My First

[JDL]

Well here goes. First things first I have a P problem. For me it has become some sort of an outlet. Weather it is from my job or to just escape from reallity I'm not sure. I'm not the kind to share my feelings but I have to do something. My wife thought it was out of our lives but she came across some stuff on my phone. I have to stop or it is going to ruin my life.
The thing thats seems to be a mystery to me is how or why this started. I can't put a time or place to it. I had a normal childhood and girlfriends as a kid or teen. That is why I don't understand this. I love my wife and she is all I want sexually. For some reason I keep going back to P. Thoughts and advice would be great or links to other posts that might help.

[mell]

JDL,

Welcome to TTF!

Many of us here are P addicts. We know the consequences of our actions, yet we still do it. There are reasons, they may just be buried deep. You said you are not one for sharing feelings, does this include with your wife? If so, it may be connected.

There are many who have posted recovery strategies, triggers, etc. I would advise you to check out the recovery journals.

You will get honest support here, from PAs and SOs alike.

Keep coming back. My best wishes to your recovery.

-Mell

[JDL]

Thanks for the support. When say I'm not sharing feelings I mean I'm just not that kind of person. I have trouble sharing anything. So I'm guess I'm trying to change two things. First my PA and two my keeping everything inside. I hope to make some good friends here and make some big changes. Thanks.

[mell]

JDL,

I too struggle with feelings. I keep them bottled up until I need a release. That release is always into P. It's a terrible place to be.

IMO the first thing you need to do is address the P. Get a plan and stay focused on it. As you work your recovery from P, other things will come out. You can't fix everything at once.

Recovery is a day by day process. Always look at it that way and you will be off to a good start.

-Mell

[paulmor909]

Does there really have to be a reason to look at porn, or something in the childhood, or even somethingto do with feelings or emotions? Seems to me once you start doing it (me age 13), it becomes seductive and you want to get turned on again or feel the excitement. Even as a teen I had a dozen buddies and everyone of them would look at the pictures in those magazines, I would bet a lot of those guys become porn watchers as well. Seems to me the addiction is almost instant!

[mell]

Good point Paulmor,

No, there doesn't have to be a reason, but in most addiction cases there is. When we continue to use and hurt others or put ourselves at risk there is generally an (or many) underlying issues. Big difference between viewing for pleasure and being drawn to it out of an addiction.

-Mell

[City Fool]

Thanks for the support. When say I'm not sharing feelings I mean I'm just not that kind of person. I have trouble sharing anything. So I'm guess I'm trying to change two things. First my PA and two my keeping everything inside. I hope to make some good friends here and make some big changes. Thanks.

You're no different in those aspects than many of here and you're off to a good start.
You'll have as many good friends as you want or need. There has been no judgement that I've seen against anyone with a sincere desire to change.
As far as keeping things inside you, well, think of this site as an extension of you on the inside. Your thoughts are a safe as eggs here.
No one's going to laugh, mock or berate you and that may be better than you treat yourself.
Keep in mind there are SO's here who have had or still having a tough time and though they have their own struggle, they are generous enough to reach out to anyone here who shows commitment to change. It's kind of a win/win situation.
Just visit here often, make a plan, Communicate with others.

If your SO knows you have a problem, does she know you've come here for support? If so, does she know she can be here as well?
The more people you line up on your side, the better things will be.
No one promises a cure. There is no cure. There is control. And that's up to you. You have to do that by yourself but you don't have to do it alone.

CF

[jrock123]

congrat's on recognizing the need to stop porn. my advice is to make sure you eliminate as many hours of idle time as possible and get as busy as possible. These are keys to success. you also need an accountability partner (spouse, friend, support group) as I have yet to see someone be successful going this alone.

jrock

[JDL]

My wife is aware off this problem and she is the one that found this site. That is good advice to stay busy. My issue is I'm busy so I use P as an excuse to relax and escape from realality. My job is very busy and so is my home life. My wife is a full time mom and student and I'm a full time provider and dad of two boys (6 and 4). My wife and I have a great bedroom relationship but that doesn't seem to matter. I have been sober since joining this site and I seem to use this site to occupie my time on the computer. That has helped already. I'm a nuts and bolts kind of person and need a reason for everything or doesn't make since to me. So that is what I need to try and find to keep my sanity. I apperciate all the replys.

[JenMac]

Hi JDL,
The reason is your self respect and your ability to be a good all round person who is happy and active in his real life. The reason is your 2 small boys and your wife. The reason is because, from what I have learned about P since being thrust into this difficult position, is the degradation and abuse of women that internet P displays to the nth degree. Educate yourself about this industry and the true nature of what you are participating in. It is vile and disgusting! My H and I have done that exact thing over the last few months. It really opens your eyes to what is happening in this world and what PAs are supporting.
I am glad that you feel your connection here at TTF is helping already. This is truly a great place for you to be at this time. I know that others will support you and guide you as you move ahead. If your wife showed you this site, has she joined herself or would she consider joining. She would benefit greatly from the awesome support she would receive here as well.
Wishing you all the best JDL! I hope you find your reasons!
Jenn