Yet Another Transplant!

[TooSensitive]

Hello Everyone!

Brand new here, but not brand new to healing and recovery. I am also a transplant from NP Support, but I am an SO/Partner. I haven’t noticed any of the other partners here yet (been reading along the past few days to warm up to the transition), but I have seen some of the RAs here already. It’s inspiring to know there are some who refuse to give up the fight for themselves, finding new avenues, when the old ones are no longer available. Yes, we all hope that our other board is up and running again, but that remains to be seen. Regardless, it is good to expand one’s horizons and venture out into new territory. I’ve always firmly believed that everything happens for a reason. Change is hard, but change can be good.

I will eventually start a journal and post more of my story there, but in a nutshell, I’ve never stopped working on my healing and recovery for the past 3 years since that first d-day in Jan. 2008. My h has stopped, and currently, he is not doing any recovery work at all, of which I am aware. There would be no point in telling him about this site, other than to let him know how I spend part of my day - b/c he was never very interested in the other board. He has asked for my help at times in the past, yet when I’ve attempted to guide him in the right direction – b/c he himself asked for that – he has resisted or even rejected my ideas. I cannot control him and I cannot make him work his recovery. He either sees and feels the need for himself or he doesn’t. At some point we will have to work on “our” recovery, and if he hasn’t done all he should for his own, I realize it will get in the way. In the meantime, I just consistently work on myself, and do my best to have some kind of marriage, even if that isn’t all I’d like it to be. Despite his not currently being in recovery, he has made at least some progress, and our marriage has improved to some degree. But in many respects, we remain “stuck”. I want more, even if my h doesn’t.

Our past still continues to haunt me, but in much smaller ways, b/c I’ve been diligently working on myself and now feel far better than I did previous. As we all are, I too am a “work-in-progress”, and always will be, for the rest of my days. That isn’t said in a negative light – rather, it is said in a positive light, for none of us are ever finished growing as people. We may finish up with one area, but there is always another waiting around the corner that could use some improvement. In being human, it is not possible to ever reach a state of perfection in all things. Knowing this and accepting this about myself, as well as others, is what has allowed me inner peace at times.

I want to thank the other NP members who have suggested this board as an alternative. Otherwise, I was not sure where to turn. As a Partner, I can get along alone if I must, but it really makes a difference when you can be part of a warm and caring community, among others who share your struggles, your successes and strengths, and your journey. Most people out in the real world just don’t understand.

Sincerely,
Linda aka TS

[Crisodian]

TS,
A very warm welcome to TTF. I am the SO of a PA in recovery since 2009.

You will find lots of other SOs here in the Partner's Forum. Please feel free to start a journal there. Here, unlike NP, PAs and SOs share the site as a whole. We encourage cross visitation of forums.

Find peace,
~C~

[Charly22]

Welcome, glad you could join us!

I am a partner of a pa/sa as well. I've been on my own crazy emotional journey for the past few years myself. So, I understand where you are right now in your own journey. I hope you feel at home here, and we can be part of your healing journey.

[rosie]

Hey welcome from another SO :)

Lovely to have you here! What does RA mean by the way?

I am sorry to hear your husband has stopped. This must be hard for you - I guess, though, that working on yourself will be benefiting you in the long run regardless of what happens in the marriage.

I look forward to learning more about you and sharing in your journey.

Take care. xxx

[TooSensitive]

Thank you so much for all the welcomes! Rosie, RA means recovering addict. Over there, SA meant sex addict, but I don't know that there's any difference between an SA and a PA. For me, the 2 are interchangeable. In focusing on the positives, SA/PA implies for me that there has been no recovery achieved and that there hasn't even been any sincere recovery attempts. For me, RA implies a sincere and consistent effort to change and become a better person through one's recovery efforts. My h is still an SA, despite some progress and a now-defunct recovery attempt. He may be sober in some respects, but in essence he is really no different than a "dry drunk". There is so much missing from our relationship, I can't even begin to say. I can't see it getting any better without a professional's help and alot of hard work on my h's part. Sometimes I think he wants the end result, without having to do all the work in between. He hasn't been able to fully face himself yet, and he's even stopped trying to do that, as if those parts of himself never existed to begin with. Yet they are still very real to me.

[JenMac]

Hi TS!
Just a quick pop in to welcome you warmly to TTF! I am glad you are here! I am another SO here and I have been here for about 9 months! You will find an active group of wonderful SOs here who are very encouraging and supportive!
I hope to have a chance to get to know you more in the coming days!
All the best TS!
Warmly,
Jenn

[RichBlack]

Hey Toosensitive. Nice to see you here. I just had a thought that I am somewhat guilty about. I was thinking that maybe the moderators should just move everyone on NPSupport over here!:) Since everyone is moving over here anyway. Kind of disloyal thought though :| I will keep checking NP, to see how it is doing and to check in with people. But I am loving this website though!!! :D I am sure you will too!

Rich

[TooSensitive]

Thank you, Jenn, for your warm welcome! Hey, Rich, it is good to see you here and some of the others too. Yes, I am liking it here. It's good to make new friends along the path toward recovery. I know there is at least one partner, or "ex-partner", I should say, that will not move anywhere else, and will abandon the whole concept of this type of board, if NP isn't running. But she and I are in different places and have different situations we're dealing with. I haven't seen any of the other partners here yet, but that's okay, I have to do what works for me regardless.

[dagaz]

Hi TooSensitive, glad you've found a new home here as well. Hopefully other SOs from npsupport will follow your lead.

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

Hello TS. Sorry that your site is not up running, but were glad you found you way here to continue your healing & recovery. I'm what you would consider an RA, my SO is on here as well & I'm sure you will get to know here soon. You'll also find some of the wisest group of SO's here, like JenMac, rosie, & Charly22, whom who have posted here already. There are many more to help you & I hope you'll learn to love it here as much as me & my SO do. Again welcome to the family.