the name says it all

[rock bottom]

Hello. I have hit rock bottom folks.
My p addiction started 8 years ago. It started probably like many of you. I got my first computer and shortly thereafter I ran into one of the many free porn sites on the web. It was just amazing how easy it was to find and how much there was available! I would look through it a couple times a week and shortly therafter began to MB to it.
Over the next few years it turned into a daily thing, especially if I was single at the the time. About 5 years ago it started to effect my sexual performance in that I would sometimes be unable to get an erection with my gf. S he even walked in on me MBing at one point. After that relationship failed I fell into a deep depression and p began to really become a part of my daily life. I would surf the net downloading large amounts of porn and MB in a tranclike state. Afterward I would just feel more empty and depressed. That is when I found P2P. The beginning of the end.
2 years ago life brought my first gf back into my life after many many years. Life was looking up for the first time in a long time. When we deccided for her to move in I thought p would. Stop being a problem for me, and for a while it wasn't. But eventually P began calling to me. Soon I was back to p and MB 3 to 4 times a week and my sex life once began to suffer which just increased the need for more p. I found my self on a P2P site and my addiction began to escalate. Images that would have repulsed me before, and are illegal, were just a new thrill to MB to. Those images brought the police to my door. Wasn't arrested at the time as I am fully cooperating and the case is still being investigated
Rock bottom folks. The love of my life is leaving me and I have no idea what the future holds for me. I have finally turned and faced my addiction eye to eye.
As I sit and pray in anxiety, wondering how it got to this point, I began to read your stories. It actually gives me hope that I am not a freak, a waste of life.
I can't believe I have told this story to perfect strangers but I need take a step in the right direction. I have a feeling I am going to need all of you as I have very little support at this time. Thank you to those who have taken the time to read this and here is to a step in the right direction.

[mell]

RB,

Welcome to TTF!

Thanks for sharing in your post. You seem to have a true desire to get away from your addiction.

This is a great forum, I'd advise you to check out the articles section, read some of the recovery journals, and start your own. You will get much suport from the members here.

You are not a freak or a waste. You (all of us) are a good person who is addicted. It is your choice to seek recovery, or not. You are taking a step in the right direction, here among friends.

Best wishes to you, hope to hear more.

[rock bottom]

Thank you. I realize my situation is much more severe than most. I am the afterschool special of p addiction. Maybe some will read my post and it will give them an extra boost to stick to their recovery. I hung it all out their for all to see as that is the only way I can begin my personal recovery.

[Borrowed Hope]

Thank you. I realize my situation is much more severe than most. I am the afterschool special of p addiction. Maybe some will read my post and it will give them an extra boost to stick to their recovery. I hung it all out their for all to see as that is the only way I can begin my personal recovery.

The fact that you had the courage to come online and post your feelings/problem/addiction to strangers makes you strong. It does help others, and it helps others gain strength in telling things they're not too proud of in their lives.

As I've told you before, Keep your head up brother.

Thank you for telling your story!
Borrowed Hope

[rouby]

rock,

I want to add my support to you as you go through this very difficult acknowledgement of what this addiction has/is doing to your life.

I am a bit of a poster child for this addiction also- although my wife is still with me and I have 2 wonderful now grown up children , the fact is I have allowed this addiction to have free reign during the best years of my life.

The fact is that it does not have to be this way. I am here for the same reason you are- we need support.

I think people are our greatest resource, whether in real life or cyberlife. We just cannot do this alone.

Thank you for sharing your story and I hope to see you around these forums.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

rock

Welcome to TTF. I think that everyone here at one point have also hit ROCK BOTTOM, or we would not be here looking for help. In order for any of us to overcome our problem with this addiction, we have to realize that first off that we have a problem. And you have done that just by being here, telling all of us about it. You are not alone in this. Everyone of us here, has had many struggles with this. This addiction is not an easy thing to get rid of, because at any second of any day, we can be triggered to use Porn. It is very sneaky, and that is just what it will do to us, sneak up and attack. All of us here will do what we can to help you with this by means of Encouragement and Support. We can all fight this awful addiction together, before it has a chance to destroy us any more than it already has.

Good luck in you fight for a good recovery. NEVER stop coming here.

[rock bottom]

Thank you all for your support and words of encouragement. I means a great deal to me. I will be spending a lot of time on this forum. Those of you who are spiritual please keep me in your prayers to give me the strength to face what is ahead. Thank you all.

[Misty_77]

Welcome to TTF! I pray for God's will to be done in your life. It's good that you are recognizing this addiction for what it is. It's a life-destroying evil. It's sad that we often have to hit "rock bottom" before we turn to God, but hey...sometimes God has to let us get to that point so we only have one place to look- UP. Strengthen your relationship with God. Be strong and keep coming back here! You will have great support here from so many wonderful people.

[rosie]

Rock Bottom. One thing I want to say to you is this. YOU ARE NOT UNIQUE.

You might think that the material you have been exposed to or even sought out - is different and therefore your problem is unique. It is not true. All of this addiction stuff starts at the same point and is made from the same stuff. The only variables in the addictions between different people are what they end up looking at, and what they end up doing (physcially). Otherwise, it's all the same.

Your story is similar to my HB's, except the police part, but some of the stuff he was looking at was truly degrading and abhorrent. It wasn't "normal P". He has also been an addict for 20+ years.

Everyone here is struggling with the same sort of stuff, and I hope that you feel supported and feel strength on your journey with TTF.

xxx Take care.