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[Kathy]

My husband 'Chasman62' had posted his story yesterday. Below you'll read what I've replied to his beautifully written story...please bear with me being new to this site and how to post, etc...

Hello…my name is Kathy and I’m ‘Chasman’s’ wife. We’ve been married for almost 22 years (October 8) and on Monday, August 16th , 2010 I’ve suggested to him to ‘finally’ pack his bags and explain to our two children what he’s been up to and why he will be leaving! I truly was at my wits end after I was able to get into his ‘secret’ email. The trust I had for him had truly gone down the toilet….

This is my third attempt to try to post on this site. It’s nearly 12:45 a.m. now, and what I recently typed 45 minutes ago, has ‘vanished’ – so now it’s type ‘again’, copy and paste via word. I truly wanted to give up on this, but Chas has asked to stick with it…

Anyway, after learning on Monday, that my husband’s lies didn’t stop, I went crazy. Took a bike ride – contemplated at a lake site as to what to do next, got on my bike and carried on again for another 13.5 miles. I really didn’t want to go back home. I am disgusted – I truly can’t stand the site of him anymore. Hearing his voice made me cringe…wasn’t sure what the truth is/was coming out of his mouth on that Monday evening. When he couldn’t show me his ‘secret business’ credit card statement for the past few months, I knew this was the final last straw for us; even though I didn’t want it to be true.

I learned how he met a woman (if that’s what you want to call her) via playing internet poker and they were just friends. If you were just friends, why the many texts between these hours and if they were just friends, why the secret emails??? But I was told “it’s over.” I asked again for the credit card statement…still he couldn’t do it. Why??? I’m sure you all are familiar with this story…payments to the ‘sites’ and payments to this one woman in particular. Poker my ass. I was ready to get sick…then I was told how he made arrangements to meet her – that’s when I lost it. My hair was looking like a brillo pad minus the pink soap, words that I’ve never said bursted out of my mouth, and my adrenaline was racing . Yes, I, Kathy, was not a calm 5’1” ever trusting naïve wife anymore. If it wasn’t for the fact that our son’s golf clubs had recently been put away, I might have taken a swing to him with one of his clubs, but instead, he got to experience a very tall glass of ice water thrown at him. He is sooo lucky…

So why am I here? I do love my 6’4” Chas that I met 23 years ago, I want him and his trust back to ME…I hope that I can help him with many hugs, kisses and listen to him during his ‘withdrawal’ times…so far, it’s day 5 and we are both counting UP!

Thanks for any advice that you can provide to me…cheers to you all. Kathy

[maggie]

Hi Kathy

I haven't read your H's post yet, so I don't where he is at, but I can relate well to your anger. Of course, a 13+ mile bike ride had to dispel some of your anger. Wow!

Your urge to take a golf club and whack away reminded me of Tiger's wife. She was enraged and did just that !

The posting problem here is frustrating and I've a few lost posts. You'll read here how upsetting that can be, since a post can sometimes be an emotionally draining effort and then it just vanishes. Don't give up. I do check the ' keep me signed in box ' and that seems to help. But do try to copy and save what you write, just in case.

[JenMac]

Hi Kathy! Welcome to TTF! It is really good that you found your way here. This site is a blessing to us in our time of need!
I am sorry for the pain you are going through right now. The intense feelings and emotions are something we have all dealt with. It doesn't make it any easier for you to know that others have been there too but it does help to feel like you are not so alone. A lot of us here have kept this secret from the close people in our lives so this site is like a lifeline. To be able to tell our secret, to get our thoughts, our concerns, our most inner struggles down on paper is a very healing thing to do, in my experience. It helps me to understand myself and enables me to let go, if only for a moment.
I understand completely the feeling of not wanting to go home, to run away from all of this. I have experienced the same thing. There are times when it seems impossible to go on from here, to work through the pain and come out the other side a sane, functioning person.
Hopefully, you will begin to find strength as time passes. You will find that strength for yourself to move on and not get stuck in that all consuming sorrow and pain. Perhaps as you see your H committ to healing from this addiction, you will find a reconnection with him as well. But for now you must concentrate on you and what you need! Take the time you need to pamper yourself, to heal yourself. You need the time to recover from the shock of all of this. It will take time but you are in the right place. There is nothing like the experiences of others, who have been where you are, to help us sort through this difficult time.
Keep coming back, post often and read up on others. There is a lot of wisdom here!
Jenn