Hi I'm Christopher. Putting down roots

[Christopher205]

So I first saw this website at the very beginning of this year.
It was then I realized fully the depths of my addiction to pornography.
I had always suspected I was an addict, at age 24 I had gone no more than 3 days without P since I first got my own computer, probably in junior high.
A friend introduced me to his father's magazines when I came to his house, he had dozens of them stashed under his mattress. We were probably in 6th grade. Thinking about it, he's probably in the same situation as me now.

My name is Christopher, I am 24 and have lived with this addiction for too long. I have gone through depression and shame over and over, kept dozens of journals to try and understand how I was physiologically addicted as well as mentally.

I have known about this website and done nothing for too long. I will keep a journal and ask for help from people who have walked this road before me. As I write this there are tears in my eyes and I feel weak. I don't have a loving partner or friends and family who would understand. I've tried talking to my family and they just zone out. We are not close. I am strongly contemplating military service knowing it will force me to be around people all the time, where my addiction will be stifled. But I fear through that I would only be putting off a confrontation on a deeper level.

To the admins and members, I don't know your lingos and keywords but I'll try and be considerate in keeping my posts G rated. I look forward to learning what freedom from addiction feels like.

-Christopher

[Mefree]

Christopher,

I'm glad that you've decided to move forward. Welcome to TTF.
You'll catch on to all the lingos in short time. :) You can reference them in our Common Acronyms thread.

I'm a single PA that's been in recovery since last fall, and I can relate well to your story. I actually knew about TTF for several months before joining, as my intense shame drove me from seeking out help from friends or even this site. And emotional distance from family is a subject I'm all too familiar with.

But I can assure you it has all been worth it! Just remember to post often in your journal, list your triggers, and clearly define your plans. Writing down on paper the reasons I want to live P-free has worked wonders for me. The longer you go into recovery, the more you'll learn how all these issues are inter-connected. A common theme is how being P-free equates to life changes. You'll learn healing begins with dealing with your problems head-on, and all apsects of your life will start to look up.

I earnestly look forward to your journal. You'll find a wealth of information on this site; use it all to your advantage, and success is virtually assured!

Good Luck on your Journey!

[Sonomette]

Christopher,

This is a great place to be, and I am glad you've found it.

I'm a significant other (SO) of a porn addict (PA), who has been without porn (P) for ... wow, weeks now. We live a much different life than you-- older, with kids, etc etc-- and he wishes that he had made the change when he was younger and single, so it wouldn't have had such an effect on his family life. You're doing a great thing by facing this problem now, rather than waiting until someone else MAKES you face it because they feel hurt and betrayed, you know? :)

Journaling is a really healthy thing to do, at least in my opinion, and it helps me see not only what's going on day to day, but also how far I've come. The beauty of a journal here rather than in a notebook is that people chime in with support when you're feeling low, or if you have a problem that you need advice about, people are always willing to lend a hand. I've found it enormously helpful, from the support on down days to advice about dilemmas to the cheerfulness on good days.

Anyways! Welcome! I look forward to hearing more about you.

S