Recharge

[Mac]

I only meant for you to tone your language down out of respect for your fellow PA's and especially our SO's
You are right, you weren't insulting anyone, Just a little disrespectful I felt.

[theotheri]

No disrepect intended brother. Love you and all my friends on this great forum. While I love and respect all the SO's as well, I sincerely believe that they need to in general be more supportive and understanding (and forgiving) of the guys here. The guys have the courage to come online and look for help with a problem. Stop beating them up!

[JenMac]

I sincerely believe that they need to in general be more supportive and understanding (and forgiving) of the guys here. The guys have the courage to come online and look for help with a problem. Stop beating them up!

Hi Theotheri!
As per your above quote, try to remember that the SOs here are struggling too! They are struggling with the pain and sorrow of discovering the betrayal of them by the most important person in their lives. They are trying desperately to heal from this all consuming nightmare while continuing to find it in their hearts to be supportive to the person they love. They grieve the loss of life as they knew it and have to come to terms with the fact that their relationship is not what they thought it was. It is a difficult journey for all of us. It is particularly difficult for the SOs. The PA will often move on and feel much better about themselves long before the SO is able to let go of all the hurt and grief that she is dealing with.
As you do not have an SO that you are sharing this information with, you may find it hard to clearly understand the devastation this can cause. We are all here at TTF to deal with this horrific addiction. Let's all try to be supportive of each other!
Jenn

[City Fool]

Hi Theotheri!
As per your above quote, try to remember that the SOs here are struggling too! They are struggling with the pain and sorrow of discovering the betrayal of them by the most important person in their lives.

Well written Jenn. In many other addictions it's not uncommon for both partners to share the addiction. Alcoholic couples, smoking couples, and so on. I have yet to see any SO on the site write how P was a mutual "hobby" where one member became an addict.
I may be wrong and I'm sure there are such couples who view P (Though I don't think that's true of anyone on TTF), however it would seem the SO's are blindsided when they discover their partner is a PA. It also seems that they (The SO) only find out by accident and usually after the addiction has gone on without their having a single clue, for years.
Rather than beating up on the PA, it's my take that the SO's are just dealing with shock, anger and betrayal and of course those feelings may elicit some harsh comments toward their partner and PA's in general.
We have a unique set up here on TTF. Like couples therapy without the detached input of a trained counselor.
The couples have to find their own way and some times it's a rough road.

We are all here at TTF to deal with this horrific addiction. Let's all try to be supportive of each other!
Jenn

The bottom line. This is not a political debate in congress, this is about real people with real problems and there is no central figure here sorting right from wrong, who's been naughty and who's been nice.
It's mutual support and understanding. Yes, it takes a certain amount of courage to seek out this site and open up one's dark secrets to strangers and in my case as with others, we made the decision on our own. Others because they were caught and this was a starting point to recovery.
For PA and SO alike the goal is the same. To put PA in the past regardless of how it has disrupted our lives.

CF

[HopefulsRock]

otherI, Jenn and Cityfool couldn't have explained it any better and I'm sure you understood it clearly it's just your denial standing in your way of ridding yourself of your nasty P and MB habit and as long as you continue to remain in your denial state and try to come on here and further your opinion that P is OK then I no longer care to read anything you have to say!!!

[Mac]

All I can say is WOW

[City Fool]

Hi Jen!

You sound like a really sweet girl. Can I ask you why you consider it a betrayal for a man to watch P? Have you ever thought of joining in? Would your husband want you to and would it interest you? All within controlled confines of course, while the kids are asleep, after a couple glasses of wine to take the edge off, etc.

I had to read this twice as I don't want to misunderstand the intent.
Reading the posts of the various SO's I get the feeling the last thing in the world they would care to do is join in on the very same thing that turned their world upside down.
If an SO did consider that viewing P with her SO an option to resloving their problem, why would they seek out this site in the first place?
And again, correct me if I'm wrong but is the basic concept of this site recovery from PA and zero tolerence of it's use regardless of who uses it and why?
Would an SO viewing P with an addict be akin to someone sharing a controlled amount of herion with a smack freak just to smooth things over?
I'm sure there was an honest question there but it borders on a taunt, in my opinion.

[TrueBlue]

I can only imagine that coming here and making posts like the ones you have made gives you some sort of entertainment. That seeing other people struggling both introspectively and with their SO's gives you a sense of superiority. There is no call to be crass, or blatantly disrespectful. From my understanding, the purpose of this site is to help people in their struggles against pornography, not advocate it.

I commend Jenn for not responding to your trolling, and Hopeful for seeing the lack of benefit in your denial (his word, I would have said delusion). Even Mac kindly pointed out that your terminology was disrespectful in a nice way.

I hope that you can read some of the true knowledge that can be found here and benefit from it, and if not that you could at least refrain from intentionally goading people. There are plenty of places on the internet where that would be considered welcome and entertaining, and I surely hope that this site does not become one of them.

[Daniel]

theotheri has been banned from Through The Flame due to his manifestly obvious disrespect and/or disregard of our collective mission.

I would like to commend our many excellent members who noticed theotheri's philosophy and made it known to us, which shortly resulted in his ban.

On behalf of the TTF Team,

Daniel