My last time of my last time "quitting"

[outofhiding]

So I've tried before to quit. A bunch of times. Tried lots of different things: hypnosis, meditation, some different "programs", bible study, etc.

Nothing's really worked for me. I've been able to stick with one thing for anywhere up to 17 days before I just relapse. Honestly, i think it's a thing of the user and not the product, so I'm going to try again with all those things. I'm going to try slowing down my body and all those hormones and chemicals. I'm going to take things a day at a time, be mindful, and really examine what's going on.

There are some things that make quitting difficult for me: 1 is the fact that my job involves me, alone in an office for the majority of the time, doing work online. I can't just stop using the computer because it's my job. 2 is the fact that I'm still younger, maybe the hormones are still rushing around. But whatever. I can't use excuses.

Today's Day 1. I'm so grateful for this site and the community, I'll be starting a journal, and I can't wait to meet everybody and complete my own journey away from P and MB.

[Desert Ghost]

welcome back and just remember the following things:
One-day-at-a time
Be gentle with yourself
moment-by-moment

[dave42]

Hi OutOfHiding:

I think you should be proud of this determination of yours: "I'm going to take things a day at a time, be mindful, and really examine what's going on." This sentence is PACKED with wisdom. I also salute you for naming the tough parts of your recovery--you are on a computer all day as part of work, you are alone, and you are young. Yes, yes, and yes! These are, indeed, all very challenging characteristics of your situation. Hmmm....Well, rather than give advice (which I LOVE to do!), I guess it might help more to ask a question:

Okay, so let's imagine it's Day 25 of being clean. You are at work. Alone. Online. Maybe you are a little or very stressed out by something that just happened or that happened a week earlier but is weighing on you. Or maybe you are bored or I don't know what. Anyway, let's say you find yourself in this situation and you are very, very tempted to sneak a peek at some website or image. Think of how many times we have ALL been in this situation. We make excuses before and after: "Just for 15 minutes." "Oh, I'll just read this story about women tennis players (or whatever). This is a healthy outlet: women tennis players. How much trouble can I get in?" " etc., etc. etc. Can you name 3 specific POWERFUL things you can do in this situation to avoid a slip?

Also, have you looked into Sex Addicts Anonymous? I know that the name is a bit of a turn off, but I have found their meetings to be extremely helpful in my recovery. My last thought: we are all cheering for you and you are very wise to mention in your second to last sentence the "community". I think that immersing ourselves in communities of recovery, in the "culture" of recovery is essential. Community and culture move our thinking away from will power, self-reliance, and dependence on strength. Yes, will power is important, and nothing wrong with strength or, to a great extent, on self-reliance. But what I'm sensing in your post is that you "get" it. You understand that beating this addiction is going to be very, very tough, and that it requires a complex--a collection of various elements: strategies, attitudes, behaviors, friendships, tricks, techniques, sayings, readings, prayers, soul-searching, a few phone numbers to call, anger and stress management, walks in the woods, and a million other components. Let us know what your next steps are. Staying in touch here is a great starting point. God bless you, my friend!!!

[StarPuppy]

Hi, wlecome back here..don't worry we are all here to help you but we do share some tough love, start a journal and work on your plan to freedom :)

[outofhiding]

Thanks everybody so much for the welcome messages, especially you Dave42 for writing such a long post filled with some great advice! I'm sure I'll be coming back to that and reviewing it periodically.

I know that I can do this, especially with the help and advice and encouragement of all you. I officially feel welcomed :)

[OpenEyes]

You have found a great site, one I feel is the best because of so much being available, both for the PA and the SO. It helps to review the SO's points of view too, even if you are not currently involved. The reason is you can see the camage you CAN cause and it can be a real motivation for your recovery. I truly hope you really look over the articles and resources sections, both were hugely beneficial to my beginning my quitting, and entering my recovery.

You have friends and support here.