Ready to overcome this addiction

[movingforward]

Hey there. I am a new member.

I have been addicted to porn since I was 13 (I'm now 24), and a struggled with bouts of sex addiction for about four years as well.

As soon as my family got internet access (when I was around 14), I had immediately become hooked to internet porn and chat rooms. With the discovery of early filesharing programs I had found seemingly unlimited access to adult videos and pictures.

I was at the age of discovering my sexuality, and I completely destroyed it. I used masturbation and porn as an escape from my emotions and problems. At the same time my social development had come to a halt. I began spending hours of my time watching and looking for porn. I slept all types of weird hours and pulled away from friends & family. I was constantly depressed.

By time I hit 19, my social life began to grow again. I started hanging out more and going to parties. After I turned 21, I began to become fit and comfortable with my body. Around this time my addiction strayed from porn to sex. I began meeting people over the internet for anonymous sex, even paying for adult meeting websites. I have slept with every gender, and multiple partners at the same time. I thought that this was better than using porn constantly, but I was just replacing one addiction with another. I was still spending hours searching for meetups or in video chat rooms.

The following year I again replaced my addiction with another, alcohol. I was relatively porn and sex free for about a year until the alcohol started taking a toll. I was partying too much and failing out of school. I became really depressed and found my old "friend" porn.

For the past year, I have been struggling with porn and sex addiction on an off. There was even a time where I abstained from porn or sex for about two months. I fell and I fell hard. The past six months have been hell, I was in a deep depression and porn was my only outlet. I began seeking therapy and have finally come to the point where I am overcoming my depression. I have also recently accepted my porn/sex addiction and I have mentioned it to my therapist and also to a support group (though I no longer attend because it felt way too similar to a cult).

Sorry for the long read, but I needed to get this off my chest. Porn has done nothing but pull me away from reality and lead me down a road of seeking constant, instant pleasure. I am ready to move forward with my life and become the man I always knew I should be.

[pipster22]

Hi Movingforward,

My best advice to you is to stop running. You run and you run, hoping that sooner or later the pain will get tired and stop following you; unfortunatley this is not the case.

For you in particular, moving from addiction to addiction, it will never end until you stand up and confront it head on.

You are a porn addict, alcoholic, sex addict, and whatever else may become of you in the next few years. These unfulfilling life choices that we contiously bring us no happiness, and they never will.

I very much encourage you to think. Think about your child hood, your past, your present and your future. What are you running from? As scary as it sounds, these addictive behaviors will never go away until these problems are confronted. This doesn't mean the problems must be "fixed," sometimes, there is no physical or literal solution. In most cases "fixed' means acceptance. Accept what has happened, what life is.

Instead of focusing so much on "God.. how do I stop this porn addiction, it's truley ruining my life.." Turn the tables and ask yourself "God... what happened / is lacking in my life to cause me such unberable pain, which I then cover with alcohol, porn and sex.

As I have found at very quickly, removing the addictions will not solve anything. I feel into a deep deep depression, and really had no choice but to go back to porn. Change your focus from an early point from "i need to stop being addicted to porn," to "i need to figure out what i am running from." Once you figure that out, it again is only the beginning of a new road. But to get to recovery takes a lot of personal motivation and commitment, which is why you are here!

I know you can get sober and turn your life around.
My best,
Pippy

[movingforward]

Thanks. Running has actually been one of my biggest problems in life. I actively ran in every direction that led away from my problems and feelings of uneasiness.

I am just beginning to confront my problems. When I fell into a deep depression, I spent much of my time acknowledging what has caused me to seek escape. The problem was I didn't know how to confront them and I was a bit overwhelmed. This led me right back to acting out with porn.

Therapy has given me tools to confront myself, along with meditation and exercise. This past month has been a huge step in the right direction. I am sober from alcohol for about a month, sex for four months and porn for only four days. Porn is my toughest battle, but for the first time I feel optimistic about my future. I just beginning to learn and get in touch with the real me.

[OpenEyes]

Welcome to TTF.

I, too, am a PA and glad you found us. It sounds like you really have looked this monster straight in the eye. Good for you.

Now, where to go from here? You are on this site, have you looked over all the articles section and the resources? Both really helped me in the beginning. Have you ordered any of hte suggested readings? Those are listed in the resources and again really help.

Are you in a situation where you can get personal counseling? PA is a very bad addiction and you will need another human to answer to. An accountability partner. This may be your priest, counselor or SO. But, answering to another person acuatlly helps you stick to recovery, or at least it did help me. I hope this bit of suggestions helps, stay in touch and know you have support here.