what have i done?

[trustngod]

Hi i am new to this site, just came accross it last nite. My story is soo long and crazy i don't know where to begin. But to make a long story short, my PA called me yesterday for the first time in a month cuz we r separated and he is filing for a divorce he says. Which he said that a couple of months ago and still has not submitted the paper work. but i could tell he is angry with me, he says that he does not want to have anything to do with me because when i first found out bout his PA i did not understand that it was a compulsion, a disease i guess and i had sex with someone else and i left him. I moved out and told him i wanted a divorce, that was in july. Well since then I have been learning a lot bout PA and think that maybe i have made things worse for him to recover and I am not sure i even want to continue a marraiage with him anyway- but i am still so confused. This is really tiring me out. I discovered his PA a year and a half into our marriage through spectorsoft and i saw the images he views and it disgusted me i felt rejected and tons of other emotions. On top of my husband is abusive to my then 3-4 yr old son. I guess i wanna know if me staying in this marriage is really gonna help him recover or will he always be this way? How will I know?

[Sonomette]

Hi trustngod,

You certainly have a very complex story, and one that I am afraid I have no hard-and-fast answers for.

One thing I noticed was that you mentioned that you child is being mistreated. That is never, ever something that should be tolerated, and you may want to think very hard about continuing to be around someone who abuses a preschooler. There is the very real potential for lifelong trauma there, and that cannot be ignored.

I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear... but it's the truth.

I honestly do wish the best for you and your little one.
~S

[Crisodian]

tng,
I second what Sonomette said. There are no easy answers for what you have shared. But like Sonomette, I completely agree if there is abuse, then you need to address that immediately. It will not go away on it's own.

Peace,
~C~

[JenMac]

Hi Trustngod!
Welcome to TTF! You have found a wonderful supportive place! You will find people here who can relate to some of what you are going through but perhaps not all. We are all different and live in different situations. We are all struggling through difficult circumstances.
The people here are very wise and supportive but the decisions you make will be left up to you to make. We do not have the right or knowledge to direct you as to whether to stay in your marriage or end it. You can gain much insight into PA by participating within this community! I hope you will take advantage of that!
I agree with S and C about the abuse to your child. That should not be tolerated.
Hope you keep coming back!
Look after yourself and your child first! That is the most important thing!
Jenn