Hello from new SO

[Hibiscus]

Hello everyone. :-h

I've been reading the site since November, so oddly enough, I feel like I know some of you already. You have all formed an incredible community here and I look forward to being a member.

I will try to gather my thoughts and start a journal in the next few days. But the crib notes version is: wife of PA, together for over 20 years, one daughter, dealing with this issue to a certain degree since the beginning, but things really escalated when the internet entered our lives. He is not blatant about it, but like many others, we bounce from one big, whopping d-day to the next. Sometimes it's months, sometimes it's years. But each discovery shatters my heart more than the last time. =((

Last discovery was in November and somehow had a different effect on each of us. Our responses have been unique to our previous blowouts over this ongoing issue. I'm hoping that is a positive sign and that we are finally both on the same page at the same time in our effort.

Special thank you to Crisodian for helping me with my registration after a technical snafu! >:D<

[Charly22]

Your story appears to be an exact duplicate of mine (minus the one year old daughter, a true blessing you have). I hope the same, for the positive to grow and finally be on the same page. Welcome!

[Crisodian]

Hibiscus,
An "offical" welcome to TTF :) I am glad you were able to get signed in and post.

If you have been reading for a while, you know I am the SO of a PA who has been in recovery since September 2009. And you also know, by now, that you will find a great, supportive, caring and healing group of SOs here who walk the path towads healing together. :)

I'm glad you found us. Welcome again.

Find a path to peace,
~C~

[Hibiscus]

Charly -

Oh, I meant one child, not a one year old. Mine is a teen - still a blessing, though more challenging then when she was age one. She's a good kid, but they all make you want to ~X( on occasion, lol.

Thank you for the welcome and good wishes. It stinks to need to be here, but it feels good to be among people who understand. I definitely need to read your entire thread in the journals section. Sounds like we must have a lot in common, so you are in my thoughts.

[Cupcakemomma]

Welcome! So glad you decided to join us :) >:D<

[Hibiscus]

Crisodian -

Thank you so much, for the help and the welcome!

I suspect this site has already made the difference in the way my DH and I are handling this latest discovery. I know that what I have read and learned here thus far has enabled me to express myself differently to him. More emotion, but less attacking and allowing myself to truly express the hurt. Allowing myself to be vulnerable has not been easy. I tend to use anger and a verbal barrage as a defense. I think that has encouraged my DH to be more open to taking it all in and really understanding the effect this has had on him, our marriage, our family...everything.

Over 20 years of this and I'm just accepting that...talk about a slow learner. #-o

[Crisodian]

I'm glad you are finding benefit from what you are reading and learning about here already.

Communication is key. Another key is setting boundaries and what you will and wont accept from your H and his addiction. But above both of those, you are doing the number one best thing, which is seeking healing and support for yourself.

I think we all go through the phase, which I so eloquently call emotional vomit. We throw up emotions all over our H's. It's never pretty. It's learning from that and working towards better communication that helps both the SO and the addict progress.

I encourage you to start a journal and share your journey. I look forward to reading it. Mine can be found here.

Find peace,
~C~

[Hibiscus]

Thank you Cupcakemomma!

Now I'm off to get ready for "date night". Yet another aspect of our situation that feels different this time around, in a very positive way.

Wishing you all a great start to the weekend! \:D/

[rosie]

Hi gorgeous fragrant friend ;) lol

welcome to the nuthouse :)

look forward to reading your journey and standing alongside you on this bumpy but brilliant road of self discovery!

Bless you. X

[BeingThere]

Welcome. Sorry you have reason to be here. If you seek healing, you will find it I'm sure.

I have known several couples that got through this, a few of whom have wonderful relationships now. It is an effort on both parties.

Please don't take your DH's falls personally. They are not your failure. One of the most difficult things for PA's to communicate is that it's really they're problem, no yours. Sure, they will try to blame anything under the sun, including their SO, but they are the only ones that can take responsibility.

I truly hope there is change this time. I do know how difficult it is to believe. We want to believe so much and then it happens again. I do not know a single recovering PA that didn't have multiple slips or relapses. It takes courage for an SO to be willing to deal with that. But there comes a time when it truly is the last time. Months go by. Years go by. The relationship gets better and better ... or it ends, depending on underlying problems.

Wishing you peace along this difficult path.

-Mike