Two days sober

[Eric]

Two days and I feel like am missing something or that I forgot to do something. Cant sleep but I don't want to sit up all night cause then i will want to watch. I really don't want to hurt my wife any longer so I lay in bed starring at the fan. so far the first part of this BITES...

[JenMac]

HI Eric!
Welcome to TTF! I am glad you have found your way here!
I am an SO here and have been here for about 7 months, along with my H, Mac. This site has been a lifeline for both of us in our individual recoveries as well as the recovery of our relationship.
There are many wise and caring people here at TTF who have shared your journey and will only be too willing to offer support and encouragement to you as you begin your quest to become Pfree.
I invite you to begin a journal in the recovery journal section and write what you are comfortable sharing with us. I find it so theraputic to get my thoughts down on paper. It is a great way to organize my thinking and a way that allows me to release a lot of the thoughts that I am struggling with.
There are many here who have installed filters on their computers and find that to be very helpful.
You say that you don't want to hurt your wife any longer and that is good to hear. Are there other reasons why you want to fight this fight? Hopefully as you come to realize how this has harmed, not only your wife and your relationship, but also your physical and mental wellbeing, you will realize that this fight is for you firstly. Your relationship with your wife will only reap the benefits when you dedicate yourself to doing battle for you, to regain your sense of selfworth and right the damage caused by this soul sucking addiction.
If your wife is aware of your struggles, perhaps she would like to join us here. There are many wonderful SOs here who would offer support to her through this difficult time.
Read and learn and read some more!
Wishing you all the best Eric!
Keep coming back!
Jenn

[Eric]

As with some of the stores that I have read on this site so far, right at this moment I have reached a low point in our relationship and am worried about the decisions that my wife will make. I can only hope that they are to stick with me. Although she is aware that I am seeking help. She is unaware that I have joined this group. I am mainly doing this for me. Even if she is unable to stick with me I do not believe that using P is something that I am willing to continue.

[dave42]

Welcome, Eric. You are very wise: even if your wife leaves you, you need to stop porn for you. It's crucial for the rest of your life with her or without her. That is a basic, fundamental truth, and you seem to "get" it, so good for you.

[2frustrated]

It seems like you're going through something similar to Mell, who is on this site. You should check out "Mell's journal" and I think you'll see a lot of parallels.

[Eric]

I am going to start with a professional counselor for this next week I feel that I am going to need to work out some thing that have happened to me in my past as a child and as a teen. I don't know how common it is that what has happened is affecting me or if that is even the case. I find myself not wanting to talk to anyone and it has been everything i can do just to come back to this format. Talking to a live person is going to be hell.

[mell]

Keep coming back, Eric.

Yes, recovery can be hell, especially at first. But the rewards are so worth it. Glad to see you going to a counsellor. That is a good first step. Recovery is hard work. In most cases, it requires total change in our attitudes and actions.

The prize is a 'normal' life and the loss of the need to sneak, lie, and cheat.

[Eric]

I went to professional help, didnt get a whole lot out of the enormously expensive meeting other than you need to not do this and not do that.
All of which I already new.
I explained to the doc that I have kicked two other habits drinking and smoking and the doc basically said (GOOD, do that again).
So needless to say I could have spent that 50 dollar co-pay on getting my hobby going.

[dave42]

Hey, Eric:

Sorry to hear that the therapist visit was not so great. Have you considered going to Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)? Whatever happened to you as a child and teen is probably similar to stuff I hear guys talking about at SAA. It's free (2 dollar donation per meeting) and it's great to hear guys talk about similar problems.

Good luck!