time for a change

[gideon]

Hello everyone - newbie here. Have been looking at this site from time to time but thought I'd never need it. Too smart, too in control, too hip and sophisticated to let a little P get me down. But 6 years of ADSL later it has, and now I've got it all: post P depression and anxiety, obsessive thinking about it, lying to my spouse, can't look my kids in the eye, can't look at women without some P script running through my head, a record somewhere with Google with my name and all the junk I've searched, and above all wasted days and nights filling my brain with debasing rot. I've broken clean for months at a time but hubris got me every time. It's when I'm feeling good that the little voice starts telling me it's under control, see, pour yourself a whiskey and enjoy a little gent's entertainment. Next thing I know it's 3Am and I'm the biggest loser on the planet.

No more. I hate P and all that it stands for. Encouraged by the fellowship on this site, I recognize in all humility that I have problem and humbly seek your support.

To the creators of this community. a big thanks. It's lifeline for many I'm sure, and an important toll to fight a big problem that society is hiding.

Gideon-first 24 hours

[Crisodian]

Gideon,
Welcome to TTF. I am the SO (wife) of a PA in recovery for almost a year now. I encourage you to continue on your journey by starting a journal in the Recovery journals's section and document your path to healing.

Think about the reasons why you want to quit P, what you plan to do when triggers or urges come on, and a long term plan to stay P free.

This is a good place for your wife to find healing as well.

Find a path to peace,
~C~

[gideon]

Thanks C. I'll keep a journal as you suggest, and try to support other newbies like me. I've been trying to quit for a year so I'm keeping close tabs on my triggers -- time alone on a computer, anxiety, over-confidence, and the endless stream of imagery in our culture. I really appreciate the work you all are doing.

[Sonomette]

Hey gideon!

I'm pretty new here too-- just joined last month. I also am a SO to a PA, and lemme tell ya, it can be a hard road. However, the very fact that you're here is a good thing.

As Cris said, journaling is extremely helpful. I love my journal, and while it strays far off topic sometimes, I like the fact that I can not only see how far I have come between my first post and today, but I also have people who are willing to lend an ear if I'm down, share victories with me, and help me with dilemmas. Far superior to a notebook hidden in my dresser, as far as that goes! It's a really great bunch of people here.

It's interesting how you've mentioned the endless stream of imagery in our culture. It's amazing what we accept-- and even elevate to celebrity status-- in our culture, isn't it? Truly amazes me.

Anyways, I'm glad you're here and once again, welcome!

S

[gideon]

Thanks a lot Sonomette. I started a journal and it really helps putting stuff down, as painful as it is. I really appreciate the support. Yeah, P is a very weird cultural phenomenon. 100 years after women's liberation movements, we end up with this.