new here, and so overwhelmed

[dylsmom]

Hello all,
Obviously, I am brand new here and so embarrassed to be. My h is an online sex addict and getting worse every day. We have been through real and online affairs, which of course in his mind are not cheating and me just snooping, etc. etc. It's all so embarrassing. He doesn't want help I don't think. I was going to confront him on New Years Day but I have been very sick with the flu and unable to handle most of this stuff.
My question is, has anyone that has gone through a divorce because of this, I wonder if copies of the emails and chats is enough? I know the "secret" email address he has, and can hack in and have been thinking of making copies but am concerned about legality.
Right now, the pain, humiliation and embarrassment is just too much to process.....

[RootedinGod]

Hi Dylsmom,

Do not be embarrassed, the group here has addicts and others all looking for help.

As to your question, thats a hard question to ask, I understand that you are looking for answers. But in any addiction, what may be resolved in one relationship may not be as easily attempted in another.

There are so many factors that gather into knowing where to head in any relationship, whether it be porn addiction or drug addiction the route one takes is often based in their own core values. Religion, Children , Martial status and years with a person can vary and how important the relationship is to both parties stems out from there.

Do people get divoced over another's addiction ?, I can say first hand it does happen. I have seen a people enter a recovery center and with in days the other files for divorce. Often a person will do this for several reasons.

I think joining here for support is a great step towards getting answers. Ia m sure you will meet many people going throught what you are now. The people here are very freindly and helpful.

I do hope that you find more answers.(*)


Paul
Rooted In God.

[JenMac]

Hi Dylsmom!
Welcome to TTF! I am sorry for what you are going through! It is a difficult, painful place you are in!
As for your questions, I can't answer them as to the legalities but I believe there is a case before the courts right now where the H hacked into his wife's accounts so it seems you should be careful.
I am an SO and have been on TTF for about 8 months now along with my H. We have found support and healing here. It is a wonderful place for you to be whether you stay with your H or choose to leave.
There is a lot of hurt, anger, embarrassment etc. etc. that comes with this discovery. It really can be so traumatic in our lives. I believe it is so often underestimated as to the damage this does to everyone involved. I think it is just starting to be discovered now.
I was advised early on to write a letter to my H outlining how this affected me. I found that to be quite helpful in our situation. Perhaps it is something you could try. Perhaps you have already come to a decision?
Anyway Dylsmom, you have come to a great place to receive support and encouragement, no matter how you choose to move forward because I believe we have recovery of our own to tend to, whether our Hs join us or not!
I am glad you are here!
Jenn

[rosie]

Hi and Welcome. You are not alone. >:D<

I am a wife of a Pa/Sa and am in the throws of divorce - maybe. I am not sure.

The best advice to give you is this. Do not make a decision now. You do not have to decide anything now. Your priority is YOU. Look after YOU, because God knows your husband isn't looking after you.

I have also gotten sick when having to confront things. There is scientific research on this - that emotional trauma can physically make you sick. I would not be surprised if your sickness on NYD was a result of the emotional trauma manifesting.

So, imagine your little son or daugther was sick and in need of nurture. What would you do for them? Would you make them chicken soup? Would you let them rest? Would you help build them up until they are in a place to make a decision? Whatever you would do, do for yourself right now. You need taking care of.

As for the legalities. If I were you, I would keep a copy of everything you have for your own future reasons. Put it in a safe or somewhere safe, just in case you need it. Remember, YOU NEED TO LOOK AFTER YOU now. HIM last.

Take a look through the other SO journals. You are not alone. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Take care of you.

Big hugs!

[NewHope10]

Right now, the pain, humiliation and embarrassment is just too much to process.....

Hi Dylsmom...and welcome to TTF.

I know the feelings you mention above. I also felt like a fool. I ended one marriage because of his online dating...to go into another marriage with a PA (including online dating).

It is a lot to process. I hope that when you are feeling better that you gain the strength and courage to confront. I really know how difficult this is. The first few times I confronted my H...it took a while. I was so nervous and fearful. This last discovery - took me all of an hour to confront as I just couldn't take it anymore. This was my bottom.

I truly hope that it will open your H's eyes when you do.

Just know...you are not alone. We know...and understand. Keep coming back - as you will receive support and encouragement! We are here for you!