TODAY is the DAY

[Corianton]

I believe there will never be a better day to break free from pornography than today. As they say, Hell is full of people who had good intentions but failed to ''act''. Knowing is not enough. We must act. I know pornography is bad. It is time to act. I will stop watching this garbage today.

I am 27 years old. I watched a few magazines at a very early age. However, it is really when Internet arrived home that I started watching porn on a regulary basis. I was about 15 years old. Total, I have been watching porn for about 12 years.
First it was soft porn. Than, I needed more to stimulate my brain so I moved to harcore porn and some other ''weird stuff''. When I was 21 years old, I was able to stop watching porn for 6 months. Then, I developped an obsessive compulsive behavior. I won't go too much into details because there would be too much to write about here. I will just say that it brought a lot of stress into my life. This is when I slipped again. I had to find a ''stress relief'', and I chose my drug of choice, porn.

Today, I must admit, I became a pervert. It is like if I had 2 personalities. One is clean and sees women as daughters of God. The other is dirty and sees women as sexual object.

I have tried many times in the past to conquer my addiction. Unfortunately, like many others, I have failed. I realized I will never succeed only by myself. I need the support of ''people''. However, there is no way I will share my ugly side to my family and friends. This is why I believe this site is exactly what I was looking for.

I know it will be a hard battle. It took me 12 years to form that habit. It will take me several years to get rid of it. I will have to replace that habit with good ones. I think the most important would be to improve my human relations. I think lack of love is at the root of all addiction. It is time to give more love in order to receive more of it.

I know that with your support, your example, my strong motivation to succeed, my past experiences of failure, and with the help of God, I will prevail.

Thank you everybody for your example.

[JenMac]

Hi Coriantion!
What a great first post! You made many important points that show your mindset is in the right place to begin your journey!
Welcome to TTF! You have come to the absolute best place to find hope, support, encouragement and knowledge! There are many here who will support you as you move along on this path.
Listen and learn! Seek support from others here! They know what you are experiencing!
I am an SO here along with my H, and we have been here for about 8 months. We have found such strength from being here! I hope you will feel the same way!
I encourage you to start a journal in the recovery journal thread to put your thoughts and strategies down on 'paper'. There is much to be gained by journalling. In organizing your thoughts, developing a gameplan, you will make a plan for yourself to deal with the hardships of your journey.
All the best JC!
You have made the all important first step!
Jenn

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Corianton!

WELCOME to TTF

Your first post is wonderful. you have made the biggest step in getting your help from this sickness. THAT IS BY ADMITTING THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. You are now on your way to a better life, cleaner thought, and becoming a better man. There will be times that you may struggle with this, but with the determination that you have in your heart to fix this problem in your life, you can come out a winner. Everyone here on this site, knows what you are going thru, and knows the struggles you are going to have. But we are all here to help you and do what we can. Thou this site is one of great encouragement, and help, you may find that on your path to recovery, you may need more help. I have found that going to SAA meeting are a very big help in my recovery, and i am so glad that i have started going. but that will be up to you, if you feel that you need more help. For me i need them, but i have been addicted to porn, longer than you have been alive.

Again, i say welcome, and i wish you the best in your recovery. when you have time, read the post here on this site. rather they are new posts, or post from years ago, they will prove to be what you need to get this jump on your recovery

[Corianton]

I wanted to be honest with everybody on this site from the beginning. Thus, I will have to admit that I have been conquered again...I did watch gargage again...

Things were doing well. I had been porn free since the 1st of January. Then I told myself ''I am actually pretty good. It wasn't that hard after all''. But then came a rough time during which I really felt alone. It seems like porn was the only pain killer I could find. It actually does give a high for a moment. But like all of you know it too well, after the high comes a down. Now I am disapointed because I did not keep my commitment and I feel like a pervert again.

That being said, I must say that my desire to conquer this demon is stronger than ever. Reading your success stories, it gives hope that I can still be victorious. I don't think we came down on this earth to fail...I will prevail! Let's go back at war!

Love all you guys.

Corianton

[Phil413]

That being said, I must say that my desire to conquer this demon is stronger than ever. Reading your success stories, it gives hope that I can still be victorious. I don't think we came down on this earth to fail...I will prevail! Let's go back at war!

Good attitude! I hope you'll continue to write in your journal every day. I've found that the accountability it brings makes it much easier to stay sober.

Phil

[rosie]

Welcome, I think the fact that you came here qualifies you as being uber-awesome. ^:)^

[IN NEED OF HELP]

[QUOTE=Corianton;52508]
Things were doing well. I had been porn free since the 1st of January. Then I told myself ''I am actually pretty good. It wasn't that hard after all''. But then came a rough time during which I really felt alone. It seems like porn was the only pain killer I could find. It actually does give a high for a moment. But like all of you know it too well, after the high comes a down. Now I am disapointed because I did not keep my commitment and I feel like a pervert again/QUOTE]

Being honest is the best thing to be able to beat this thing. One thing that I find I cant do is, Even thou, I may feel so great about the days that I am free of it, I can never allow myself to be in a Comfort zone. Porn will kick us in the rear, at any given time. So we need to always have our shield up to fight it off. It will hit us at any point that we are feeling low. When we slip, we need not beat ourself up over it. We need to pick up our defenses and continue to battle this demon. We will beat this thing.

Good luck to you

[Misty-Eyed Matthew]

Corianton, you have come to the right place for your healing & recovery. I have been here a little over a month & have taken great strides in beating this addiction with the help of everyone on here at TTF. I read that your serious about getting rid of this garbage in your life. I applaud you for making this decision. You will get all kinds of support from the great members here. They will not judge you here, only offer encouragement & support. I hope you will start a journal & share your story. By being here, you have taken a step into a much larger world. Again welcome to the family.

[Corianton]

When I joined this site I promised to be honest. Here is my confession: I have fallen once more.

I think I didn't DESIRE it enough...This time, I have a ''burning" desire. The 23rd of February will be a day to remember for me. It will be the anniversary of my freedom of porn.

I will start a journal and will share my progress with you guys along the way. Sharing is key in my rehab.

I may have lost another battle, but the war is not over yet.

[CurseTheBeast]

I don't think that there was ever any war that every battle was won. Don't want to start giving advice because I don't know enough about you yet. Thats where a journal will help you (most importantly) and us as well.

Lean on us to gain confidence. Since I'm a relatively newbi here, I like posting to the "low" reply posts. I know how I ached after a few initial posts longing for someone, anyone to reply. And they finally did.

Pick yourself back up and remember to "Curse The Beast"