My Struggle with PA

[zig28]

Hey everyone,

I recently discovered that I truly have a PA addiction. At first I dismissed it with excuses such as "many people my age watch it as much as I do" and other stuff. About a year ago I tried to stop watching it for my relationship, but failed on several tries. That relationship has just ended and now I find myself trying to reach out to people with the same problem I have. My pride wouldn't allow myself to talk to the people I was close to help me with my problem. Here I am, desperate and just wanting to talk to someone who would know where to start or what to do. I have people close around me that have addictions as well, and I want to cure mine not only to better myself, but to hopefully be motivation for those around me. Even with the thought of losing someone that I was truly blessed with, I still continued to do it and continued to lie to that person. I have this overwhelming feeling of regret and sadness that I've truly never felt before. I've read online that PA can be some what compared to that of a cocaine addiction, because it is dealing with the same part of the brain. I am willing to read, talk, and try almost anything to get me out of this in my life and show to myself that I can conquer it.

[mell]

Zig,

Welcome to TTF! This is a great place to be!

Please read some of the recovery journals. There are many here who have found success against this addiction. The only way to recover is through support.

The first step is realizing that it is an addiction. That means we cannot control it on our own.

There are support groups in most cities. I reccomend:

SA - Sexahaulics Anonymous
SAA - Sex Addicts Anonymous

These are both 12 step support groups. Just search for sex addiction recovery groups and they (and others) will come up. You will have to send an email or call someone and they will get back to you with meeting info.

It is so worth it to find recovery.

Best wishes to you on your journey. Keep coming back!

-Mell

[maggie]

Zig

Not an easy first step, is it ?

It must be especially difficult for a guy to ask for help and to even admit he might have a control problem. Men are conditioned to feel like they have to always be strong and in control of situations. Not this one.

It hijacks the mind of strong, successful men and can twist and gnarl their lives into a prison. Deceptively, this p prison is presented under a glamour lens of enticement and escape and feel good brain chemicals. Not a fair battle at all !

If you read the new members stories here, you will see that your feelings are valid and natural. Please also notice how many men, sign on, ask for help and advice to regain control over their actions, and then fade away. Some demand a quick fix for this problem and that has never happened. It's so difficult to sign on to begin with, but then having failed or indulged again after trying to stop, they give up on themselves.

Please don't do that Zig.

You have taken a big step forward but you're still going to have to fight an array of disappointments in yourself as you try to gain back control of this. Unfortunately the disappointments can easily lead you back into escaping the bad feelings by doing something that you know will make you feel good for a while. You know the rest.

I beleive educating yourself is critical. Try to read the scientific research on addiction.

Alcohol addiction has been studied for decades, but neurologists and other scientists are now seeing striking similarities in all addictions, whether you inject a chemical into your body, overeat, or engage in an activity that releases addictive chemicals in your brain. Your body ... on its own... produces chemicals like dopamine and serotonin during p & m, and your body begins to crave more and more of these feel good chemicals. It may sound harmless, but it isn't. Like any addiction or compulsive behavior, it can lead to a person taking risks and facing harmful consequences as they pursue that feeling of high.

[gideon]

Hi and welcome --I'm new here too but have found it very supportive. Journaling definitely helps because you really have to dig deep about what your relationship with P is. It might be good to explore how often you use, what triggers it, when you first encountered it, how it makes you fee, your relationship issues, issues with women etc.l. I find it also helps to describe the lowest point with P to remind me later when I get tempted. And definitely describe the high of being clean -- it will make recovery so worth it! You're in safe company here and I encourage you to fight on.

gideon

[zig28]

Thank you both for the support and advice. Maggie, I did some research on PA and it was compared to other addictions such as cocaine. It is really showing me the seriousness of my problem and I am taking action. Where can I find the journaling area on the website?

[Crisodian]

Zig,
A belated welcome to TTF! You can start your recovery journal here.
I encourage you to read the other PA journals to help give you insight, encouragement and suggestions on your path to recovery.

Peace,
~C~

[JenMac]

Hi Zig!
Welcome to TTF! I am glad you found your way here!
Zig, you can journal in the recovery journals. It is just further down on the forum page. Just click to start a new thread and you will be able to start your own.
Wishing you all the best as you begin your path to recovery!
Jenn

[maggie]

Sorry Zig,

I just logged on and saw your question about the journal and see that others have already posted.

It seems that the men here who use a journal get a better idea of their thoughts and triggers and also the journal is a personal reminder of how bad or good you are feeling, and why.