2011 has started with a real big step...

[need2change]

Hi everyone...

First of all, can I just say how glad I am that I've found this site. I've spent a few hours reaing lots of posts and reading a lot of stories similar to my own...

I'm a 38 year old man, married with 2 children, and now believe I am a PA and possibly MB addict.

I woke up on new yars day yesterday with the feeling that I just really needed to stop looking at P. So, this is day 2 of my cold turkey.

I've been in to P since I was probably about 15 years old. Back then I would go to the newsagents and buy 2 or 3 or even more P mags at a time before spending hours pouting over them. Before that I remember MB to images in magazines that I could find - as well as catalogues.

Once the internet came along that was it. I had a whole world open to me to staisf my particular fetish. The buzz of finding a woman with a site that met what I fancied for that day was just amazing. Now I realise though just how bad it's got. Not only from a financial aspect, but also what it's doing to my family life.I look foward to the time the wife says she'll take the kids out so I can MB for hours on end - but with no real sense of satisfaction at the end of it.

I've tried to stop on many occasions. But only really half heartedly. I'd say to myself that I'd stop joining sites and not spend any more money - but that would only work for may be a week or two.

So, after reading stories on here yesterday I deleted over 125 Gig of P from my laptop. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. "How can I get rid of that folder? I love that set!". "What if I start thinking about that fetish agan... I need that folder", etc, etc. But after a few minutes of hovering over the button I finally hit the delete. It didn't help that there were at least 3 times the message popped up of 'are you sure'!!!


So - here I am on my second day of no P and no MB. I hope to find more inspiration and guidance and support here - and am also looking to help others too.

I will set up a journal here - but in the meantime have set up a twitter account so I can post there whenever I need to when away from my laptop.

My twitter username is @StoppingPA

Thanks for now,
M

[rosie]

Hi and welcome.

Sorry don't have much to say right now but just wanted to make sure you were welcomed by someone!

I wish you every success on your journey.

[need2change]

That's really nice of you - thanks Rosie.

[mell]

Need2,

Welcome to TTF! I am a PA.

You have come to a good place. You will find support here. I would advise you to start a journal in the recovery journals section and post in it regularly. You will get good feedback from the members here.

Wishing you the best.

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

Welcome to TTF. I think you'll find the help & support you need here. Everyone I've met here so far has been great. Hope you'll keep coming back.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Welcome to TTF

The only thing that you will get from this site, LOVE, SUPPORT, AND RESPECT. You have come to the right place. I wish you the best of luck here in your recovery. And i will say the good thing that you done was to delete all that crap from the computer. it was the hardest thing i had to do. but now i have an extra 300 gigs on my hard drive

good luck

Gerald

[RootedinGod]

Hi Need2,

Welcome, I too am very new, but you know what? It's two days towards the beginning of getting your life back.


I read your post and if it helps I deleted 2.5 Terabytes and about 7 years of my collection ( if you want to call it that, I guess I call it a ball and chain now).

But it's just stuff, I keep reminding myself how many hours of my life I wasted to get that collection, and it never improved my life or gave me peace. All it did was make me feel bad and guilty and wonder why I wasted so much time, and then I would go back anyways.

Life also passed me by why I stayed stagnant.

But Today is another day I can look to ending this forever.

Nice to see you !