pornoholic

[emilio]

Hello everybody,

First of all, I apologise for my use of the english language, which, even if it's not quite wrong, still lacks the naturality of native speakers and doesn't allow itself to be read as confortably as I would like it to be.

My name is Emilio, I'm 22 years old, I live in Colombia and I'm an university student. I started looking regularily at porn at the age of 14 just after my parents divorced. At that time, I decided to move along with my father to another country, and the solitude of my new life allowed me to look at porn much more easily than before.

I came back to my mom's a year after, and as I grew older, I gained increasingly more privacy, which was spent looking at porn and masturbating.

But I never, until recently, realise it was becoming an addiction. Many times did I masturbate while looking at porn, and then felt guilty and ashamed just after ejaculating. As if the ejaculation made Mr. Hide disappear (thank you, FoolishMind) and poor Dr. Jeckill be left alone with a noisy and grotesque porn video on the PC and *** spilled all over his t-shirt. (I'm sorry for being explicit, but that's me and, besides, I frankly don't think it's going to trigger anybody.)

Then came the Army. Crazily enough, the Colombian mandatory military service actually helped me, because I was so busy, that I had no time to waste watching porn. However, I did something worse, namely I had sex with prostitutes; those, nevertheless, are expensive, and I almost got raped by a group of transexuals once, so that addiction never really caught on.

After the army, my porn addiction came back, and I let it in, because I still ignored that porn could be addictive. (Now I know that almost everything can be.) One day, I think I was looking for some porn and somehow I ended up reading an excellent article about porn addiction. I would post the link here, but I couldn't find it anymore. Anyways, there I realised that I was addicted to porn, that I was a 'pornoholic', but still at that moment didn't I do anything to stop it, because I didn't feel it was a bad thing, even though I was aware that the simple fact of not being able to quit was enough to consider it a bad thing.

And then, finally, came the worst part of my addiction. I had to do a final essay for a course, and it was worth 40% of the grade. I had been so busy with other courses (I'm studying two different careers in two different universities) that I left this essay for the day before the submission deadline, and when I looked at it, I realised I had no idea how to do it.

So I told to myself that I wasn't going to sleep at all that night, so if I watched some porn before doing the essay, it wouldn't change a thing. I also told myself that a little porn without masturbating would do nothing but wake me up (stupid ad hoc excuses!). The fact is that I used porn until 2 or 3 AM, and then, after ejaculating, I decided that I was too tired to do anything.

At the end, that 40% ended up being a zero.

And so I started worrying. Instead of watching porn, I spent a lot of time reading about porn addiction, and I found this site. At first, it was unbelievable that this kind of site would even exist. At least in Colombia, porn addiction is something nobody's ever heard of.

So, in new year's eve, I told my mom and my sister that I had two purposes for this year: to lose weight and to stop watching porn. They thought I was making a joke, but they realised I was serious when I told them that I was a porn addict.

Telling my family about this was a huge step. Writing all this has just been another huge step. Thank you all, members of this beautiful community.


Emilio

[rosie]

Welcome, you are inspiring. Being so young and so aware of the dangers of P and wanting to make life changes... Bravo to you!

I hope you get the support, knowledge, and widsom here :) TTF rocks!

xx

[mell]

Hi Emilio and welcome to TTF!

You have made a huge step, admitting the problem and then seeking help. Telling your family took a lot of courage. It is important to have someone you can talk to about this and you are doing that.

Keep it going, looking forward to hearing more from you. This is a great forum. You will recieve support with no judgement.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Emilio Welcome to TTF

what a big first step in getting help with you recovery. it is so wonderful that you are doing this at a young age. The older you get, and the longer you allow P to be in your life, the harder it s to rid yourself from it. Also as you get older, you will not have all those sick, dirty thoughts in your mind. hope to see you here, getting the help you need. Even thou it is up to only you with how far you go in to your recovery, all of here are here to help and support you the best we can

Good luck in your recovery. I will be looking for you

take care

[NewHope10]

Welcome to TTF! I'm happy you found it. This is such a great community of support and encouragement - and knowing you are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. I imagine it must not have been easy - but it was a great first step (that - and joining TTF)!

Wishing you peace on your journey of recovery...

[emilio]

Thank you Rosie, Mell, In Need of Help, NeedHope and JenMac, it feels just great to be warmly recieved by you guys.

This is the article I was talking about, but beware! This could be triggering:

w w w.cracked.com/article_15725_the-10-steps-to-porn-addiction-where-are-you.html

I hope to write more things soon.


Emilio

[emilio]

PS: fourteen days sober!

[Misty_77]

14 days!!! That's great! Keep up the great work. And keep coming here for support and to keep us updated.

[emilio]

Thank you, Misty, I feel like a child who didn't piss on his pants at night for once and his mom congratulates him for his big achievement.

But I already know the wise words from many people in this site:

"One step at a time".

No rushes: that is so true! Sometimes my youth makes me wanna leave at once this addiction thing... As if I could! Porn is an imaginary friend that I will have to take care of for the rest of my life. I don't see recovery as a matter of time.

But also my youth may help me get out easier, as In Need wisely stated yesterday. Thank you once more.

Emilio

[rosie]

Thank you, Misty, I feel like a child who didn't piss on his pants at night for once and his mom congratulates him for his big achievement.

@-)=)) hahaha, oh my sides!