Struggling at PA

[MystroGuru]

Well I finally found a website/forum to voice my struggles!! Let's start!

Ive had a PA for a long time.. At least about 10 years or so. I can spend about 3 hours on it. At least. Even with people around I find myself taking a quick peak at something or new updates on websites and such. I wake up early to try to get ready for work but I end up on a computer just surfing the net for it. I look at it for about 30 minutes in the morning. I'm actually skipping sportscenter to do so!

I'm now a bit hooked on those live-chats websites so at lunch there's a different set available. Yes I spend money on it which is a problem too. Sometimes I find myself coming home at lunch just to do the same thing.

When I get home I spend at least 30 minutes on it again. If I'm on the computer usually I will be looking up one of those sites. I have a few memberships going and those are causing problems too. They update their site 3 times a day so I have to check it 3 times and add some to my collection..

How does it affect me..
- Sex life with my live-in partner is non-existance. I don't try anymore because I'm tired at the end of the day.
- I hide this stuff from a lot of people.
- The people I do tell and ask for help respond that this is "normal" and they usually say "don't sweat it". But when I have a moment to think about stuff I promise myself I will never go to that site again but I keep going back!
- I've tried to have my partner block the sites by entering a password I will not know of into a filter for a browser. But I disabled the filter and got through by uninstalling the browser. I'm that f-d up right now.

I'm also a big video gamer and that suffers too. I dont play as much as my friends want me too cause i'm never there.

User name is Mystro Guru btw for xbox peeps.

This is too overwhelming for me. I actually go through withdrawl where i get nevervous or stomach pains if I don't hit my regular time slots.

I don't know what to do. I was thinking about hiding my computer power cable or giving it to someone or something but I know there are ways around that too!

Comments? Ideas?

Maybe talking about it will make it easier?

Mystro Guru

[Daniel]

I don't know what to do. I was thinking about hiding my computer power cable or giving it to someone or something but I know there are ways around that too!

Comments? Ideas?

MG,

That's not a bad idea!

But first you need to do some real hard soul-searching: "Why exactly do I want out?"

And you would add to this question: "What am I willing to do to be free from this garbage?"

"Am I willing to give this junk up forever and walk away to rebuild my self-respect?"

"How bad do I want my life back?"

"Is the 'Real Me' buried under 600 gigs of digital P?"

"On my death bed, will I regret that I didn't download just a little bit more P?"

"If I were to pass into the afterlife tonight {God forbid}, what would my legacy be with everything laid bare?"

Ponder these questions MG.

It sounds to me like you're serious and I certainly hope you are.

Being certain that you want freedom is a big downpayment on what will be a hard-fought but well-worth-it battle.

Let the light shine,

Daniel

[MystroGuru]

"Why exactly do I want out?"

I Want out because this affects my daily life. It doens't necessarily affect how I am perceived because I hide it but it affects my performance on many levels.

"What am I willing to do to be free from this garbage?"

I am willing to be myself. To be true to everyone around me. As such move on from this.. But when it doesn't 'affect' them then really, why not? That is what my head keeps saying.

"Am I willing to give this junk up forever and walk away to rebuild my self-respect?"

I have to be or there will be no healing and resolve

"How bad do I want my life back?"

Ive never thought of that question.. In one side of me I feel like I am still very productive and have achieved a lot in mylife. I know I can do more and do better. I will fight this.

"Is the 'Real Me' buried under 600 gigs of digital P?"

The answer to that is no. It's more like 60 gigs. But the real me is under 0 gigs. Under nothing.

"On my death bed, will I regret that I didn't download just a little bit more P?"

Will I regret it.. No probably not. Should I?

"If I were to pass into the afterlife tonight {God forbid}, what would my legacy be with everything laid bare?"

It's actually good right now. Lots of family, close to them, but it's this dark secret. It disgusts me. I tried to go back to it right now. Time to get another distraction and either get dressed for work or jump on the xBox.

Thanks Daniel

Mystro Guru