Introduction/Salutations To All

[Borrowed Hope]

I'm an addict. Those were the words I never thought I would ever say. I'd judge those with drug problems, and I'd slander them for their misuse of their body. P, the ugliness in it, the misuse of myself, my soul, my body, the destruction the so called "actors/actresses" are succub to, the destruction it causes a young mind....

I saw my first P flick at the age of 4, scrambled cable channel. Later that year, a friend showed me her "daddy's stash". I can still see the images...it's horrible. At a friends house, he had stolen cable, and yes you guessed it, all the adult channels in his bedroom....Yes, I know what you're going to think, "A childs bedroom?!" I tell you no lie friends. I come from the days where P was in magazine form on the streets, in boxes. At any given time in the big city I'm from, you'd get several hundred on garbage day. P didn't take away my ability to become the man I am, but it hindered my sexual life.

Fast forward to about a month ago...
I tried to quit, went three weeks. Depression made me worse than I ever was (BTW, I'm married, a wonderful woman for 6 years). One night after misusing my body (MB) and it hurt, I decided to google "porn addiction" to see if that's what I had. The results were disguisting. All of a sudden I became those drug users, helping an industry take advantage of women/men and whatever else that industry destroys. I came to my wife and confessed my P addiction and that I desperately need help. She's inspired me to keep clean (27 days) and here I am. I came here last night because my craving was ridiculous. It caused me to become incredibly helpless towards P, that I needed it and it would cure what I had, Loneliness at the moment I was alone, everyone was asleep. I'm here to offer support to everyone here, we're brave enough to take a stand be it due to religious beliefs, moral choice, or self respect to go against P. I love you all for that, and I'm trying to gain my self love again. I've turned to religion, I've turned to my wife for support, and I turn to you all anyone who's willing to help me recover. I am here for you equally, not because it's a religious duty, but because I love human beings. The name came from a song I was listening to when I registered :) I welcome you all into my heart, and hope I can be an inspiration to you all as you will be to me. Thank you for your testimonials, and for helping me through this. My wife Thanks you as well.

-JB

[JenMac]

Welcome to TTF BH! You are in a good place!
I know you will find this to be a warm and welcoming place! I also know that you will find much support and wisdom here from others who share your struggles!
There are many here who have experienced what you are going through and who have moved on to a better place! I think it is awesome that you have recognized your problem and that you have admitted it to your wife. Awareness, Acceptance, Action. You are at the action stage BH! So you have made progress already!
BH, I am an SO here and I have been here for 9 months along with my H mac. We have found so much support here and that support has been a Godsend to us as we have worked our way through this difficult time in our lives. Not sure if you have considered it but this could be a good healing place for your wife as well. She would benefit from the support of thewonderful group of SOs who are here.
Read and learn BH!
I encourage you to start a journal in the recovering journal section!
Let the healing begin!
All the best!
Jenn

[Borrowed Hope]

JenMac,

I would like to start with the following: Thank you so very much for your words :) I can tell you have a sincere approach :) Being around wonderful people really does make a difference. I often get weird stares when I tell people I don't watch P and I don't care to. That's just something I have to get used to, since its sold as "The IT thing to do".

Again, thank you very much for your kind words and will start my journal today :)

BH

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Borrowed Hope
Welcome my friend to TTF. It sounds like you took your first steps to rid yourself of Porn. you will see that you will get much support here,from all of us that also are addicted to this awful problem. I also am very new here, with 44 days free. it is amazing how much better we feel when we have cleared our heads form P. Upon discovery of my porn use, it almost destroyed my relationship with the woman of my life. I hurt her so bad with this addiction. All my things where thrown into the tiny little extra room we have here, with no dresser to put my things. everything was in bags, and i had to step over them each night. I was told to find place to live, and to just leave her alone until i left. Never did i really think i had a problem, let alone being addicted to this. so i also did some research, and i found out that i did have a problem. I have over 30 years or so, with regular P watching, and my mind was full of nothing but bad thoughts.. while looking for a place to live, i was also looking where to get help, and i came upon TTF. What a Godsend it was to find this site. I also was looking local SAA meetings, and i started going to them. I was determined to fight this even without the help of my Lady. But i am so happy to say that she saw how sorry i am, and saw all i was doing to get myself help, that she decided to give me just one more chance. Now we are closer than we have been in a very long time.

Porn my friend is a everyday struggle. never get in a comfort zone with it. It can be very sneaky, and creep up on you at any given time. I am glad to see that you yourself want the help. None of us should do this just to make someone else happy. If we do not do it for US, we will never win this battle. I became a man i never want to be again. But i am making better changes in me each and every day. And you will see that you also will be a changed man.

Good luck in your recovery. Again, you are in the right place for support

Gerald

[rosie]

You sound awesome to me! Good luck and much love on your journey.

[Misty_77]

Welcome to TTF!!!

I think it's AWESOME that you realized this was a serious problem for you...all on your own. It's amazing that you have such a wonderful, supportive wife, too! I hope you come here often and share your journey with us. Each individual's recovery is unique and can be very helpful for the rest of us. You sound like you've already come a long way and I know you will find the comfort and support here that you need. Maybe your wife will even join? I know it has helped me, because most of us SO's have to go through a recovery process of our own. Stay positive and any time you feel tempted, LOG ON HERE! I've heard of so many of the PA's doing that exact thing and they say it helps. Can't wait to read your journal.

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

You could not find a better place on the internet for support & understanding than here. My SO said it best. We all look forward to your recovery & sharing your story. Even though we all have the same addiction & pain, each story is different. I come here too when I get the "urge" to look at P. If you ever need strength or you think you can't go on. Turn to us & we be here to help in your time of weakness. If your religious, turn to GOD & pray. It has hepled me in my recent troubled times. Now that you are here, you are family. I will pray for your recovery & for you to have peace in your life. PM me if you feel the need to talk. I will answer as soon as I can. Again welcome to the family.:D

[Borrowed Hope]

I'm completely overwhelmed. I know I seem like a thankaholic, but I thank those where thanks are definitely due. It's amazing how I can be called family, I'm an annonymus individual and yet I'm regarded as being home now.

I'm incredibly beside myself right now. Thank you all so very much.

I don't have to feel that shame and embarassment with P, and how horrid it would make me feel.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for the wonderful replies, and your loving words. I will talk to my SO to see if she can help me with this recovery.

I appreciate your help in willing to help her understand what's wrong with me.

BH

You're all wonderful.