracts himself from me and by B's.