New Member Here

[RealiseMyPotential]

Hi There

Well I discovered this site yesterday and can't say how great it is to finally find a forum that deals specifically with this PA issue. It was heartening to read so many stories that were similar to mine and to realise that there are so many of you that have been through (and are going through) what I have been experiencing for so many years.

I'm relieved and excited at the thought of being able to finally openly and honestly discuss this issue, my feelings and the effects it has had on me with people who understand and who aren't going to judge me as some sort of creepy pervert.

Funnily, it was after a couple of hours wasted in front of the computer yesterday morning, I was home sick and had a list of things I'd wanted to do (read, watch a movie, hang out with my daughter who was also sick at home etc.), I came out of my P induced stupor and realised I'd already wasted 2 and half hours of my day... again!

Lately I'd been getting back into quite a heavy P use cycle (around 3 to 4 hours a day) and I had been thinking about all the time that I wasted on P and the opportunity cost/lost of all that time and how much I could achieve with that time if spent more productively... the time I could spend realising my potential!

I'm a pretty intelligent guy, good humoured (I think) have lots of friends, have a wonderful family, great job/business, have some hobbies etc. It all seems perfect from the outside but it isn't. I know it isn't. I know I could be doing so much more. Achieving so much more. I don't like the weak, pathetic, duplicitous person that I have become (but hide very well from everyone else) as a result of my addiction to P.

I'm want to walk with my head held high, comfortable in myself. Not wondering what every person I know now, or meet, would think if they knew I had Gigs of P on my PC and I spent hours upon hours hunched over gazing at a monitor while MB till 3am.

So here I am. Clean for about 36 hours. I've deleted every skerrick of P on my pc. I added a net filter. I've joined this forum. I feel different than I have when I have gotten rid of or deleted P before. In the past, I kind of knew I'd get back to it at some point. I'd usually do it after a confrontation with my SO. Don't get me wrong, I'd have the best of intentions and I knew it was the best thing and something I needed to do, but there wasn't the resolve that I'm feeling now. Somehow its different.

I have a plan (sort of). I actually sat down and wrote a list of all the things I could do in the time that I normally would spend looking at P. The list is loooooong!! I intend to keep a journal.. as you can see I don't mind babbling. :D It's therepeutic. I liked the list of benefits to giving up P that I saw on another thread. They struck a real chord with me, as I'm sure it did for many others here.

And I intend to check back on this forum at least once a day to keep me focused.

Sorry for the long post... it's nice to be able to get some of this off my chest.

I look forward to meeting some of you and getting to know your story, which I"m sure will inspire me to keep going on this journey.

[mell]

Realise,

Welcome to TTF!

Looks like you are off to a great start! Geting rid of the stash, lookig for help, reading posts here. Good for you. Starting and posting in my journal every day has been a huge help to me. I have recieved tons of support, and some great feedback. The members here are awesome and are more than willing to help others.

I love your screen name, it applies to many of us here. I also hate to think about what I could be if I had not wasted so much of my life with P and SA. The other side is so much more rewarding!

Welcome and best wishes in your recovery.

[RealiseMyPotential]

Thanks Mell, thanks for your welcoming words.

Yeah I'm really actually looking forward to this journey. I'm not feeling at all overwhelmed or scared at the thought of it. It's only been two days though so I won't be getting ahead of myself.

You're right about what the PA has taken away in past though. So much time. It's the precious of all resources and I have wasted so much of it on P. That's where the inspiration for the nic came from... I was wondering how much of my true potential I could really achieve if I'd given myself the chance to use that time more constructively.

Anyway, thank you for your encouragement.

[2frustrated]

Glad you're here. Keep visiting this site no matter what happens. It is a real lifeline. It's clear that you'll not only get a lot of help from this site: you'll have a lot to contribute.

[sick&tired]

I highly recommend you commit to the daily journal. I have found it to be a great way to fill the time I would normally spend looking at p. If you get a second read The Mind of a Porn Addict under the article section. It really hits home!

I enjoyed reading your post - good luck - you can do this.

(I am 15 days clean - not all that long but more than twice as long as I've been in the past without the site and I have no intentions of going back)

[Bryan]

Welcome ReleaseMyPotential,

I agree with Mell, it's a great screen name and speaks to me in the way I feel about getting my life back.

Glad you are here and I liked your long-winded post. I too don't mind getting a bit blabby in my writing so I didn't mind at all. I really got a lot out of your description of the double-life. You have a job, a family, good friends, a life you value and are happy with... yet there's a secret side that exists in a different place that is in conflict with the life you've built for yourself. A you that you do not like, that you are not proud of, that you keep hidden in the dark. That's my story too. That's why it's so good to be at a place like this. We can read our stories in someone else's words and know that we're not alone, we're not unique, and we're able to come out of this on the other side. We just gotta keep working. It takes honesty, acceptance, determination, courage, and the ability to ask and seek help when we need it.

You're doing great already and I'm glad that you have such a strong plan in place. Keep coming back and posting and reading. You being here is one more person that reminds me that I am not alone, and that others know the struggles of this addiction, and that helps me feel better about me and work toward making myself a better man, husband, and father.

Welcome! Thanks for sharing.

Bryan