What has become of me?

[conquer]

Not sure I am really qualified to offer advice, however you could consider seeing a counsellor or therapist. They would be someone you could confine in which I think helps. Also you may get to the route of the problem or at least understand what is happening to you when you get these urges. There are specialist sex therapists who have no doubt seen these problems many times before

[downthedrains]

I am happy to say that I've stayed sober since joining the site which is not saying much since its only 3 days, but it sure feels great for me. I am going to continue to stay sober as long as I can.


Journal Topic.
I also want to start a journal so that I can write down, good, bad or ugly thoughts - all of them. Can someone tell me how to start a journal, I'd also like to read some other fellow addicts journal.

Chat
If anyone is interested in sharing how they are doing via chat, let me know. I know i'd certainly like to chat a fellow buddy every now and then to make sure we are checking up on each other, motivating each other, and sharing my wry sense of humor, since this P subject is such a crazy one. insidegutter at gmail

Need advice
How to control the urges? I really think no one has come up with a solution to this problem. I'd like to discuss this with someone, as talking about this on the forum can certainly be bad for some others who are recovering.

[downthedrains]

ok. simplest of questions but biggest of my problems.

a) when i am walking in the street, how can i stop checking out every girl? It's when I am at home I am finding it easy to control, than by going out. Because the moment I step out in public, I see all these girls and gazoom, my H level just shoots. am I beyond repair? Are all men like this or I am an exception?

b) how do you get rid of images in your head or some video you had seen back then thought it was your favorite, or some actress you remember and have the urge to view it?
-- So far i've been suppressing urges by sheer will power and I say to myself "don't do it, go read a book, watch tv, do 20 pushups, or clean house, or something, you've had 3 clean days, don't let all the effort go to waste, because every time you see P, you have to start at scratch"

c) This site has helped me a lot so far, i always come here and write my thoughts it prevents me from going back to P. Today when I was in street, I just got this sudden urge to look and I found myself checking out girls and I told myself to control, and looked otherway. Is this the right way to heal?

[mell]

DTD,

Will power alone will not work. Try to remove yourself from potential situations. You talked about walking down the street. For now, maybe stay off of the street! I'm not saying become a hermit, just try to get yourself away from potential triggers. Once you gain some progress in recovery you will develop methods of fighting these impulses.

It seems to me you see women as objects. I have been there. What helped me was to:
1) Pray for them.
2) See them as people. They all have parents, husbands or boyfriends, maybe children, etc.
3) Realize that you are lusting after someone.

I would reccomend getting into a 12 step support group.

SA Sexahaulics Anonymous
SAA Sex addicts Anonymous

are two that I know of. You can find contact info by searching online for sex addiction support groups. There are recovering addicts there who, just like here, are willing to help. They have been there!

[downthedrains]

i gave in. 5 days into recovery and i slipped. :(

[RoccosModrnLife]

You've still made a lot of progress. Don't give up. I'm on my 3rd or 4th day. Recovery isn't going to happen overnight. Just keep at it and stay positive.

I have the same problem of looking at girls on the street. That's my BIGGEST problem right now. My advice is this: if you look, OK you looked. Don't look again, just continue on. Stop and look at something else until she's gone or walk away from her. Switch seats so she's out of your view. Don't beat yourself up about it, just realize you're doing it and stop.

What I've been doing is if I look at someone I just don't let my thoughts turn sxual. If they start to I just tell myself no. don't go there.

Is there anything that's worked for you?

[City Fool]

i gave in. 5 days into recovery and i slipped. :(

Remember, and I'm sure you've seen this in other posts, you're fighting several seperate things rolled into one.

You have to have a defense for each portion.

You have a habit. Like getting dressed for the day or brushing your teeth or anything you've done long enough for it to become part of your day.
When the urge stuck in the past, where did you head? Isolate and try to break that part of the cycle.
I won't rehash what you'll see on other posts but it's all good advice. Reprogram your daily routine.
Urges. The tough part. Getting your brain back to it's normal pattern. That's where I have the most trouble and I'm going to take that to a doctor. I think it's more than I can handle alone.

Reevaluate yourself and people around you. It's not a crime to admire someone you find attractive. But if that's a possible trigger then yes, look away or get them out of your sight. Mell covers all that nicely.

Visit this site as often as time permits. Try to stay around people!!!!

I can't say that enough. I spend a heck of a lot of time alone and I use the site, and some friends I've made here as "pals". An idle mind is apt to revert to old ways and the images creep back in and.....
A lot of people relapse. Many more might not announce each and every time on the site. I have no idea. You'll feel a bit better when you've unburdened but it's easy to create a cycle even if you post everyday and every relapse.

This is not easy. And nothing is going to make it quicker. You have more control than anyone else over your future, right?
Use all of the help and support you can find but in the end, you're going to be the one to say, "No!"

Go over each relapse minute by minute and see if there was one minute you could have used to stop the relapse. When you head in that direction again, put that information to good use.

Put an account in deatil (Not every one....) in your journal. Someone here may be able to give you a tip.

Hang in there.

CF

[exteberria]

Welcome Aboard.

Just some things I'd say is, put everything in context. You've identified some things you want to change. In the short term you will have to change things about yourself, things that go even beyond watching p. But in the long term, your headed in the right direction.

Like with anything in life, everything sucks in the short term.. And it really comes down to, 'can you delay gratification?' or do you even need gratification all together?

A mentor of mine always used to say to me, 'what do you experience in the short term when you eat a chocolate bar? It's usually sweet and nice isn't it..?' What do you experience in the short term when you eat a bowl of salad? It doesn't taste as good as the chocolate bar does it?' 'But what are the long term implications of eating chocalte bars? And what are the long term implications of eating bowls of salad?'
I know this metaphor changed a lot of things about me, I eat soo much healthier then I used too, and I find that I don't have any interest in eating things that are just going to be bad for my skin and digestion (but I'm not perfect lol)..

This board will be good for you, it’s helping me with my personal battles and I know it’s helping others as well. After the work I’ve put in, I feel like I’ve started to control my own urges and desires, and my perspective is changing on everything. I still have a lot of work to do, but the work I started on this 2 or 3 years ago, has brought a lot of good things into my life.