Hope

[ekrecovery]

I'm brand new to the site...and as the title says I'm looking for Hope. I've battled with PA for most of my life. Yes I came from an abusive home...where I was not only sexually abused, but also physically, and mentally as well. But I don't want to use that as an excuse, but it has to be part of my equation as to how I came to have this....anyway I came out of my childhood feeling very confused about life, God, and family. Despite this, however, I found and got married to a very wonderful woman, and I have an awesome Daughter as well, and with thier help I've been able to work through most of my problems....but....

I was mistaken by the notion that I would somehow be magically cured of PA when I got married, and I've come to realize that PA cannot be treated as if marriage is a magic pill that will take away this ADDICTION. And that is what it is....an addiction....and an addiction from what I've been taught can be defined as a habit on steriods! I've read that the chemicals released in our brains while viewing P can have the same effects on us as someone who is addictied to heroin. I have no doubt that this is the greatest battle of my life.

So the hope that I'm searching for is that I can be myself of this site. I hope that I can learn from the struggles and triumphs and pain of others. I've become a master of deception, and lies over the years. (Mostly with myself) I know that this has got to change. But I guess what I feel the most saddened about is the years that have been wasted on this addiction...you always think about the "what if's" what if I hadn't been addicted...where would I be today, what could I have accomplished? But now it's time to move foward, and look ahead with a sense of hope, and determination to finally get over this, and live the rest of my life in peace.

[mell]

Welcome EK. You are in a good place.

Please read the recovery journals here and browse the posts. I think I speak for all of us in saying there are others here who have been through very similar situations in our lives.

Keep reading and writing and best of luck to you.

[JenMac]

Welcome EK!
You have come to a great place! TTF has been a lifeline for my H and I! We have belonged to this site for a few short months and it has helped us address this issue of PA that threatened to destroy our 30+ year marriage.
You will find yourself amongst many wise and giving people here who can help to guide on the path to recovery.
If your wife knows of your struggles, she would also benefit from TTF greatly. It helps so much to know we are not alone in our grief.
Wishing you all the best EK!
Keep coming back, read the resources and start to make a plan!
Jenn